let's start over again . . .

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some things are easier said than done . . .

let's hope i get back on the right track.

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Christmas is coming, Christmas is coming! All I want for Christmas is an iPod or an electric guitar, or both! I'd be happy either way! Right now, I'm making my gifts to give out tomorrow, I hope I have enough. I've got so much on my mind, I've decided to write another song to express all my thoughts. I love songwriting, it's difficult, but it feels rewarding creating a song that you made. I love how you're able to express yourself in a completely honest way and possible share it with others. I'll need to work on my singing first. I just need to keep finding outlets for my vast and many thoughts. I could tell people, but sometimes, it seems they don't pay attention. Maybe I don't pay enough attention. I dunno. There are so many things I want to write about in my song. I' really need to work on it, so it isn't a jumbled mess, like how my thoughts are.

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i hate this class . . . all three freakin' periods of it!

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i'm short

i'm ugly

and there is nothing special about me

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so here i am in class bored outta my mind as usual. my ex-crush is sitting next to me and talking with his friend. everyone seems to be busy working on their fbla sites, but not me. my team members vance and chris are not here. in fact most of the asian seniors i know appear not to be here right now, i wonder where they are. maybe kathleen is here, there's a good chance that she is. but maybe i shouldn't be optimistic, pessimism suites me much better. i dunno i shouldn't be upset because i'm not that close with them. but still tha fact that they aren't all here is a little suspicious, maybe i shouldn't be so paranoid, but i hate the feeling of being excluded or being left out. i've felt that too many damn times in my life, i always feel like i never quite fit in. it's probably because i\'m shy and insecure and have no confidence, heck i could name a million things wrong with me, but i don't want to because i'm kinda depressed and i don't want to upset myself more. the only good thing about today is that LOST is on later tonight. it's the only reason i look forward to wednesday. i'm just gonna keep ranting and raving until i get bored of this. why is my life so boring? i should go out and do things, but i'm just a pathetic loser with no life and few friends. in fact most of the people i know, i consider aquantainces, not really friends. i'm not really close with anybody, i always keep a wall up for protection, so i don't get hurt. i'm afraid of opening up to people, because if they see the real me, the start to hate me. at least that is what i've experienced so far. i need to get some fucking confidence. i'm tired of sitting around doing nothing, but i don't have motivation for anything. i'm a sad sorry human being. and apparantly, i like to insult myself so i can feel i dunno, damn i lost my train of thought, i thought my teacher caught me. i'm so mad right now, i need something to soothe my nerves. i guess i can listen to music. well, i guess i should sign out for now. my stream of conscience thoughts are done.

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