watching: n/a
listening to: n/a
mood: sore
__________

What kind of drunk are you?!
Party Drunk! You are the kind of person that likes to be the life of the party. You are out going and every body likes to be around you cause you are so off the wall and funny.
Take The Quiz Now!	Quizzes by myYearbook.com

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watching: n/a
listening to: Tempted by the Fruit of Another - Squeeze
mood: irritated
__________

I want to fall in love. I want my heart broken again. I want it to be broken in a more vicious manner than before.

My ability to trust: shattered.
My ability to care: shattered.
My ability to feel: shattered.
My ability to be: lost.

The words he learned from films and books. The looks he gathered from the poster boys in underwear ads. I want it all. I want the vulnerable, gullable-treatment. I want lust, blood, greed, and pain. I want everything to end up with nothing.

His cool sense of being, his James Dean-like stature, the cigarette he so boldly lets dangle from his beautifully, taut-mouth. That mouth that so many times before whispered its lies that were so easily-to-spot as tactics for betrayal into my inviting ear.

At the chapel we're to be wed. He's taken it this far, now. Here in the House of God we stand cold and far from eachother. A book holds the words we are to repeat carefully to one another and that apparently pledges our undying-love to one another. Tears flow from those in the audience that know this is a mistake. Lying to eachother we claim, "Until death do we part."

All horse shit. Smelly, dirty, lingering horse shit. The smell of your lies I can't wipe away from my life. It's permanent like feline-urine. Every time I sleep with your cold arm around my waist I can't help but think whose waist it was around the night before.

I wonder who she is.

Does she cook better than I do? I enjoyed the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches we had with tomato soup on the couch while watching the six o'clock news.
Does her cunt grip your cock better than mine? I'm not sorry that our sex life wasn't as active as it was before our jobs took over our lives.
Does she discuss art work, music, film, and books on a higher scale to your liking? Impossible. She must be the shut-up and listen type that hasn't a mind of her own.

These burlesque ideas circle my brian till I finally realize it's you. It's not me. This was all a game to you. I slither out from under your forearm that so many nights before had held me during a rainstorm. We made love while everyone else was sleeping. It was love to me. It was all part of the job for you.

I make my way to the bathroom where the His' and Hers' towels only add to my misery. Our toothbrushes lay propped in the same small cup on the sink. Knowing fully that yours will be in a ziploc bag next to your cufflinks in your suitcase. That same suitcase that my parents bought you for your first business trip after that promotion we both gleamed over. Now I realize that you probably spent that trip in a Holiday Inn with Her.

My blindness causing me to only want to choke the life out of her. This when I know damn well that you were the one that promised not to hurt me, promised to protect me. How laughable is that concept? This woman had no prior knowledge of me most likely. And all I can think of doing is ruining her life. You're the one I should be hurting. I go to the bathroom to cry after realizing my husband has been cheating on me. If I were at all smart I would go to the kitchen and grab the meat cutters.

I sleep in the guest bedroom that we had planned on painting either a pale pink or blue, together. I guess this is the time I come to my senses and thank whoever's responsible for me not carrying your child.

Lifetime network never really prepares you for this. I was a fool for your love. A bloody, goddamned, mindless-fool.

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watching: n/a
listening to: n/a
mood: itchy
__________

It could be Word War Three at my apartment tonight. Details to come tomorrow afternoon since my only internet connection is at work.

REDUX (Tuesday. 10.17.06 12:50 pm):
So, as it turns out, my boyfriend, Adam, has been acting like a total jerk since moving to Lexington. I thought that was kinda convenient that it started happening then. In a nutshell: Adam and I used to live in Winchester, he lived there his whole life. His family hates me, and his friends hate me because I'm not born and bred in small-town, Funchester, KY. They're simple-minded, cruel-hearted, judgemental people. We moved to Lexington to get away from their drama and to be closer to our jobs. He'd been talking down to me, and going to Winchester about three times a week to see his old friends and whatnot--and that's fine with me, which is quite nice considering how they'd treated me in the past. Most girlfriends would be like, "Oh, hell nah. You even associate with them anymore: we're over." I'm not that girl, if they aren't around me, I don't have a problem with them. But he had this attitude like he blamed me for them not being around anymore. Lexington and Winchester are sixteen miles apart; if they gave two shits about him: they'd visit him. But his friends don't. They despise him because he actually has someone that loves him and keeps him from playing Final Fantasy 11 and World of Warcraft for 12 hours a day. Get over it. So I confronted him about it last night, and we talked. Then he was pissed because word slipped that Lyndee (my best friend) had been talking about him to me and that what she was saying about him wasn't good. In fact, most were along the lines of, "He acts like he's too good for you, and he's far from it. You're way too good for him, and he needs to appreciate what you offer and stop walking all over you." Pretty much the jist. Jisty is quite hissy, eh?

So I told Adam, "If you miss your old life in Winchester and your friends and your family you can pack up your stuff and go if you'd like. I won't hold it against you. I can afford this apartment on my own pay, and I don't want to live with someone if I'm making them miserable and they're making me feel so guilty for doing so every chance they get."

Turns out he was just upset that Lyndee is in almost every argument. It wasn't quite like WWIII, but it hit kinda like Desert Storm... after we talked, Lyndee dropped by and they both had it out. Even my writing ability and the awesomeness of my story telling skills can't even begin to explain to you what went on... but... it wasn't pretty--and I didn't say a word throughout the whole fight between them both. I saw no need to, and I really was quite missing a tongue.

Moral: don't let your boyfriend and your best friend know eachothers dirty little secrets... it does not end well.

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watching: n/a
listening to: n/a
mood: aggitated
__________

Cire

Hairy life with
One thousand pictures
Of a tongued moment
Weak dream chain
All over stare
Arming essential gifts
Sordid rocks taste bitter
Words kiss sweet
My lips have their way
Each line of your poem is
Caressed by the gun of your killer
My gorgeous man love
Death by a vampire
Delicious blood of beauty
My feast

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watching: n/a
listening to: n/a
mood: tickled pink
__________

So, Jenny McCarthy has been discovered saying that she likes to leave her bra on while fucking her boyfriend, Jim Carrey. Reason being: she can't stand her tits and think that they are fugly. Direct quote:

"I do have a C-section scar that goes right across with the shelf that hangs over. I've got stretch marks. After childbirth, boobs hang down. I will not have sex without my bra. I can't stand it when they just slither past my arms and lay flat like pancakes... I'm insecure with the rest of them."

I am a girl with some fairly large sized knockers. 38DDs, no lie, srsly. I must say that, my boobs are quite awesome, and they don't sag. One of the perks of sleeping in my bra, and being slept with while in one as well. Eventually they will sag, even without bearing children, gravity tends to get its revenge on women as blessed as I with a gift only God could bear. Till then, I'm still going to wear a bra while Adam and I screw like rabbits--he has no complaints.

I'm sure Jim Carrey wouldn't mind Jenny's teets, I bet he even does his best impression of Fire Marshall Bill while doing her doggy style. It's just a hose.

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watching: n/a
listening to: Santana
mood: bland
__________

No one who saw The Matrix and got it confused with philosophy

No one who gives a fuck about philosophy

No one naive enough to still think of themselves as special, unique, or different

No one who uses the phrase "Party like a rock star"

People who enjoy eating vegetables and/or fruit

People who know how to spell

Grammar nazis

People willing to loyally follow me to their deaths

Bored house wives

Bored house husbands

No one over the age of thirty who still thinks piercings are cool

Other people who are really fucking sick of 80s nostalgia

No one that watches Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

No one who gives a shit about Jessica and Nick

No really hip indie kids who have crappy haircuts and live in the suburbs

No really hip indie kids who have crappy haircuts and live in the city either

People who say they saw me do such and such a thing at "So and So's" party and make me feel popular and important and cool

People that like to have sex to gangsta rap

People who have given up and are waiting to die

People who can keep a secret

People that will be my friend and still think I'm interesting even when I'm not laying on the floor of someone's house naked and covered in my own vomit

Anyone willing to tell the truth

Other people that think Bruce Campbell is nothing less than an A++++ actor

Women who use abortion as a means of birth control

No one that considers themselves an artist and just does whatever they're told to do for an "Art" class

No one that considers themselves an intellectual and only reads the newspaper

Homosexuals who feel that the television show Queer as Folk is too gay

People that consider Sociology as more of an art form than a field of study

Guys that think I'm really hot

Guys willing to have pointless and really bad sex with me just to temporarily alleviate loneliness

People willing to fall completely and utterly in love with someone, get married, and throw their lives away on a whim, just to move to another country and become ex-patriots together

Smugglers with wookie co-pilots

Gay men that aren't wimps

People who don't view politics and world events in black and white

Really old people

Rebel boys in need of discipline

People who cry and masturbate at the same time

Anyone who's making an actual effort to get better

People that just can't seem to forgive themselves no matter how hard they try

Someone with a working heart

Someone with a broken heart that cannot be fixed

Someone I haven't offended (so I can fix it)

Someone that can explain why this happened to me

People that consider themselves drunks but not alcoholics

Lawyers that tell the truth

People that still laugh at fart jokes

People that have a trendy tattoo that they regret getting, I want to call them an idiot

People that think they're actually good looking because everyone online says they are, yet they've never dated anyone remotely attractive in real life or dated anyone at all

Someone using fake pictures on the internet

Someone that uses internet lingo (IE: asl, gtg, brb, omg) and still thinks of themselves as normal

Raver chicks that habitually dye their hair and are forming a bald spot

Emo kids that think they're actually being different by cloning the style and state of mind of every mildy depressed teenager in mid-west America

Anyone that jerks it to Hentai

Anyone still reading this

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