Life isn't easy alot of the time. But I'd say its still good.

Wow, I just realized something, this very minute. I was sitting here thinking, why is it that its so hard to break old habbits and go the right direction. I always wind up going back to my old ways. I FINALLY KNOW!! Its all in the mind, as usual. I've trying to do the right thing, cuz I knew it was right. But error, I didn't change how I was thinking about what I was trying to not do. I still thought it was kool.

With God's help I'll be able to change my thinking about these things. And the desire for them will slowly go away. It'll be a working progress, and I'll probably slip afew times, but I'll keep getting back up. If my friends at school are reading this, you can help. If I start cussing or start geting into something involving bondage be like, "DOWN KEVIN!" And if I get all depressed again, tell me to check my attitude, and to get my eyes off of my problems and onto God.

And *****, I don't know if we'll ever be anything more then friends. I hope so, but if not, it wasn't God's plan. I have to much crap in my life right now. I was going to ask you out last week, now I realize that I shouldn't. I want the very best for you *****, and I'm not it. We both just need to focus on God right now. Love you...friend. See you at school.

Love ya, all my friends,
See ya!

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So, I've been try to be good lately, trying to be the good little boy that God wants me to be. Well, it isn't easy. Then again, when is anything worth while easy?

I've been trying not to cuss, thats been going pretty good.
I've been trying to stay away from bondage, that was kinda hard today when Josh started talking about it.
I've been trying to obey my parents and be kool with them...thats going horrid.

Is that enough? Do I get encouragement? No...then again, I don't expect encouragement. I should have learned that my parents only see the wrong that I do. I should have learned that all they do is correct and pick at what I do, instead of encouragement and congraduating me when I atcually do suceed. Why would someone ever want to keep working at something hard if all they got was, you messed up here, you failed there.

So I'm also trying to be pure. Oh joy.
I called this girl I like today, and talked to her about getting our relationship more pure. I won't get into that, but that kinda sucked, kinda hurt too. Its like, woah, I just said that we need to spend alittle less time together and your acting like, "Oh well, no big deal." Am I just a loser or something, cuz its alittle harder for me then that. Sometimes I really wonder.....never mind, screw it, I'm done.

I almost miss spike sometimes.

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Yet again, I'm in school, in the library, in my Writing class. In other words, I'M BORED!

Hey! I'm accually doing my work in my class now, I'm all caught up, and not I'm ahead. I did today's work, and theres still half the period left...with...nothing...to do...

WOW! AWESOME SMILEY! I wanna do this ---->

Anywho...
I can't wait till lunch, I'm going to go lay on the grass outside, as I have been for the last few weeks. Hopefully someone in particular will be there with me.

I got 4 hours of sleep last night, and some how I'm not falling asleep, better not close my eyes or site for to long.

Well, I'm gunna go try and find something to do for....20 minutes!!!

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I slipped...I broke the promise to follow God no matter the curcumstances.
The demon's returned...I thought I kicked them out later that night...but there still there. They stold the happiness that I had, they stold my soul...again. I thought I beat them...I guess the blood on my hands, and the missing piece of my heart, tell different.

2 promises
2 days
2 steps closer to death, to hell

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I've been doing alot of thinking lately, and for me thats not normal.
And even weirder is that I've been thinking about the same thing, or rather the same person, most of the time.

Its someone thats really special to me. And sometimes I'm confused about how I feel about her. I worry that my feeling are being effecting be different things, and I'm afriad to do anything about my feelings cuz they might change.

I've been told, and I think that I see, that she likes me...at least alittle. But it seems like I'm the only one who is trying to get closer, like I'm the only one trying to go anywhere. And when i try...I'm not sure she is even comfortable with me trying to get close. I dunno....I just hope I find the answers to my questions farely soon. So I'm not confused all the time.

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Life is been busy...and when it gets busy I don't come here very often.

Generation Conference was awesome....but my life still feels like its falling apart.
But I realizied something. My friends are a huge part of my life. If they are in pain and struggling, then I'll never be whole. My friends are part of me, each holding a little piece of my soul, if they are falling apart...then so am I...
...half of me trying to run forward....the other half dieing....going no where....

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