the beginning (a simple seed) ~the classic crime
i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table, it will be locked
til i get home
i'm growing feeble and tired of the world
tired of constantly missing my girl
and i long to smell the sea
i miss the Pacific Ocean
and the northwestern air
and run each of my fingers
through the strands of her hair
ive been over this country lately
but i've been nowhere it seems, nowhere
but ive found the cure to my landlocked blues
its coming home to you
if a simple seed
gets just what it needs
then a redwood tree can grow
up to a hundred feet
and endure the sleet and the snow
but if my whole life
was wrapped and priced
i wonder what the tag would show
cuz everytime im close to the holy ghost
i let her go
i let her go...
i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table
it will be locked, til i get home
S M T W T F S
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quotes i'd like to save...
-=How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd=- ~Alexander Pope
-=ur the sunshine after the rain, the tylenol to my pain=-~me
-='I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry=- ~ W.H. Auden
-=live ur life, make ur heaven=- ~me reflecting upon stuff i learned at yfc
-=life isnt measured by the breaths u take, but moreso the number of breaths u take away=-~meggyo's profile
but i know..i know-i know
Thursday. 2.24.05 10:37 am
well gawrsh. i havent been into this thing in a while...its snowing out...so yeah. ive got a bit of time on my hands. no work. no school. just good old fashioned time on the computer. haha..'old fashioned computer time' almost an oxymoron...but anyway. quite the eventful time i had this past weekend. my bud william from 6th grade came to visit me...he wasnt even really supposed to go so far from the base without a classmate or whatever but meh. he took a train down...and we hung out. it was like he just took a step into my everyday life...well weekend wise at least. what i really wanna say is...how awesome my friends are. i mean they're just really great people. william was obviously an outsider...and they took him in quite well. even tho his social skills are a bit under-developed..my friends literally rallied to his side when he needed a lil encouragement. ha...we were taking turns giving the weight bench a try....i think it was like 85 pounds. will was having some trouble..and niki and mike instantly went to spot him so he wouldnt feel bad. n it wasnt even like a forced 'oh i feel obligated to do this' kinda thing i dont think....nick gave him the high five deal when we dropped him off at home n stuff....everyone else was really cool too....just naturally awesome friends of mine.....
anyway...i think i'm gonna eat. i'll prolly do another entry or 17 over the course of today. *later gators shmators titilators*
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starbucks has an interesting effect on me..
Wednesday. 2.9.05 5:54:47 pm
ok well yeah. i only have it every so often....and today i had it. i woke up this morning not wanting to wake up. hit snooze a couple times...n before i knew it..it was already 5:40. so i decided to call out of work. i call at 6am just to find out that my boss isnt even there. so he was late to work. i didnt call again during the day...meh...i should probably tell em i hafta change my schedule back to 7 cuz this 6am business is not sitting so well with me. or should i tough it out cuz i need more hours? how bad do i need those hours? how brave am i to go up to my boss to tell him i need to change my hours? well ball all those factors up...and i come to the conclusion...tough it out for a lil more. today was a special case because..monday i worked 10 hours. and tuesday i worked 11. so 21 hours in 2 days...is a lot for me. plus the change of protocols is yet again...more physically taxing. they just keep upping the ante im telling ya....so yes. i took off. my spanish teacher is out for a week so theres no class tonight either....SO yeah i had the whole day off. no work, no school. i slept til 11 oclock. i got at least
a solid 12 hours of sleep. did little to no physical activity today....went out n got my silly 14"x17" pad of bristol paper for art...a venti caramel macchiato...and here i am. pfff...i had some trouble speaking today. i must have spoken under 50 words today. then again...that may not be too unusual for me...well by the time im done with school i do talk quite a bit...but yeah. i stuttered pretty bad with the order at starbucks. i get up to the register...and i just couldnt spit it out!
"can i have a....vent-ee ... a vent--tee...a vee....a ve...venTAY...a vent.......*ahem*...can i have a venti['ventay'] caramel macchiato please?
anyway...so i get the drink...sit down in a lil bit of aggrivation with myself...decide its not worth worrying about...and then i was about to sit outside and drink my coffe, cuz it wasnt too bad out...kinda ugly, but warm enough to sit outside and enjoy the well above freezing temperatures..BUT..of course theres a middle aged couple smoking
at one of the tables outside. so i'm like screw that...and i sit down n kinda stare out the window...enjoying my coffee....and thennnnnnnnn a song for which i can not seem to find a way to enjoy....i dont even know the title, but it was definitely by macy gray. and so. not wanting her to ruin my coffee...i leave. pass the smokers. and go home, blaring my kinda music, singing at the top of my lungs, yelling at the top of my lungs at the musical notes as they escaped my open window...nice fresh air....SO YES. the quick drive home was nice.. and wubam...here i am...and i'm feelin pretty good. my coffee is officially...done.
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w/unconstricted bronchial tubes comes enlightenmen
Monday. 1.31.05 1:36:17 pm
ha. well ok. i just got back from...... *bum bum bummm* the doctors. yeah. woke up this morning...feeling a good amount better than yesterday, although that really isnt saying a whole lot. i actually slept through the majority of the night. i would occassionally wake up for like a second or 2...but then i'd just go back to sleep. so yeah. my mom's like...u dont feel better yet keith!? we better call ur doctor. so i whip out my handy dandy insurance card from my work..n it turns out...i had picked out a pediatrician! so...that had to be remedied, since it would have been inappropriate for me to go to a pediatrician due to the fact that im a grown 19 year old man. but um....yeah. so my mother and i figure out how to change my doctor to someone appropriate..and we actually got the usual doctor that my family goes to...so it worked out really well- thank goodness. so yeah. we scurried on over there...n thennn....the doc (his name is patalinghug "pa ta lin hog" dr. pat fer short) but ummm...yeah so dr pat looked me over...took my blood pressure n held the stethescope to my back n chest while i took deep breaths...and he was like...well ur wheezing really bad so lets give u a nebulizer treatment. now if u dont know what that is....its a contraption which evaporates a concentrated liquid medicine into a vapor..which is directed through a mouthpiece..which i breathe in through my mouth and exhale through my nose. SO! yeah...i was in pretty bad shape...i had to sit there for 15 minutes breathing in this vapor stuff...my brothers had been sitting in the waiting room outside...my mom was with me...but then my mom was like 'its gonna take 15 minutes? well i better get those kids in here with us'....and then...it was like..my mom n 3 bros....staring at me...breathing in through this loud whirring machine...i was mildly embarassed.. i mean..just going to the doctor in general wasnt something i was exactly proud about...i felt like i was weak er something..a 'sickling'...but um...yeah with keiko, jj, n jericho staring at me like that...i couldnt look em in the eye. i kept thinking...theyre not gonna look at me the same way now....i mean i know i'm a pretty influential figure to them..n i kept thinking. 'i bet theryre like.... KEITH? SICK? hes NOT invincible?' haha...but um...yeah..i want to be that superman for them..but im only human. so yeah. umm....wow. so yeah they nebulized me. prescribed me medicine. scheduled me another appointment for thursday, february 10 at 11am. *sigh*...so yeah...uhh...came home...i felt pretty kiddy for asking my mom to cook a certain dish for me...i felt kiddy just letting my mom help me at all really. like she paid for the copay for the appointment cuz i didnt have cash and they didnt accept mastercard...n she insisted she give me a massage yesterday. man....thats my mom tho...i guess i'm grateful to have her today.. wow i should prolly be a little more appreciative of her. im gonna return that video that she was supposed to return today. *nod of satisfaction* haha..small small token of my appreciation... blah. but anyway. i called outta work today..but im going to school tonight. sick time covers my time at work, but i'll never get to receive the lecture/take the quiz that im supposed to have tonight, if i dont go. SO! yeah..i feel good tho. i'm gonna watch everwood tonight also. hahaha meghans got me mildly hooked.... hokay. i'm outta here. catch u gators later. *shawoomblafoomaifeelalotbetterthandidyesterday!*
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my body weak...my spirit strong.
Sunday. 1.30.05 3:31:07 am
wow....its hard to even put it into words...but i'm gonna try. meghan and i are back together. her weekend physically alone with no roommates or usual friends around campus enabled her to really cut to the core of herself. and after much contemplation, basically just didnt want me waiting around anymore. although i was almost eager to stand this test of time...to prove to her my devotion..but theres sure to be plenty of other tests to come, i'm up for those challenges just as willingly...i love you meghan.
...mm. so if u didn't notice...i started this entry at 3:30 in the morning. and so...yeah i only got like...3 hours of sleep. i just couldn't breathe..i woke up coughing..egh. so i'm not feeling so good. i'm drinking some hot chocolate outta my oh so cool slippery rock mug...its really just warm chocolate now but still...hehe...it mildly helped...but i think i may sleep down here..its kinda stuffy in my room. i'm gonna give sleep a shot now. to all a good night...
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Thursday. 1.27.05 4:27 pm
i brought my headphones...a couple cds....and STILL..no music. just the light chatter among colleagues in the computer lab.... pretty ridiculous.i need music...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! although...in my spanish history class i decided to do my presentation thingy on the spanish guitar...so that will probably be cool ....i looked into joining a 'history club' which includes meetings every other week and every other week of those every other weeks.....is a movie. and in those movies theres free food/drink for the members. so yeah thats a big benefit for me....free food....kill time....then go to class. wubam. so that may even take up time for me to NOT write in this thing every thursday. but alas...i am here....so...its not very likely to impede on thissss particular thursday ritual....blah. well anyway......fsdafsdlfjsldjfkjsdfjsdlkjfljl;asdjfsl;dakjfsl;adjfas;ldkjf.....and that was a lesson on the home keys.and on that wild and crazy note..i'm done. im gonna give my health hw a shot.....*goooeyfooeywooey
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Tuesday. 1.25.05 5:54:16 pm
goodness gracious. well then. yeah that comment on my entry before this one. i wonder who that is. my first guess was allison. i guess she would classify as yet another skeleton in my closet. she lives in california..an old middle school crush...until we started talking. i had found her via aol, and we talked. i guess we kept in touch mildly...n then last year we started talking on the phone. when i visited california we hung out a lot. i guess things were very close..close to constituting a 'boy/girl friend relationship' that is..i thought it was for awhile too..but she always seemed to slip by the idea without really acknowleding anything...not to say that i'm human being of the year or anything...but yeah. she misplaced her cellphone...we became distant..i neglected to do anything special for her birthday...n she brushed me off.....and now here i am. telling the story. i mean damn. i dont even know if the anonomous comment left was from allison, but yeah, i just wanna eliminate any idea that i'm hiding something. if it isn't allison, then i have no idea who the comment is from.....*sigh*...california. i remember finding myself being way too self consciouss in california..more self consciouss than usual i guess. hm. ok. i'm thinking now...how different i'd be if i had never moved to maryland. i mean wow. just my personality..my interests...etc...i looked up one of my best friends in california... charles's xanga. and yeah. i mean if i was to pick anyone i would have 'followed' through highschool, it woulda been him. i'm not trying to sound insulting...i'm just pointing out the differences..he has a thing for shoes. and that may be a 'typical' kinda thing for ppl in california... heres a quote from his xanga
"I'm a very competitive person when it comes to video games but now i'm juss geting old and that's what i need to do which is grow old and grow up so imma calm down with video games and such and seriously stick to school and looking good for school. so that means expensive clothes and shoes all day
that was from last month...so yes. ok. video games didnt really leave my life either, but i havent been seriously competitive since...a long time ago. but anyway. looking good for school. expensive clothes and shoes all day. thats a lil much i'd say. i guess a bit arrogant for my tastes...but altogether mildly immature and vain[sp?]. so yes....i mean i'm all for looking respectable, but 75 pairs of jordans and 50 dollar tshirts just don't seem worth it to me...not to mention, the last time i checked...charles didnt have a job.. but then again maybe he does, i havent kept in touch with him like that... anyway...*sigh*......
*another sigh*...to each their own. if clothes is ur thing...good for you. if leaving anonomous comments is ur thing, more power to ya. thats all just petty for me. bullshitting is not my thing. so lets all get over it. whatever it is that's keeping us from being open, and free.... free urself.
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the number is lesser in value..and easier to swallow
~'would you like something to drink'
if your stomach feels weak, then my work here is done
~'the words "best friend" become redefined'
if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, i'll follow you into the dark
~'i'll follow you into the dark'
i'll be floating out at sea, waiting for periscopes to spot my warm body
~'no ace, just you'
this is the part where i'll admit i'm getting what i deserve
~'lost and found'
lets sleep tonight on a bed of nails, so that every other night doesn't seem so painful after all
~'beter than sex'
if it were up to me, you're gone, i've been dying to get it into you somehow
hours pass, and she still counts the minutes that i am not there, i swear i didn't mean for it to feel like this
wanna fuck up my life?-i'll let you.
this is the rhythm i was signing to the beat of my feat as i walked away
~'i fought the broad (and the broad won)'
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
if i could, i'd only want to make you smile
~'make you smile'
the past is only the future with the lights on
~'baby, come on'
morning always comes too quick when you're around..
i beg not to escape permeating my pores, whetting my appetite for more
~'amanda's poem about unicorns '
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
love me gently with a chainsaw
~'tie her down'
smiles and her laughter, its the only thing that ive been waiting for
so many high points on this last leg, i cant wait to recount them- it seems like nothings happened until ive shared them with you
~'shirts and gloves'
ur lips, ur eyelashes- ur skin, these are the parts of ur body that cause my comatose to begin
~'all hail the heartbreaker'
lets start out-by starting over... ~'lovers and liars'