1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
start a new life.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolution and will you make more for next year?
didnt really make one
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
uh....no. *shrug*
4. Did anyone close to you die?
the denison g'ma
5. What countries did you visit?
uh...none
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
the drive to be a better person
7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
desi's birthday...
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
starting anew
9. What was your biggest failure?
Lying
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
actually, no. i dont think i was sick this whole year...although the injury of falling on my head on the ice rink would constitute as an injury i guess
11. What was the best thing you bought? my glow in the dark xtreme gulp...gas for me n mike's drive to pennsylvania
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
umm....i'd hafta say..meghan's. *nod*. yup.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
my own
14. Where did most of your money go?
the bills
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
the drive to PA with mike
16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
who i am hates who i've been (( the song thats playing on this site))
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? probably thinner by like ounces. seriously
c) richer or poorer? a little richer i think.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
being truthful
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
lying
20. How did you spend your Christmas?
sleeping through the family opening the presents.
21. Did you fall in love in 2004?
I’d say so.
22. How many one-night stands?
zero
23. What was your favorite TV program?
the simpsons
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
i dont hate anyone.
25. What was the best book you read?
uhh...in 04 i only read one book. and i think it was.... 'joy luck club' by amy tan
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
'amandas poem about unicorns' my favorite song.
27. What did you want and get?
I wanted to resolve things with some people, and we have. I wanted friends who never gave up on me and they are still here. I wanted someone who I could share everything with and I did. I wanted to be happy and I think I am.
28. What did you want and not get?
i wanted....blissful ignorance. and i guess i'm glad i didnt get it.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
definitely garden state...but the incredibles was a distant 2nd
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 19 this past summer...and..wow. i was in california..and...i spent it with friends there...and got 'boba' drinks...wow...it was cold. i remember that much.
31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
nothing
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
'this looks decently nice, n if u dont think so.... meh'
33. What kept you sane?
meghan meghan banana-fana- fo feghannnnn
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
haha..theres this girl on filipino tv that i have a crush on...her names kate abad. *shrug* fancy shmancy
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
gay marriage was probably the most discussed one for me
36. Who did you miss?
my family n a few friends in california....and meghan. garsh she lives way over there.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
the only real new person i met would be joe. so...yeah i guess hes cool
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
If u are faced with an easy way out and a hard way ALWAYS choose the hard way or else you’ll pay for it down the road, anyone can tell you what to do but you have to learn for yourself...

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
im sorry for..the person i've became...
im sorry that...it took me so long to change
im ready to..to make sure i never become that way again

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i can't sleep...at 5 i got a call asking if i wanted to go to a movie....saw meet the fockers....which was good...but alas. this is not what i really want to blog about. afterwards...we hung out outside of the movies....and...wow..its difficult to just put it into words now.. clint announced that someone should just take action as to where we should go/what we should do, he suggested a diner, i suggested honey bee, and said 123 break, and bam. off to the races. *sigh* getting things moving seems to be something i'm kinda good at.....for other people. its not remotely a fantastically profound ability, but *shrug* i dunno. so we get to the diner...and everyone just kinda sits...some tell their stories.....n janine gets mentioned....n i'm caught yet again...telling other people's stories. not just mikes, i think another 2 ppl....yeah. n i just thought 'im such a leech'...i looked back on a lot of the festivities ive had the people i was sitting at the diner with...n i felt like i was just a...like a...viewer. a bystander.. when i hung out at adrian's house, i didnt contribute to any of the fun, n he said 'u dont have to contribute to the fun to be a friend'.... well damn. i guess i never really contribute to ANYTHING...but am i useless? not quite. i kinda get things rolling. now i want to get things rolling for myself. im gonna live out some stories of my own..but i cant do that alone. what kinda stories have just one character? can anyone think of a story about me that they can tell? something i should be proud about? i could use a shot of optimism right about now..this wave of pessimism will subside.. i should drink coffee more often.

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wow. i'm home. i had left for pennsylvania thursday afternoon. mike came along. wow....what a feat. through the pouring rain....we got to hershey. tidal waves kicked up by trucks going the opposite direction n all. in hershey... i introduced meghan/mike...we enjoyed some coffee...funny conversations.....it was very refreshing just kicking back..sipping on some coffee...laughing it up...dinner came around....n mike had been gracefully allowed to stay for dinner. wow....what else....after a fantastic pasta dinner...humorous disneyworld/airplane stories...farewells/much needed-long overdue hugs were exchanged... n we headed out to see janine in philly. through the ridiculous traffic patterns...we struggled to the final destination of her house...introductions....funny songs....old conversations....large bold fonts.....the comedy of dane cook..and then sleep. good times...janine is very cool. the drive back....why is it....that the exits on 95 south go as follows: 14.....13...12........10....9.....8...7...6...5...4..3...2....1... ELEVEN?????????????????? and of course the exit we were looking for was 11. so...we attempt to turn around thinking we overshot the exit. and we figure we couldnt have missed it, and we should just follow 95 south. and we pass up 1 and bam it shows 11. soooooooo horrible. philadelphia's traffic patterns dont make ANY KIND OF SENSE to me, and i doubt they would make sense to very many other ppl. SO................yes. although. the cool thing was...mike and i just made a great road trip team. his logic+my logic = sanity. haha..and it was pretty difficult to stay sane for some parts of the trip. but the similarity in our way of thinking...the similarity kept us on the same page, following direction wise. but once the directions were hard to follow, we were on our own. and thats when our differences in logic came out. where i lacked in logic, he picked up, and maybe even vice versa. i kept my cool driving...he kept the facts straight navigation wise. it was a great experience. it was fun, and adventurous....i'm tired. need food. fragmented sentences rock....jiggada jiggada jung.

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i woke up yesterday at 1:30 in the afternoon, and today i'm waking up at 7:30. thats pretty humorous i'd say. anyway...hmph. i wonder what i'm gonna do today.. bleh, but yesterday! wow. like i said, woke up at 1:30pm...got online...matt/mike came over and then i drove us to best buy. i got a cd/tape converter. haha it sounds so ghetto, but i keep thinking...'so what, my cd's have 200 songs on em'...haha *shrug*...guffawblammo so yeah....after the ridiculous line at best buy, we headed back to mikes house. but oh man. when we arrived at best buy, i pulled into a parking spot, and there was a can of beer on the spot dividing line!! haha..it was on my passenger side, n mike saw it as we were pulling in cuz he had shotgun. SO we get outta the car and mike actually picks it up n is like 'whop want a beer matt!?' hahaha and freaking it turns out to be a completely unopened-cold bud light. it was ridiculous. mike referred to it as 'a homeless person's dream' hehe.. so mike put it back on the ground, cuz we're all too straight edge to drink. so anywayy...we get back and it looked like the can of beer had been shaken up and busted. so...eh we left and went back to mikes. there the three (wow those words look a lot alike ' there the three ') of us just kinda played video games/poker/ping pong for the rest of the day..and then i got summoned to hang out with adrian and his crew. and it really is 'adrian and his crew' cuz like...they dont really know me..n i dont really know them. its always kinda just been knowing offfff eachother. so yeah....i drove out to adrian's house, and then we all sat around. they all talked about inside jokes....drunken experiences....and other miscellaneous stuff. i prolly said like 10 words the whole like 2.5 hours i was there. prolly the one topic i really wanted to say something about was... a third gender? and who's the 'more evil' of the two existing genders. i think the third gender concept was kinda stupid. but the 'more evil' jazz is all stereotyping. everyone's different. and everyone has different perspectives of everyone else. they may have been playing around er whatever, n werent very serious, but i guess i've got a mildly existentialist point of view on the differences between genders, if not just everyone in general. hm. 'reflection' *inside joke* silly adrian...*sigh*. speaking of stereotyping

..i love me some:


"and i...contrived some sort of a plan, to help my fellow man
lets get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
so we'll be tipped off- to when theyre ticked off
cuz we'll know just what theyre thinkin....

...

if its drama u want, then look no further
theyre like the real world, meets the real world, meets days of our lives."

-'mood rings' ~relient k

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well then. i got to talk to a few folks..who read this journal.... n if ur reading this now...thanks. thanks fer talking me through it...thanks fer being there..

just the lasting presence of my friends....and just my potential. i guess i overlooked these things yesterday....*sigh* more sins to put on the list. i'm sorry for doubting you, my awesome friends. and i'm sorry i was drenched in pessimism yesterday....



i'll beat this starting now

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*sigh*..............i guess i've had a couple hours to vent some steam. at mikes it was in a video game. losing as usual. but um..after that in the car i felt i needed to pound the crap outta my knees just listening to the song....PAIN. by jimmy eat world. kinda funny. it takes my pain away.............................*sigh*....after that one song the music in the car was pretty slow....and i calmed down...calmed way down actually...i took off my glasses....and um...and yeah i felt just utterly alone....i mean yeah...mike brett casey and nick were in the car but...i dunno....... ugh. and at the mall. i was so loud and obnoxious...i just didnt give a shit tonight.. i kept my glasses off very aware of how blind i was as i walked through the mall....i was dead inside..or maybe i'm dead inside and i've been in denial.. was i ever living? when was the last time i was truthfully alive? am i so far gone now, that theres no turning back? im so far gone now..i've been runnin on empty. ....*sigh*...i just feel hopeless. i need a sanctuary...but i've tainted every branch of support that i so luckily have/had. blahh...........................i need to sleep for a few trillion hours.

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