this school year has been going about rather nicely so far. most days are boring, typical days though. but one thing that i've noticed is that there are a few people who i haven't really talked to at all lately. i dunno, it's just that we don't have anything to say to each other. but it's kind of weird because i use to talk to those people all the time. i guess it just happens, plus there is the fact that i don't have the same classes with the people i used to anymore. it's like every year i see less and less of my former classmates and friends. it kinda sucks but, that's just the way it is. there are a lot of cool hipster-like people in school dressin' all trendy - which is good because i was getting sick of seeing people dress up like cali kids and gangsters. i like the funkyness (is that a word?). this year i met some new people and that's always good. but still even though i've been going to the same school for 3 years, there are times when i'm with people and there's that uncomfortable silence. at our lunch table not everyone knows each other, and some people don't even talk. it bothers me, i guess people just want to look like they fit in with a clique. at lunch i like to walk around because i don't wanna hang out at the table where people just sit there. i've never really felt like i fit in and the fact that the people i sit with only sit together because we're asian makes it worse. i feel like i can't really say anything and you shouldn't feel that way when your with your "friends." it just really boggles my mind, who are my friends? it's strange how i only hung out with one of my friends during the summer ( i did get her a job - so that's why we saw each other) it's hard for me to figure out who's an aquaintance and who's a friend. i do know one thing though, a friend is some one who forgives you when you make a mistake and moves on. they don't avoid you or the issue and make you feel all the guilt so they can feel like their the one who's affected the most. great, now i feel bitter.

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mood: drained

Today I woke up ready for the impending doom to begin. I was definitely worried about the first day. I always feel like something might go wrong or I might do something stupid. But today actually went over pretty well.

I got ready, made myself a horrible breakfast - I wanted to experiment with the lemon pepper, so I put it on my eggs, and the left for school.

Outside I saw Jan hangin' with his buds. We talked a bit and then walked to homeroom. I saw Amber and Jill, and I actually started feeling good about being back in school.

There were so many freshmen in our homeroom, it made me feel old. I started to remember that my birthday was coming up, I'll be legal soon - oh god!

In homeroom, I made a new friend and we went to physics. The new teacher seems nice and he tried to scare us with the "this class won't be a walk in the park speech". After that went to precalc, ran into Amber(again), Mike, and Nadia. Now, knowing how much I suck at math, I know I'll have a hard time. But this year, I'm gonna seriously bust my ass and learn.

Amber and I both have student aide for third, so we went together to the career center to choose the teacher we're gonna help. I chose Mr. K, I don't why since I know he's probably gonna make fun of me. But At least it'll been fun (I hope).

Next came website science. Argh! My friends are in that class, but I hate it. It's so boring. Plus there's that one bitch who I hate. But I think I'll manage.

After that I had lunch, I saw pretty much everyone who sat at our table last year, but this year, I just couldn't sit there. So I just stopped by and talked with everyone and tried to catch up with my other friends. I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere. Lunch was extremely crowded, and it seemed to go by quickly.

Next, I had comp. The teacher seems interesting. And I like her accent, well, I like accents in general. I think there're cool.

And that was pretty much my day. Now this year, I'm gonna try and be more open -if I don't express my emotions more, I know I'll explode , talk more, and try not to be shy. Be nice to people who I don't like and try to make new friends. I so badly need this year to be the year I change. I need to try and improve myself.

I'm a freakin' senior!

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mood: anxious

Tomorrow is the first day of school, and also my senior year. This is it. The last year of high school, let's see how it goes.

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i'm starting to get obsessed with these stupid online quiz thingys again.

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you knew it was coming . . .


You are Celine from "Before Sunrise"
Take Which 90's movie character are you? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

You're the Indie Guru!
Take What sort of Hipster are you? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

You're a guitarist!
Take What Kind Of Musician Are You? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

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mood: friken' bored!

today i got a chance to peep at my class schedule for the upcoming school year. here it is:

Adv. Website Science
Comp H
Physics H
Precalc H <- i hate math.

i really wanted that psychology class but i guess they couldn't fit it into my schedule. that's ok, cuz i get a free period to leave early. i'm really glad i forced myself to go to summer school, otherwise i'd be absent mindedly wasting time in another class.

this is it, senior year. i just want to get it over with. go to school. graduate. get diploma. leave forever.though therein lies my biggest problem. i manage to half-ass my way through high school- through life actually.

so now high school is coming to an end, and i have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life. i mean i do want to go to college. but then i started to think that maybe the only reason i want to go to college is cuz that's what they tell you to do. and now, i'm not so sure.

i know that one day, i want to travel and see the world. get out of this boring, dull suburbia and get some life experience. i know i'm pretty sheltered, but it's cuz i'm shy and i don't put myself out there enough. also probably cuz i'm afraid of confrontation. seriously, i need to grow a backbone.

i want to be able to see different cultures and go to the landmarks seen on tv and movies, but how? i'm just a kid and i have practically no money. but that's my dream, i've wanted to travel for the longest time. escape, that's always been a key word for me.

i always daydream in class, i'm so good at it that teachers don't even notice, as long as you look at them they'll think you're paying attention. i dunno i've just been thinking about my future alot lately cuz of a conversation i had with my sis before she left to go back to scoo.

basically she said that she wants to become a screenwritter cuz when she was little she always wrote in her diary. hmmmmmmmmmmm, what did i do when i was little???????? i guess i was always imaginative i would create imaginary worlds to escape my boring reality. i'm good at that. but i am in no way creative. it's like i have everything visualized in my head, but when i try to conceive it through a medium, like writting, it turns out to be crap. but then i tend to be too critical of myself. plus like i wrote earlier, why should i put so much effort into something, when i can do a decent half-assed job.

which has always been my biggest problem. there are things i'm passionate about but i never seem to push myself hard enough. i know i'm probably not the only one with this dilema. and i know i learned my lesson. it's just hard to kick an old habit you've been developing your whole life.

i need motivation, it's gotta be more than just an escape, but a passion, something that'll constantly keep me going.

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