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the beginning (a simple seed) ~the classic crime
i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table, it will be locked
til i get home

i'm growing feeble and tired of the world
tired of constantly missing my girl
and i long to smell the sea

the sea...
the sea-yeah

i miss the Pacific Ocean
and the northwestern air
and run each of my fingers
through the strands of her hair

ive been over this country lately
but i've been nowhere it seems, nowhere

but ive found the cure to my landlocked blues
its coming home to you


if a simple seed
gets just what it needs
then a redwood tree can grow
up to a hundred feet
and endure the sleet and the snow

but if my whole life
was wrapped and priced
i wonder what the tag would show
cuz everytime im close to the holy ghost
i let her go

i let her go...

i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table
it will be locked, til i get home

May 2022

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quotes i'd like to save...
-=How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd=- ~Alexander Pope

-=ur the sunshine after the rain, the tylenol to my pain=-~me

-='I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry=- ~ W.H. Auden

-=live ur life, make ur heaven=- ~me reflecting upon stuff i learned at yfc

-=life isnt measured by the breaths u take, but moreso the number of breaths u take away=-~meggyo's profile
Tuesday. 1.25.05 5:54:16 pm
goodness gracious. well then. yeah that comment on my entry before this one. i wonder who that is. my first guess was allison. i guess she would classify as yet another skeleton in my closet. she lives in california..an old middle school crush...until we started talking. i had found her via aol, and we talked. i guess we kept in touch mildly...n then last year we started talking on the phone. when i visited california we hung out a lot. i guess things were very close..close to constituting a 'boy/girl friend relationship' that is..i thought it was for awhile too..but she always seemed to slip by the idea without really acknowleding anything...not to say that i'm human being of the year or anything...but yeah. she misplaced her cellphone...we became distant..i neglected to do anything special for her birthday...n she brushed me off.....and now here i am. telling the story. i mean damn. i dont even know if the anonomous comment left was from allison, but yeah, i just wanna eliminate any idea that i'm hiding something. if it isn't allison, then i have no idea who the comment is from.....*sigh*...california. i remember finding myself being way too self consciouss in california..more self consciouss than usual i guess. hm. ok. i'm thinking now...how different i'd be if i had never moved to maryland. i mean wow. just my personality..my interests...etc...i looked up one of my best friends in california... charles's xanga. and yeah. i mean if i was to pick anyone i would have 'followed' through highschool, it woulda been him. i'm not trying to sound insulting...i'm just pointing out the differences..he has a thing for shoes. and that may be a 'typical' kinda thing for ppl in california... heres a quote from his xanga

"I'm a very competitive person when it comes to video games but now i'm juss geting old and that's what i need to do which is grow old and grow up so imma calm down with video games and such and seriously stick to school and looking good for school. so that means expensive clothes and shoes all day."

that was from last month...so yes. ok. video games didnt really leave my life either, but i havent been seriously competitive since...a long time ago. but anyway. looking good for school. expensive clothes and shoes all day. thats a lil much i'd say. i guess a bit arrogant for my tastes...but altogether mildly immature and vain[sp?]. so yes....i mean i'm all for looking respectable, but 75 pairs of jordans and 50 dollar tshirts just don't seem worth it to me...not to mention, the last time i checked...charles didnt have a job.. but then again maybe he does, i havent kept in touch with him like that... anyway...*sigh*......

*another sigh*...to each their own. if clothes is ur thing...good for you. if leaving anonomous comments is ur thing, more power to ya. thats all just petty for me. bullshitting is not my thing. so lets all get over it. whatever it is that's keeping us from being open, and free.... free urself.

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Saturday. 1.22.05 7:54:56 am
here i am...enjoying my 2nd favorite breakfast ever....blueberry bagels with cream cheese and a glass of orange juice.. delicious. wow... i toasted 2 bagels...and im down to my last slice. i'm pretty full...n i just got a orange juice refill. anyway. TRIUMPH is the title of this blog due to the fact that my art class today has been cancelled!!!!!!!! wooh!!! cuz its gonna snowwwww lots. at LEAST 3 inches. soooo. yeah. i woke up at a solid 7:15 or so and watched the news. n wubam. 'ANNE ARUNDEL COMM COLLEGE - ALL KINDSA CLOSED FOR TODAY' hahaha....itd be funny if thats what actually showed on the tv. hehe...but yeah...i had a couple dreams..oh man...i was at an airport...i was exiting the plane...and then i realized i left my baggage on the plane...so i run back to the plane....but ultimately i am just lead to another like airport place...and i go to this lost and found place i guess and its some young hoodlum with headphones on...n im like..'i forgot my junk' er something along those lines. and so...the guy's like...'i dunno what ur talking about' he was trying to keep my junk!!! so i look like right behind him...n i see my backpack. and i know now for sure that my dreams (or at least this one) are in color. cuz my bookbag is blue...and i recognized it cuz of its color. so yeah. im like, 'dood its right there'...so he gives up n hands me my junk....and wubam. the end. wublam...meggyo has the coolest surveys i tells ya...

this was an entry of meghans...and it was entitled 'survey into my heart' only now i changed the answers to mine of course.
[my answers are in no particular order]

Ten Random things about me:
10. my favorite food is mangoes
9. i used to have exczema....sp?
8. i notice babies smiling at me a lot...like a lot a lot.
7. i have 7 fish but none of them have names
6. i own an embarrassing amount of trading card game cards. haha
5. my favorite song of all time right now is amanda's poem about unicorns by feeling left out
4. i always wanted to be the cool guy everyone kinda expects a laugh out of
3. i've moved.....*counts on fingers*...12 times...including my dads moves and my moms moves...so that kinda adds up
2. im a sucker for anything acoustic
1. My mood is very influenced by the weather

Nine places I’ve visited:
9. Daly City, CA
8. Berkely, CA
7. New York, NY
6. Disneyland, CA
5. Hershey, PA
4. Philladelphia, PA
3. San Francisco, CA
2. Manila, Phillippines
1.Orlando, FL

Eight things I want to do before I die:
8. Live
7. Watch a meteor shower
6. Get some sort of teaching award
5. See the Northern Lights
4. Go on some sort of exotic cruise
3. Get married to the love of my life
2. Raise children I am proud of
1. Be able to be content with dying

Seven ways to win my heart:
7. intelligence is always a plus
6. communicate, honestly
5. being unique
4. getting me out of my 'comfort zone' for miscellaneous festivities
3. show that you’re proud that I am yours
2. be supportive
1. be goofy… true lovers can be silly

Six things I believe in:
6. shit happens
5. we must learn the lessons of life ourselves
4. that i'm one of the luckiest people in the world.
3. music is the most versatile art form
2. a thing called love
1. Honesty is the best policy

Five things I am afraid of:
5. blowing up at george one day *knock on wood*
4. not getting into towson
3. losing those I care about
2. people not liking me when im truthful..but thats not stopping me from being truthful
1. affecting someone’s life in negatively

Four of my favorite items in my bedroom:
4. my poster board of pictures n stuff...
3. my guitar
2. i guess my bed is mildly interesting...
1. i like the desk i guess for how its convenient to just flop stuff on.

Three things I do everyday:
3. listen to music
2. think
1. talk to meghan...in my dreams or otherwise.

Two things I am trying not to do right now:
2. worry
1. be cold

One person I want so see right now:
1. Meghan

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Friday. 1.21.05 3:54:20 pm
why is it...that whenever i start an entry...the time is an hour slow. hmph. i fix it 99% of time of course...i'm starting to think that i missed it the past time...i find myself kinda spent after today..i guess i need to get use to the constant work/school thing again...music will always be one of few asylums for me....as well as friends of course.....anyway...i'm just bored right now. just being lazy really.....but by the end of this weekend...i must accomplish....finishing my towson app....and laundry...those are really at the top of priorities in reference to goals for the weekend............blah that was kinda redundant. i need to rock out. listen to loud music...sing even louder.....maybe i just need some physical activity...*sigh* oo i noticed today...in my nutrition class. just the various teaching styles. after taking that edu111 class...and really sitting down and thinking about the methods of teaching...i've looked at my professors in a whole new light..n i pick up on their strategies like....' oh well now shes trying to establish credibility.....oh and now shes giving us some wait time for us to answer her half rhetorical question' my nutrition teacher said something today..it was like... 'the best way to learn something, is to teach it'...i thought that was pretty cool. i've probably heard that somewhere before but yeah.....quite interesting..its gonna snow tomorrow. afternoon/evening-ish....so i better get outta the house now whilst i can. yes i said whilst. hahaha....oh man im bored. i guess going back to school has kinda brought out the blogger in me again.....in more ways than one... i mean while i was on vacation, i was just going to work....which is usually mind numbing. so yeah..getting my mind engaged at school is cool..it forces me to pay attention...focus...contemplate...reflect...all higher levels of thinking, higher than the way i usually think at work at least....the words are just at the tip of my tongue now....but at work i keep to myself a lot and i dont speak much...i just need to get used to the classes, well more like get used to my classmates. oh man that reminds me of spanish...i look forward to going to it. wow i have homework to do for spanish. pshaw....spanish AND health....ha...and i have art tomorrow....fundamentals of art. crap. i spent 112 bucks on my first textbook since like....a LONG time ago. i bought some blank cds too...rewritable tho. so i wont hafta keep burning a million cds with everything on it slightly revised each time. hmm....my tuition payment is due next week...so thats another 300....then 200 for insurance....so yeah. lotso money spent in like...a week. although...i did get my tax form in the mail today...wow i made a lil over 10,000 dollars last year. it sounded pretty crazy. i kept thinking...how the hell did i pull THAT off....not to mention...whered it all go???? ...i mean..i must have spent a lot of money on...gas...tuition...insurance....movies...food......and other things i dont recall of the very tip top of my head.........blah. but yeah. my tax return should be better than last year.....anyway. this entry has been pretty long. wow. longest one in a while..........................................................ok now its done! *shablammawammaslam!*

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back so soon?!?
Friday. 1.21.05 7:36:02 am
wow. not 12 hours ago...i was in this very building. i could have went to class last night. slept in my car, woke up and went to class at 9 today, and THEN went home. woulda saved me about 20 miles of gas. like 2 bucks. but anyway....yeah im just waiting for class yet again....my hands are pretty cold. man i hope this principles of health isnt too boring. i mean it could be all about food...n that could be fun right? i mean being nutritious n all that...but its a bio class...so i hope it doesnt have too much bio mumbojumbo....*sigh*....im probably gonna do this like everyyyyy thursday and friday. freaking entries out the wazoo...i should take my headphones in so i can listen to music....*sigh* i thought about it this morning but i didnt think id have so much time to kill before class started...meh...i really only have like 10 more minutes......really only like...no minutes i'll show up a few minutes early. *kaboomafooma!*

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an update....of the update sort.
Thursday. 1.20.05 4:58:49 pm
wow well im sitting here in the computer lab...and im just trying to make noise with my typing. i always liked that. i mean u cant really say something about it cuz like ur in a computer lab, 'hey why are u typing so gosh dang much!??!!' i mean come on...anyway....yeah meghan and i are not a couple anymore...but i'm definitely still hers. and i dont plan to be anyone elses. *sigh*. yeah.......anyway. school has started up again and im liking it so far i guess. aside from the flop of the spanish conversation class turning out to be a history of spain class, i'm liking my schedule so far. however i hafta sign up for a silly science class, which looks more like a health class, but its nutrition..and its under biology...so yes. bio135. uhhh....im depressed seeing it dark outside......and....im bored here...and....OH the song currently playing is no longer LX...its obviously from first to last...and the title is emily...my fave song by them currently. and ummm...oh man. the band that was LX is broken up...so yeah....the lead guy er whatever is just switching up guys and is still gonna play LX songs...but just with diff people...so that kinda blows for the guys that got ditched...uhhhh.....bleh. im leaving the lab.....soon...in like 5 minutes...i hafta see if i can sign up for that nutrition class. i wonder if i'm typing super loud. but its not like i hit the keys extra hard...or do i? bum bum....im just typing...typing right along...doo da dooo da dooo......*breath*.........ftpv. (sound it out)

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i feel like typing..
Sunday. 1.16.05 12:43:39 pm
i feel like typing..but im having a bit of trouble getting the thoughts from my brain to my fingers to the keyboard....kinda weird...is it moreso difficult to pour ones brain/heart out via keyboard...or is it just as easy to do so by way of speaking to another person, someone with whom ur very comfortable.. hehe...shout outs to meggyo...thats why i fall asleep on the phone hahaha...just really comfortable. ahem...but yeah... wowza...i was thinking about blogging it up a couple times in the past few days actually. thursday i had a most productive day. i was taken advantage of at work...in a good way i guess. haha...like i was put to good use. i worked hard...and they got me to apply myself. its kinda weird cuz i've been working there so long...and like i guess im familiar enough with the work so that i can do it half assed at heart...and still be doing more than satisfactory for the boss. but they threw me a curveball thursday...and i really stepped up. felt sore in the morning...cuz stepping up consisted of more physically taxing slave work...but still... i wanna feel the pain of payment...thats a line from the used cd....the last track actually...hehe.... speaking of awesome music. the song ur currently listening to is my fave song by the band LX. i believe cassandra discovered them by chance on purevolume.com ....and then it just snowballed...into nick getting the cd...into letting mike and i listen to it in mikes car...into mike and i loving the cd....into mike buying the cd....into me burning a copy of it from mikes house....into me putting into my tang of nu! hehe....its quite the song...i umm....wow..i remember...brick aka whore-hey aka geor-ge aka georgie porgie aka george... was really getting on my nerves the other day. i believe it was friday. just him being late...stealing food when he had a coupon for a free meal....the way he talks to girls....like he thinks he can sucker casey into liking him via his goofy stupidity..and he wrestled with nick..literally...just like...ugh..it was just...like nails on a chalkboard watching him. *sigh*...i rarely bash on anyone...minus myself sometimes...which reminds me. i've been especially stupid as of late at mikes house....i would just say things that i think would be funny...but turning out not producing a slight grin. i caught myself doing that way too many times this weekend. i'm sorry if it was annoying....but i guess the whole speaking my mind thing kinda got outta hand for stupid things that i thought would be funny. eck...i'm so done...i miss meghan. a lot. i hope she gets that card i sent her soon........i may not remember all of my dreams...but tonight...i'll rush to sleep....to have you in my arms,in my sleeping eyes...my daydreams turn to sweet drowsy dreams ..

i love you meghan...

*~..-_-..~*off to dreamland*~..-_-..~*

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the number is lesser in value..and easier to swallow
~'would you like something to drink'
if your stomach feels weak, then my work here is done
~'the words "best friend" become redefined'
if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, i'll follow you into the dark
~'i'll follow you into the dark'
i'll be floating out at sea, waiting for periscopes to spot my warm body
~'no ace, just you'
this is the part where i'll admit i'm getting what i deserve
~'lost and found'
lets sleep tonight on a bed of nails, so that every other night doesn't seem so painful after all
~'beter than sex'
if it were up to me, you're gone, i've been dying to get it into you somehow
hours pass, and she still counts the minutes that i am not there, i swear i didn't mean for it to feel like this
wanna fuck up my life?-i'll let you.
this is the rhythm i was signing to the beat of my feat as i walked away
~'i fought the broad (and the broad won)'
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
if i could, i'd only want to make you smile
~'make you smile'
the past is only the future with the lights on
~'baby, come on'
morning always comes too quick when you're around..
~'still breathing'
i beg not to escape permeating my pores, whetting my appetite for more
~'amanda's poem about unicorns '
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
love me gently with a chainsaw
~'tie her down'
smiles and her laughter, its the only thing that ive been waiting for
so many high points on this last leg, i cant wait to recount them- it seems like nothings happened until ive shared them with you
~'shirts and gloves'
ur lips, ur eyelashes- ur skin, these are the parts of ur body that cause my comatose to begin
~'all hail the heartbreaker'

lets start out-by starting over... ~'lovers and liars'

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