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just got back from Folk Life....again.

well its probably gonna be on Komo 4 news by now since their head quarters are right next to the EMP but how bout a live, first person perspective?

well its 5:20 and i ran to catch the monorail to ride to Westlake center cuz the bus stop to lynnwood is there. we just passed through the EMP when we heard this loud screeching and crunching noise. the lights started blinkign and everybody started panicking cuz bunches of thick smoke started passing by. someone was screaming fire. Apparently something exploded o nthe left side of the monorail close to where i sat in the back. all this smoke started filling up the car and everybody got on all fours and tried to open the doors to let in air. somebody was threatenign to jump. by then we had a wonderfuly happy crowd below us taking pictures whiel the monorail was still on fire and we were all trapped inside in midair. just my luck huh? i had to go pee really badly too... well their was a bunch of sirens and the firemen climbed in to make sure everyone was okay. some bimbo infront of me was crying and hysterical. screamign something about how she's going to die and causing everyone else to panic. i had half the mind to extend my leg and kick her fat ass off of the monorail and see if she'll bounce when she hits the floor below. the fire trucks used the hose to wash out the fire and the smoke was back. everybody was told to move up to the front of the car while the dark smoke chased us down. there was alot of crying and cracklign noises. i couldn't see my hand infront of my face. i think i was the only one perfectly calm....well actually i tohught the whoel thing was hilarious. i want my money back damnit! i coulda bought a double cheese burger with that $1.50 -_- well anyway this lasted for about half an hour. we all climbed aboard the second monorail which pulled up next to us smelling like burnt plastic and teriyaki chicken. actually i really should shower now...

well besides that incident, the last day of folk life was pretty much sucky. it was cloudy and started raining for a while. i met up with stacey and angeline for bout an hour before they decided to leave cuz nothing much was going on. so i hung out there. slept i nthe grass in a few places. watched peopel dance. checked out a few people. then went on my way to the monorail. haha we made chane go hit on this one goth guy yesterday. it was pretty funny. he went up all smooth and asked him for al ight for his cigarette. the guy had on a pretty cool leather dress and one of those old victorian style purple umbrellas. well it wasn't that bad...there was a fight.

everybody was screaming how they were going to die and they couldn't breathe because of the smoke. i was afraid at all. which i found really funny. i guess i didn't have any fear of dying simply because i guess i'm pretty satisfied with my life and i didn't have any unfinished business. that or i really did need to go pee bad.

lesson learned for today: always go pee before riding a burning monorail or any other vehicle that moves in mid air.

heyyyy....check it out. made it to komo 4 top story.
http://www.komo4.com/stories/31515.htm

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jay made me!! -_-
talking to my *cough*babyblueberrymuffin*cough* right now.

wow, so tired... need...sleep....
walkd for several miles today. all because my art teacher was too lazy to search for a parking space in the middle of downtown.
went to the Frye Art Museum, Seattle Art Museum, random galleries, and then we went to a japanese store for food. mmm....
we have too much hills in our city. it sux. i think i had my exercise for the rest of the year...and a half.

http://www.funsnap.com/1/bushgirl.swf

listening to: Bush - Reasons
watch the water feed the soil
so the circle is complete
see what you have become
is the earth beneath my feet

i'll bring in the stains
your alabaster feet
what's the space between
what you want and what you need

so you'll never be lonely again
never be lonely again

waiting for this love
to bring me close to you
waiting for this love
bring me close to you

who are you
and where are you in my life
i was wondering how much of me
is still alive

i don't even know
if i can swim again
you know how cold it gets
with all your struggling

try to find ourselves
seems real
it gets so hard at times
you know just what to feel

[chorus]
waiting for this love
to bring me close to you
waiting for this love
bring me close to you
i got reasons
i got reasons

watch the water bleed the soil
albinoed by the sun
we will try to keep our feet
in the face of what we've done

try to find ourselves
see this, what we made?
tell me what you want
and what you have betrayed

home is still the place
that we love the most
home is where you are
home is where you are






mmm...asian chicks with sticks. ::drools::



of course your wayyyyyy hotter, jay.

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heh heh, this is what i look at in my spare time while i'm on the phone with jay. ;-)
lol j/k. i dont get off on video game porn. unlike someone. *cough*

i'm to easily amused.

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watch the water feed the soil
so the circle is complete
see what you have become
is the earth beneath my feet

i'll bring in the stains
your alabaster feet
what's the space between
what you want and what you need

so you'll never be lonely again
never be lonely again

waiting for this love
to bring me close to you
waiting for this love
bring me close to you

who are you
and where are you in my life
i was wondering how much of me
is still alive

i don't even know
if i can swim again
you know how cold it gets
with all your struggling

try to find ourselves
seems real
it gets so hard at times
you know just what to feel

[chorus]
waiting for this love
to bring me close to you
waiting for this love
bring me close to you
i got reasons
i got reasons

watch the water bleed the soil
albinoed by the sun
we will try to keep our feet
in the face of what we've done

try to find ourselves
see this, what we made?
tell me what you want
and what you have betrayed

home is still the place
that we love the most
home is where you are
home is where you are

listening to: Bush - "Reasons"
watching: Ellen DeGeneres Show

well i havent typed in any of my journals for a bit.
i need to start exercising these finger muscles.. heh heh.
okay so i guess a short review is in order.

Friday: After school my mom took me up to gay ol' Capitol Hill to look for St. Nicolas Art Academy. took us an hour and finally found it hiding between a cathedral and a bunch of trees closer to the houses and cul de sacs. i gave a call to sammy and then headed inside. the class was relatively smaller than i had imagined but it was homey i guess. haha. everything was black. it looked like a photography studioo. giant lamp and all. our model looked like Karen O from the yeah yeah yeahs with thick black glasses. she's majering in industrial design at the art institute.
met a punky chick with spikes all over named Fae and a relatively hippeeish girl name Melissa i think? who's obssessed with Death Cab For Cutie.
We had to sketch the wooden table as our "instructor" was moving it every 30 seconds across the floor. its to exercise our skills on movement and energy. we can use whatever we want. pencil, pastel, or chalk. our instructor covered the windowa with a thick black curtain and played some industrial goth music to give it a more personal atmosphere. personally, it made me wanna go on an acid trip and the darkness creeped out lil sammy. hmmmm i cant remember our instructors name but hes majoring in some sort of design at the art institute too. so basically its just us kids all alone in a dark room with a stereo system, lamps, cardboards, art supplies, and paper. We got to have free pizza atabout 1 hour into the session. then the model stripped of her clothes wearing a skin tight tan colored swimsuit underneath. she started putting up water filled gloves on strings and attached it to her arms and ceiling. then she stood half way inside a card board box with holes cut in them for her arms and legs on the right side looking straight ahead. theres modern art for you. then the last sketch we had to do is of our isntructor standing next to the model who's sitting on a stool, holding a doll by the neck. all the shadows made it look like a creepy american gothic or something.


Saturday: Went to the U-district for the farmers fair. or hippe fair as i dare say. There was two streets of food. all types. every other stand included its own protest group. vegan or vegetarian. you pick. but thats what you get for setting it up in our u-district i guess. hellooooo seattle.
then theres 3 streets long of miscellaneous things people sell. from indi essence to home made tye dye shirts, to honey to henna tattooing, to political protest supports, to art school students hand made sculptures and paintings. theres some guy in the far south corner blowing glass and some old guy selling marijuan permits to the far north. because Tower Records is there, there was lotsa of live local bands playing too. there was also live modern art dance performances too along with the drama school students performance called "mime". some chick stood i nthe middle of the street in skin tight black suit with her face covered in blue and red swirls. she was holding a coffin on puppet strings and started twisting in different directions to some indie music and her friends stood off behind her holding essence sticks. personally i thought she was pretty good.
like 45% of the people there had dreadlocks. it was pretty funny. lots of animal rights activists and feminists so there were lots of animals. snakes, dogs, parrots, dogs, cats, a few minks.the entire street is line up with music stores and resturaunts and animals are allowed to everyone. Nemo was in ass smelling heaven. i was sitting on the curb with nemo when this guy came up to me and handed me his left of french fries. must've thought i was a hobo. well maybe i am sicne i had no money on me... this girl with short hair and dredlocks sat down with me on the curb and asked if she can have some of my fries. i let her have most of it and her giant black lab almsot squashed tiny Nemo when they were playing. Her name was Maisha i think? she gave me tips on howta dig in trash for food that i never thought about then left.i think there was more patches on her than i can see in a cloth store. there were alot of gay couples present too. this one lesbian and her wife jsut got back from cali where they got married. currently they are working to adopt a baby boy.
we spent about 4 hours at the fair and my mom wasn't present anywhere near by from beginnign to end. i ended up sitting on the sidewalk with Maisha and her friends and their animals. Maisha and bout 3 others are homeless, 2 were art school students, and 3 others are University students but have no where to live so they sleep onthe streets close to school. i have an omnious feeling my trashbin diving talent will eventually come in handy even if i get into the art school i want. my mom is leaving on wednesday for china. my dad is never home. my sister can go to her best friend abbys house for food. and that leaves me. now i dont jsut have to raid the trash in school for lunch, i'll hafta raid our neighbors trash for dinner and breakfast too. this sux. i'll hafta wake up early too....
and thats my wonderful weekend. got new hobo friends, and made friends with some pyromaniacs monkey coincidently named smokey.
the henna on my arm is during brown finally. i had to reapply it twice. i'm jsut drawing designs on my limbs to see what and how an actual tattoo will look on me because as of now, i still cant decide what design i want. and thats a bad thing considering tattoos are permanent. right now i only have some barbwires on my left arm.
i had some asian dudes left over drink he tossed into the trash for lunch today. weeeee for me. i'm so hungry...


yay! seattle gay pride parade is on June 26-27th!
hahaha gotta love gay activists.

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i have a confession.
i cut myself again.
its been so long. i actually felt the pain again.

while i was on my slight self destructive rampage, i realized its myself i cant trust.

its like a jykel and hyde sorta thing. like if i utter something to reveal the real me, i fear the other half would go on a tantrum thinking i just betrayed myself.
i dunno if it makes sense. actually non of my thoughts make sense after a while.
its all sort of blending together into our current suicidal youths atmosphere.

i'm unprepared. and i feel afraid. i'm confused. and annoyingly alone. the only thing i can trust, is so far away.
how can i believe in anything, if i cant believe in myself?

it all feels like a game after a while. sort of like in the deep rooted mentality kids who bring guns to school have. after a while, it all becomes surreal. and you only live another day in hopes something will change inside of you. or else, it another game over.
i wonder when i will come to lose this game?
i dont need anybody to pity or sympathize with me. hence why i dont bitch and moan about it to people. because lifes liek that. Darwin: "Survival Of The Fittest".

if people believe i'm okay , maybe i will come to fool myself too.

listening to: Seether - "Broken"

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

¡®cause I¡¯m broken when I¡¯m open
And I don¡¯t feel like I am strong enough
¡®cause I¡¯m broken when I¡¯m lonesome
And I don¡¯t feel light when you¡¯re gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There¡¯s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

¡®cause I¡¯m broken when I¡¯m open
And I don¡¯t feel like I am strong enough
¡®cause I¡¯m broken when I¡¯m lonesome
And I don¡¯t feel right when you¡¯re gone away

¡®cause I¡¯m broken when I¡¯m open
And I don¡¯t feel like I am strong enough
¡®cause I¡¯m broken when I¡¯m lonesome
And I don¡¯t feel light when you¡¯re gone away

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