So my sister is getting married on Friday, she and her boyfriend decided this three weeks ago, and well my mother needed a proper wedding and my sister wanted to go sign the papers and that's it.
They're both freaking out, they can't find a wedding dress, they don't seem to find the catering they need, place, tables, table cloths...... my mother's family are trying to help but my sister is sooooooooo I dunno fussy and cocky, she wont use, have, be near anything pink, lilac or any color that is too girlish, she wont wear a wedding dress that look like a wedding dress, she wants the dress to cost about 600 pesos (around 50 usd) but all good dresses are around 1200 pesos (around 110 usd), she wont wear anything that glitters, she wont have roses in the decorations they all have to be lilys and orchids, you know how difficult is to find those and how expensive are in here? I mean we are in the desert dude!!
and they are in such a mood both my sister and my mother, and I'm trying to get all zen about this, but man, they know where to hit when they wanna hurt, and they have, and well I'm not in the best emotional shape to be taking those low punches.
I need to get away from them I love them and wanna help so they don't freak out, but they don't know how to stop the bashing to the people that just is not responsible for their stress....

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I am in a lonely place now......

I have barely spoken to anyone, the last few days, not in person anyways, unless they're asking me for a favor...

doing favors seems the only way to get someone to talk to me lately

it feels shitty, I don't think I'm such a bad person, or boring.... I can't get it...

thanks for the comments,
Lol Iki

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mood: sleepy
listening to: Maldita Vecindad: Mojado


I just ate and I'm really really asleepy but i don't wanna sleep.

Gray's anatomy last episode was when izzie was infront of the hospital one whole day waiting to talk to the chief, and they have the little girl who can't feel any pain.

I was on the bookstore today but there isnt a way to get book about antropology and transcultural psychology in this friggin town, damn I'm going to have to look for then on the web.... the funny thing is that in chihuahua are several psychology faculties and a big antropology school.....

I'm off I've got time to nap a little before going to school

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I was watching "Pump up the Volume" with a really young Christian Slater, and there's a scene in the movie about suicide, a guy asks Slater's character about killing himself.

Don't you have the feeling that asking someone about killing oneself is almost as obscene as asking, pfff I dunno, how do you wash down there when you take a shower?

I mean, suicide is so intimate, is a choice people have to make all alone, is like touching yourself, is a choice you always have, and you don't really talk about it unless you're drunk or with friends.

I think people talk about suicide when they don't really want to do it, they talk about it when they're desperate for having another opportunity, to hear that you appreciate them or love them, that they matter...

Some friends in the past have come to me to talk about killing themselves, I always answer the same: "It's your choice, I can say a million things, I can assure you that things are going to get better, but in the end of the day is your life, not mine, and you know how it is, and I don't, I have a pretty good Idea, but don't really know. So is your choice. I'd rather you wont go through with it, because I'll miss you a lot, I love you, and I hate that I can't do anything to make you feel better... Call me egoistic but I want you here with me..."
that's more or less what I tell them.... neither have killed themselves.

Suicide is very intimate, very lonely decision.
Lemme Know what you think.

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My sister's got the dress and I was baking cookies for her freaking reception with my aunts
My thesis director called me to offer me a job teaching english, I'm by no means an expert on the language, but I'm so desperate that I would take anything

I'm interviewing with the principal today I'm pretty nervious >_<

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My mother have six brothers and sisters. And they all were raised with very strict, traditional environment. Each and every one of them have this very macho, male dominance thing going on, even if the women are successful in their careers, they cannot earn more than their man, if they do, they must not tell or the man starts to feel threatened. The woman have always been treated like their comprehension and opinion on stuff are not useful or thoughtful and then they have the exactly the same idea or opinion, and are awarded like witty and smart...

So I was raised in this kind of family, and always been jealous of this kind of social benefits of being a man... then I grew up and learned to be tough and independent, to not take crap from man, to stand up to my point of view and ignore my family. To be not scandalized by sex and learned to be free spirited and everything.

But then I've got this uncle, it bothers me because my mom loves her brothers very much, but it annoys me a lot cuz he arrives to my home and is very pissed when I only say hello! goodbye and don't go over there and kiss him on the cheek, I hate him cuz since I grew up and grew boobs like the ones you can see in my Avvie he stares and stares and I dunno I imagine the old fuck is thinking dirty stuff every time he sees me so when he greets me he always pushes me away yet he's always bitching about me not going over there and kiss him!!!!!
I hate him.
I have like 16 cousins, and the only one in the family (besides me and my sister) that arent in with this macho crap is another cousin that is minimized because she's a single parent. She hates this uncle too, I dunno exactly what he did to her but I imagine is pretty much the same.

Well he got really drunk last night in my sister's wedding reception. the good thing though was he left without being noticed. The bad thing is that he's not even responsible enough to not drive while he's that drunk and left in his own car with his wife and kid.

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Today I had to do a presentation for what I've been doing with my research the last six months to the guys are paying my scholarship, and yesterday I was collecting my data for making my power point presentation when I realized some of the things I done were wrong and had to do them all over again and then my pc had a software crisis and I was in the verge of a panic attack but around 10 am after only one hour of sleep I could find another software to work with and made all the things I had to do just in time to arrive to this place, I'm taking pictures tomorrow is an art deco house I love, there are like 4 in chihuahua, and this is a museum but school rented it to do this event, cuz there are about 30 people with active social research in the school presenting, yesterday were the presentations of the guys who just started, today, was our turn, the guys in the third semester , and tomorrow there'll be the time for the fourth and final semester, they'll be presenting completed or almost finished investigations, and it'll be more enjoyable now that I'm not freaking out about a stupid ass software xD

anyways, I'm tired
:D

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so today I skipped a meeting I had with the woman is directing my thesis... I haven't done anything for my thesis this semester I've been feeling so down I don't even wanna get up in the morning
hope my depression goes away soon

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