watching: n/a
listening to: Santana
mood: bland
__________

No one who saw The Matrix and got it confused with philosophy

No one who gives a fuck about philosophy

No one naive enough to still think of themselves as special, unique, or different

No one who uses the phrase "Party like a rock star"

People who enjoy eating vegetables and/or fruit

People who know how to spell

Grammar nazis

People willing to loyally follow me to their deaths

Bored house wives

Bored house husbands

No one over the age of thirty who still thinks piercings are cool

Other people who are really fucking sick of 80s nostalgia

No one that watches Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

No one who gives a shit about Jessica and Nick

No really hip indie kids who have crappy haircuts and live in the suburbs

No really hip indie kids who have crappy haircuts and live in the city either

People who say they saw me do such and such a thing at "So and So's" party and make me feel popular and important and cool

People that like to have sex to gangsta rap

People who have given up and are waiting to die

People who can keep a secret

People that will be my friend and still think I'm interesting even when I'm not laying on the floor of someone's house naked and covered in my own vomit

Anyone willing to tell the truth

Other people that think Bruce Campbell is nothing less than an A++++ actor

Women who use abortion as a means of birth control

No one that considers themselves an artist and just does whatever they're told to do for an "Art" class

No one that considers themselves an intellectual and only reads the newspaper

Homosexuals who feel that the television show Queer as Folk is too gay

People that consider Sociology as more of an art form than a field of study

Guys that think I'm really hot

Guys willing to have pointless and really bad sex with me just to temporarily alleviate loneliness

People willing to fall completely and utterly in love with someone, get married, and throw their lives away on a whim, just to move to another country and become ex-patriots together

Smugglers with wookie co-pilots

Gay men that aren't wimps

People who don't view politics and world events in black and white

Really old people

Rebel boys in need of discipline

People who cry and masturbate at the same time

Anyone who's making an actual effort to get better

People that just can't seem to forgive themselves no matter how hard they try

Someone with a working heart

Someone with a broken heart that cannot be fixed

Someone I haven't offended (so I can fix it)

Someone that can explain why this happened to me

People that consider themselves drunks but not alcoholics

Lawyers that tell the truth

People that still laugh at fart jokes

People that have a trendy tattoo that they regret getting, I want to call them an idiot

People that think they're actually good looking because everyone online says they are, yet they've never dated anyone remotely attractive in real life or dated anyone at all

Someone using fake pictures on the internet

Someone that uses internet lingo (IE: asl, gtg, brb, omg) and still thinks of themselves as normal

Raver chicks that habitually dye their hair and are forming a bald spot

Emo kids that think they're actually being different by cloning the style and state of mind of every mildy depressed teenager in mid-west America

Anyone that jerks it to Hentai

Anyone still reading this

Comment! (3) | Recommend! | Rate! | Categories: humor [t], truth [t]

watching: n/a
listening to: n/a
mood: tickled pink
__________

So, Jenny McCarthy has been discovered saying that she likes to leave her bra on while fucking her boyfriend, Jim Carrey. Reason being: she can't stand her tits and think that they are fugly. Direct quote:

"I do have a C-section scar that goes right across with the shelf that hangs over. I've got stretch marks. After childbirth, boobs hang down. I will not have sex without my bra. I can't stand it when they just slither past my arms and lay flat like pancakes... I'm insecure with the rest of them."

I am a girl with some fairly large sized knockers. 38DDs, no lie, srsly. I must say that, my boobs are quite awesome, and they don't sag. One of the perks of sleeping in my bra, and being slept with while in one as well. Eventually they will sag, even without bearing children, gravity tends to get its revenge on women as blessed as I with a gift only God could bear. Till then, I'm still going to wear a bra while Adam and I screw like rabbits--he has no complaints.

I'm sure Jim Carrey wouldn't mind Jenny's teets, I bet he even does his best impression of Fire Marshall Bill while doing her doggy style. It's just a hose.

Comment! (0) | Recommend! | Rate! | Categories: humor [t], news [t]

watching: n/a
listening to: n/a
mood: sickly
__________

What's that new module to the left and why's it keep sending me to this badass website that kicks myspace's butt?

That'd be a question that you're all asking yourself right now. It's cool, whatever. I like when I start new trends so if you want to join please do it with the following link because it states that I referred you and it earns me more hip-cool kid-points.

http://www.consumating.com/profiles/UniqueCliche/invite?v=1166625775_9acf0174617f346e2145ce0ff75c2

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watching: n/a
listening to: n/a
mood: lonely
__________

So I took a few photos of myself on Thursday while I was at work by myself. It seems only right to use them now that I remembered I have them while I'm once again at work by myself.

I'm not quite sure what this face is right here. I make this face often in conversation... but I was alone... and I don't recall talking to myself.


So this is why I get carded every time I try to buy cigarettes...


I feel like Billy Joel's wife in a convertible, chasing Chevy Chase while he's on a family vacation... except not as pretty.

Comment! (2) | Recommend! | Rate! | Categories: humor [t]