So I forgot to bring my pills with me today, and I got tired of sitting there waiting for UPS to bring the damned sample, so I decided to take an hour (or 2....) for lunch and come home.

Now I'm making some damned cornbread.

The black side rises again!

sigh.

oh well. Let's all just hope I don't slip again and bust my ass on all this ice that's covering EVERYTHING.

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So I'm here in blacksburg, just kinda sitting in my apartment. Me and my little white parakeet, that I've dubbed "the albino turkey" (her real name is Kaya).

And I'm depressed.

So I go shopping. A lot.
I bought 4 dvds and more yarn to accomodate a growing queue of scarves.
and some other stuff.

Most of it wasn't necessary, but it will all be used.

It was a nice night last night. I went out, and it was beautiful.
today, is beautiful.

I should be sad I'm not with family on the holiday.
Mom and dad are doing their own thing, and they don't really need me.

And I don't really need them.
Except for money.
Man I need money.
Man can I spend money.

I came to the conclusion that It's wrong to need anyone.
to live
love
be happy

it's ridiculous to do it
utterly.

You have to depend on yourself most
without yourself
you will be lost

Why should I be sad when I have all of this peace?

I'm so ZEN
I should right HAIKU
and walk through life in PEACE

not really.
but the thing is, if you don't have family
there's no one to disown you
tell you you're wrong
be disappointed
otherwise undermine every stupid and not stupid decision you make

so this is kind of nice

although going home for christmas will also be nice.
it's fucking dead here during the holidays.

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My life is kind of pulling together and falling apart at the same time.
I'm tired constantly, and my appetite is little.
I smoke more now than I did before
Drink less, and more.
And then I pass out for 15 hours after being awake nearly 2 days.

I like the people I meet.

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I now confuse reality with wishes.

I don't really remember much of the last month.

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For as long as I can remember, I've loved life to its fullest, even though I didn't really do much but do school.

Now I'm just like... eh. I feel like I've lived life and am tired of without really doing anything.

But I kind of feel good today, because today wasn't as hopeless.

"Workin' so hard to be somebody special not working just to survive"

Now I'm working for me. Damn. it.

I'm almost creepily attached to the 70's movie Phantom of the Paradise.

It's cool

even though it's horrendously dated.

Which is must have been frickin awesome when it was released.

If someone did a play of it, I'd be a black phoenix.

what then

bitches.

okay my bird's pickin at my ear so I have to entertain her now.

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So I'm single.

First time in a long time.

Feels pretty good.


Yum chinese.

Nose is healing well.

I was sick for 2 days.
I lost 8 pounds.

uhm.
That's about it, I think.


oh yea and.



I'm horny.

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