there's about a month of school left . . .

prom's coming ( i don't know what the heck i'm doing, i still don't have a dress or a date and it's a week away!)

grad nite approaches ( i didn't pay, so i can't go :( i wanted to but i was too lazy to turn in the damn packet and get the money to be honest)

senior awards is around the corner ( i know i'll probably get a few)

then finals, and the cherry on top, GRADUATION!

yet, it doesn't feel like the end at all. it feels like the middle of the school year. does time really fly that fast?

i'm afraid, what if i can't keep in contact with all the people i met in high school? truth be told, i don't feel that we're very close at all. but i would still miss everyone. i've never been good at keeping in contact with people. maybe its me or maybe its them. who knows? maybe after graduating, we might actually have more time to spend together. i wish i could keep these people in my life as long as possible. i don't want my relationships with them to fade away. i don't want to forget the people that made school worth coming to. the people that made me feel happy when i was upset. the people who just talked to me. the people who are just there, my classmates. please don't let me lose these people.

i really don't want to forget the simple things like walking down the hallway saying hi to people i know, talking with my friends during passing periods and lunch, hanging with my vocation buds and talking about dumb stuff like what's the difference between hot and pretty, crazy teachers, being in class with my classmates having random discussions that don't relate to what we're currently learning. i can't leave this comfort zone yet.

i really am going to miss high school, it's like a second home where you can hang out with your friends for 6 hours, five days a week. i know i'll move on and get used to university life. everyone goes through this state in their life. transition. i'll definitely make it.

the only thing that really upsets me is that i wish i could have made my high school life more memorable. it seems like not much happened. when i look back, what will i remember? will i remember those little things i mentioned before? there are lots of things i would've changed. for one thing, i wish i wasn't so shy. i should be unafraid to be myself.

i wish i was one of those people who was like "screw it all! it's just superficial bullcrap! i'll never have to see these ugly people again!" and move on with no problems, but i'm not, i realize there's a level of superficiality in high school, but for god's sakes, it's just high school! just have fun while you can.

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why do i worry so much about other people?

it's none of my business unless they decide to tell me. i just don't like the feeling of knowing something is wrong with someone but they won't say anything about it.

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remember it's only for now.

don't get hung up on the little things.

how many times have i said this to myself!?!

i wanna move on, guess i haven't changed much these days, seems like haven't learned, and that's sad. :(

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people are confusing . . .

some advice i learned from the brillant show that is alex mack: there's no point in trying to figure this stuff out, it just happens.

so whatever happens, happens. let it be. let go. no more trying control what you know you can't. believe that it'll always work out in the end.

edit: just ignore the mean people . . .

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listening to: Fiona Apple - Pale Shelter
mood: contemplating about what to do next

this weekend was pretty good. friday i went to UNLV to register for classes, but i have to wait until may 2nd to attend a seminar and to talk to my advisor. friday was also the day my nanay came home from the hospital, which was the second time in a month. but this last time we had to wear masks, cuz she might've had something contagious. but thankfully she's okay now. friday night was fun, got to hang out with reggie, eat pizza and sing songs. i love that simplicity, when i'm with my family, we always have fun. saturday i worked, watched V for Vendetta and went ice skating for the first time. I fell twice. Yu fell five times, but only cuz she wanted that tall guy with glasses to help her up. she kinda has a thing for him. i worry about Yu sometimes cuz she's always yearning after a new guy almost every week. i wish she'd just be happy by herself, i mean she has lots of good friends. Reychelle was cool and helped me out a bit, though it seemed like she got kinda bored. i guess it's cuz yu's chinese friends didn't really talk to us, they were shy. after ice skating rey, yu and i went for boba, but it was closed so we went to get gelato instead, that reminds me, i need to give her 3 dollars back. after that rey dropped us at yu's and we hung till my sis picked me up. sunday i didn't do much, but there were lots of visitors from cali that dropped by. i tried helping my sis with her project, but i fell asleep. all in all it was a good weekend.

today though, it was like any other boring monday. people are really starting to get on my nerves, i wish it was spring break already. i try not to get mad, it's so pointless, especially this late in the year, i know i probably won't see most of these people after graduation. i can't decide if that's a good or bad thing. i should also try to be nice but not too nice i hate when people walk all over me. i'm also trying to decide to go to grad nite or not. i should just go, because i want to even though not alot of my friends are going, i want to have fun during my last months of high school.

everything feels like it's winding down now . .

"50 MORE DAYS!!!" said my english teacher.

*sigh* 50 more days . . .

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can i say what's really on my mind? who cares what happens! i need to speak up and defend myself, i need to try and not be pushed around.

i probably annoy people, but who cares, i just want to get it all over with, the sooner the better. please let this end.

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