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Check out http://www.tv-links.co.uk and http://peekvid.com/ ... It was unbelievable.



On the side: Here's a Wikipedia link to all the problems solved by McGyver http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_problems_solved_by_MacGyver

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Thank you Jeff Foxworthy!



1. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

2. You ever cut your grass and found a car.

3. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.

4. You think the stock market has a fence around it.

5. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.

6. Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.

7. You own a homemade fur coat.

8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.

9. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

11. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

12. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

13. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

14. Birds are attracted to your beard.

15. Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

16. You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.

17. You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

18. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.

19. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".

20. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

21. You've ever given rat traps as gifts.

22. You clean your fingernails with a stick.

23. Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

24. You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.

25. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

26. Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

27. Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.

28. You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

29. There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.

30. The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

31. There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.

32. You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

33. The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

34. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

35. You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

36. You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

37. You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

38. You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

39. Your considered an expert on wormbeds.

40. Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

41. The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.

42. You've ever bought a used cap.

43. Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.

44. You pick your teeth from a catalog.

45. You've ever financed a tattoo.

46. You've ever stolen toilet paper.

47. You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

48. People hear your car a long time before they see it.

49. The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

50. You prefer car keys to Q-tips.

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Your P***s Name Is...

Mr. Big

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are quite expressive and thoughtful. You see the world in a way that others are blind to. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself. Your near future is likely to be filled with great successes and accomplishments. You just need to figure out how to get there. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

You Follow Your Head

You're rational, collected, and logical. Generally, it takes you quite a while to fall in love. In fact, you've even been accused of being very picky. While you're cool, you're not ice cold. You just know what you want, and don't mind waiting to get it.

Your Deadly Sins

Greed: 40% Sloth: 40% Lust: 20% Envy: 0% Gluttony: 0% Pride: 0% Wrath: 0% Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14% You will die love and feared by many. And you'll be buried in a tomb.

You Belong in New Zealand

Good on ya, mate You're the best looking one of the bunch Though you're often forgotten... You're quite proud of who you are

I GUESS IT IS NOT AS PERFECT

You Are a Rainbow

Breathtaking and rare You are totally enchanting and intriguing But you usually don't stick around long! You are best known for: your beauty Your dominant state: seducing

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Doctor D had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring vice that said:



"D, dont worry bout it. You aren't the first doctor to have sex with his patient, and you wont be the last...and your single to...let it go!"



but invaruably the other voice would bring him back to reality.



"D, you're a vet....."

---

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:



A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.



Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:



To: My loving wife



Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006



I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.



P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

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After reading about the belgian joke, I decided to look around and find the complete the complete archive of Conan's jokes on other countries.. Voila



Afghanistan

The bad news is, there's a new article about everyone farming opium.

The good news is, you can't read.



Albania

The perfect getaway for people who love Kosovo, but hate the working phone
service.



Algeria

It took you eight years to beat France.



Andorra

How does it feel, being Luxembourg's bitch?



Angola

Hey, call me when your life expectancy catches up with your inflation rate.



Azerbaijan

Believe it or not, you can use oil for more than just killing seals.



The Bahamas

It takes a lot of rum to forget your major export is crawfish.



Bahrain

A thriving centre of trade and culture... until 2000 BC!



Bangladesh

If you can hear this, your television isn't underwater. Congratulations!



Barbados

There simply isn't a more beautiful island... to sail by on your way to Jamaica.



Belarus

Clay, sand, and chalk: Your richest natural resources are what a toddler throws up after a big day at preschool.



Belgium

The only European country to never successfully invade Belgium.



Belize

Get your camera; they're paving a road!



Benin

Keep practicing those voodoo spells and maybe someday you'll be as rich as Rwanda.



Bhutan

So they took away your freedom of the press? Who needs it when your only headline is "Bhutan Continues to Suck?"



Bolivia

Remember kids, you must be at least nine years old to overthrow the goverment.



Bosnia & Herzegovina

Nothing spells a bright future like signing your peace accord in Dayton, Ohio.



Botswana

Diamonds are forever; too bad your people check out at 35.



Brazil

Home to more than 800 species of unregulated breast implants.



Brunei

If there was ever an argument for the death penalty, it's chicken smuggling.



Bulgaria

So what if you misplaced a little weapons-grade uranium? The important thing is keeping track of all those hand-made doileys and goat hair rugs.



Burkina Faso

In the traditional tribal language, that's Burkina for "land of" and Faso for "people who want to get the hell out of Burkina Faso."



Burma

The bad news is, you've got rampant malaria. The good news is, it doesn't stop the kids from making those shirts.



Burundi

All that coffee in a country with no reason to wake up.



Cambodia

How many temples does it take before you guys realize God isn't listening?



Cameroon

Not to be mistaken with the macaroon, a small, chewy cookie... with a longer life expectancy!



Canada

With massive overpopulation threatening the globe, Canadians maintain a population of less than 35 million. How do they do it? Zero sex appeal!



Cape Verde

Millions visit your island nation... to refuel their planes!



Central African Republic

So bad, the gorillas learn sign language for "Poach me."



Chad

Good news: Ustad Ali Khan is headlining the Locust Plague Festival.



Chile

The good news is, it's finally legal to get a divorce. The bad news is, who gets the active volcano and who gets the 55,000 square miles of lifeless desert?



China

If you're gonna be in prison, it might as well be for no reason.



Colombia

You'll come for the enticing beauty of the Caribbean Sea. You'll stay because you've been kidnapped and locked in the trunk of a Dodge Dart.



Comoros

On a list of the world's purchasing power, you're ranked 222. Did I mention there are only 190 countries?



Democratic Republic of Congo

Where even a poor boy with no prospects can grow up to be run over by a presidential motorcade.



Republic of Congo

Without you, who would the elephants trample?



Costa Rica

Thanks for giving us a place to dump our potheads.



Cote D'Ivoire

Cocoa, sugar, and mass killings. Are you a country or a Willy Wonka nightmare?



Croatia

Congratulations on your candidacy for the European Union. Imagine, if that comes through, it could employ two, maybe three people.



Cuba

Where "high-tech" means you've got a radio on your homemade raft.



Cyprus

Where the Mediterranean climate makes it a joy to spend each day mining asbestos.



Czech Republic

The country that explains why Kafka never wrote a happy story.



Denmark

Too bad you can't build a warm, sunny day out of Legos.



Djibouti

Imagine how great life would be if you had the rich natural resources of Ethiopia.



Dominica

Where the national catchphrase is "I'm sorry, officer, I didn't mean to interrupt your armed robbery."



Dominican Republic

The perfect place for anyone who's ever asked themself "Where'd my car go?"



East Timor

It takes a lot to admit you live on the bad side of Timor.



Ecuador

Street crime is on the rise, so keep your ransom note in an inside pocket.



Egypt

Where priceless ancient statues and mummies are so close, you can fly to London and see them at the British Museum.



El Salvador

Where no resumé is complete without the phrase "Supervised six-person death squad."



Equatorial Guinea

Congratulations, you just discovered vast oil reserves... I mean, we just discovered vast oil reserves. *evil laugh*



Eritrea

You only have one TV station, but cheer up - it's got locust reports on the eights!



Estonia

Home of the European flying squirrel, the only Estonian mammal that's not an alcoholic.



Ethiopia

I can't do this one, let's move on.



Fiji

If you're visiting Fiji, you have to go snorkeling, 'cause it's the best way to flee cannibals.



Finland

We're so dumb, we can't wait to be insulted to send a meaningless postcard with a tire on the front.



You've had over 5,000 years of culture, and the world's most famous Finn is still Huckleberry.



France

You gave us the term "deja vu," as in "Wow, I have this weird feeling you've been obnoxious and arrogant before. Deja vu!"



(Wait a miniute, this is France, so I think I can't do just one.)



France

Rimbaud, Baudelaire, Gauguin, Manet: You're number one when it comes to great minds that died of syphillis.



Gabon

You have to question a country that grants five terms to a man called "President Bongo."



The Gambia

The only nation brave enough to say "Let those offshore oil reserves wait. We've got a good thing going with these peanuts and palm kernels."



Georgia

Where Europe meets Asia and says "Hey, why don't we both dump our crap here?"



Germany

The great 20th-century power that said, "Ditch Einstein, get Hasselhoff."



Ghana

The 'h' is silent, like a room full of people after you ask "What's worthwhile about Ghana?"



Greece

Big news: Historians now think the first marathon took place in August 490 BC, not September. That means nothing good has come out of Greece for a month longer than previously believed.



Grenada

When you're at the end of a grueling fifteen-hour day peeling the husks off nutmeg, remember this: without you, the world would have to sprinkle its eggnog with cinnamon.



Guatemala

Where the Mayans invented the zero, as in "What are the chances this shirt was made by someone over the age of eight? Zero!"



Guinea

Even guinea pigs have the good sense to claim they're actually from Peru.



Guinea-Bissau

The only book that mentions it is The Audubon Guide to Locusts.



Guyana

The Eskimos have sixty words for "snow." The Guyanans have eighty words for "dysentery."



Haiti

You just celebrated two hundred years of independence. Congratulations. Now make a wish and blow out your burning pile of tires.



Hungary

Sure, your next-door neighbour Austria was home to Mozart, Beethoven, Strauss, Schubert, and Freud, but don't forget, you make pretty good stuffed cabbage.



Iceland

I'm amazed you don't have a military. How do you protect your 85,000 square miles of uninhabitable land?



India

A nation so richly diverse, you can walk into a single neighborhood and find cholera, dengue fever, malaria, typhoid, and plague.



Indonesia

This year marks the fiftieth anniversary of your first democratic election, in which apparently, everyone voted to never have another democratic election.



Iran

Just two more years 'til you have a nuclear warhead, and two years and a day 'til you use it on a woman holding a beer.



Ireland

You know, there's a wonderful old Irish legend that goes something like this: Once upon a time, many years ago, there was an Irishman who could hold down a job.



Israel

Hey, remember when life in Israel was vibrant and carefree? Man, that was the day.



Italy

The newspapers are reporting a miracle. Apparently, a statue of Mary moved her hand and said, "I just worked harder than 80% of your workforce."



Jamaica

Of course you've got an astronomical murder rate. You've had "No Woman No Cry" on repeat for 25 years.



Japan

Last century, you brutally defeated China and Russia. This century, you make Hello Kitty toasters.



Jordan

Thanks to your country's progress in human rights, now your citizens can choose which hand you cut off.



Kenya

It's a beautiful place to grow old, assuming you're one of the 2.3% of Kenyans who live to 65.



South Korea

Your biggest natural resource is coal, which gives dog a nice, smokey flavour.



Kuwait

We saved your ass from Saddam. Now make with the oil, bitch.



Kyrgystan

If your country could afford vowels, you could spell "this place sucks."



Laos

You'll come for the early Asian ruins. You'll stay 'cause you've been stricken with avian bird flu.



Latvia

Your leading industries are textiles, heavy machinery production, and trading your daughters for second-hand American blue jeans.



Liberia

Are you bummed out 'cause your country has only 120 miles of paved road? Well, cheer up! Your 41-year life expectancy should give you plenty of time to see all of it.



Luxembourg

Come visit our country, but make sure you also have an afternoon activity.



Malawi

Just like Florida, except without the electricity, phones, drinkable water, or protection from roaming death squads.



Malaysia

Where the police cane you first, then ask for a bribe.



Maldives

You'll come for the tropical climate. You'll stay 'cause you've been eaten by tiger sharks.



Mali

What's that noise? People arguing in tribal languages over the last pile of ground nuts!



Malta

Brimming with culture, history, and mustachioed Sicilian hookers.



Marshall Islands

To write a joke about your country, we Googled it. No results were found.



Mexico

Look, there's an honest policeman! No, wait, they got him.



Monaco

Where Eurotrash goes to gamble away their facelift money.



Mongolia

Where Chinese freedom meets Siberian comfort.



Mozambique

The good news is, you only have the fourteenth highest death rate in the world.

The bad news is, you border numbers one, three, four, and seven.



Myanmar

Remember when your government was almost toppled by a pair of cigarette-smoking twelve-year-old twins who you thought were immortal? Man, you sure have come a long way since 2001.



Nepal

Home to eight of the world's highest peaks; nine if you count your unemployment rate.



The Netherlands

Congratulations, you've turned 500 years of culture into a pot joke.



New Caledonia

Still a world leader in beach erosion.



Nicaragua

Come learn about the heritage of your nanny.



Nigeria

Where children come first... in the draft.



Norway

Sweden has Ikea, Finland has Nokia... Hey Norway, what do you have? Nothing-kia!



Oman

As in "Oh man, I can't believe you cut my hand off for stealing an orange!"



Pakistan

Guess what? You're not worth jack-istan!



Palau

How do you enter Palau? Arrive in a national airport.
How do you leave Palau? Through a shark's colon.



Panama

Congratulations, you have the second-busiest canal after Paris Hilton.



Philippines

Mi casa es su landfill.



Poland

We'd write an insult about Poland, but they'd just send themselves the hate mail.



Romania

Come see our museum of the Middle Ages. We call it "Romania."



Russia

The perfect marriage of rampant corruption and tacky track suits.



St. Kitts and Nevis

You know, after you get through the shrinking population and the low birth rate, there's almost no one left to die during hurricane season.



Samoa

Kind of like Fiji, but without all the reasons to go there.



Saudi Arabia

You'll come for the history, you'll stay because they arrested your wife for accidentally showing her ankles.



Serbia

You tried ethnic cleansing; how about cleaning your armpits?



Sierra Leone

You fought for the British in World War I, now you're fighting for your first working toilet.



Slovakia

In 1993, Czechoslovakia was split into two seperate parts: Slovakia, and the good part.



Somalia

Plagued by decades of civil war. Come on, guys, there's plenty of rubble for everyone!



Spain

Five hundred years ago, you were a global superpower, and now you're not. Hmm, that's strange. Oh well, time for another four-hour nap!



Sweden

Your contributions to the world: crappy furniture and Stockholm Syndrome.



Syria

We haven't bombed you yet. Still, I'd hold off on any major contruction projects.



Tajikistan

Congratulations, you're where Uzbekistanis go to feel better about themselves.



Thailand

Where you can have sex with a 14-year-old prostitute, if they're willing to come out of retirement.



Trinidad & Tobago

The Siegfried & Roy of the Lesser Antilles.



Taiwan

Oh wait, you're not a real country. You're China's bitch!



Togo

You've got it all... and by "it all," I mean risk of both bacterial and protozoal diarrhea.

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