austin and i are over. i think. i'm not sure. we haven't done anything -fun- in like 4 days, and we haven't really talked to each other. i yelled at him this morning, for doing nothing really. i felt kind of bad about that. i said sorry, and i still feel hella bad, but what are you going to do? if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. he's still smiling at me though, which is nice.

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tonight was nice. austin came out, we were in his car for, i don't know, 25 minutes. wayyyy past my break time, patty and ryan were kind of pissed, but i promised thats not happening anymore. so they chilled, and i din't get written up. sweeet. austin and i just made out, like hard core. he was fingering me and he had really cold hands, that wasn't too pleasent.... erotic, but not what i like most. austin's the first guy i've ever known to use his teeth.... ALL THE TIME. he bites(playfully) everywhere, the first time it was kind of shocking, but i'm used to it now. he still messes up my hair, which i hate, but thats what gets us started(making out and all) so i guess it's okay. i gave him head tonight, afterall, what guy actually enjoys a handjob? handjobs suck. i hate giving handjobs, it jst doesnt cut it for me. i smell like austin all over. and while ryans getting all pissed off, liana's telling me he likes me. WTF. i'm sad, i think ryans mad at me. which i hate. but oh well, i'll make it up to him. this weekend i'm hangin gotu with my misisco, and we're going to go out and play the banjo, if you know what i meannnn. yah. spencer, kevi, ross, austin ,jacob, lance and a bunch of other guys are all going out with us. i love how everytime i go out and get stoned, i'm with a shitload of guys. its sweet though. i really want to see i heart huckabees, and thegrudge, i think i might get austin to take me. ;-) i know he hasn't seen either. he doesnt work on satruday either which rocks because i dont. and yeah. i might be having my dfoubts about austin... but i dont know. ugh. i feel like i'm using him for sex/action/whastever. and isnt it supposed to be the other way around? i mean, i like him, i'm just not sure how much. i was upset when he didn't call me back tonight after a half hour or so, but got better when he showed up instead. i think i'm safe to say, i won't be heartbroken if austin and i stop seeing each other. like i was with zach. but hey, c'est la vie. austins way better looking than zach too. i should definately post a pictuee of his goodlooking-ness, a guy that hot shouldnt even consider dating someone like me. i told danie that we "decided not to have a relationship" and she's all... you decided this too?! who WOIULDnt want to date him and have sex with him and blah blah bha. and i'm like, well... i am, i'm just not telling you about the details.

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austin couldnt give me a ride today. and he couldnt visit me today. i hate it when that happens. sigh. i don't work saturday or sunday, and i have no rides out to banana republic or the valley. this weekend might be hard for me to deal with. i'll be suffering from my austin withdrawls. ohhh man, being hooked on a boy is sooooooo bad for me.a ustin and i have just decided out relationshop status. this is all a big secret, but we'll do stuff on the side, which is nice. not worrying about otehr technical stuff.

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oh man. austin visited me again tonight. he came at exactly 7oclock. haha, like he said he would. so we get in his car, talk for like 2 minutes. started making out. again, he kissed me first. which i love. instead of 10 minutes like yestrerday, i took a good 25 mins, mostly because i lost track of time. ryan was like jaaaaamie. well, i told him i had to go at 20 mins, but we kind of just sat there kissing, and holding each other. oh yeah. austin gave me a hickey. well, two. one kind of big one, and a really small one. ryan and liana noticed it right away. i'm like oh shiiiit. but liana told me how to make it go away, and ryan helped me make it go away because i was havig troubles.

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this morning, austin decided he was going to ditch school. what the hell. but we texted back and forth all day, just talking and such. he couldn't give me a ride to work, which i was kind of bummed about, but he asked me my hours so he could come in a say hi. "hi" i told him to come after 630, because that would be best for me, since it's not so busy then. i got all of my shit done super early, then he came around 7 or so, and i took my break. we chilled in his car, sat there for like 2 minutes, then started screwing around again, laughing and tickling each other. which was cute. then we were holding each other for a couple minutes, which was nice, and he kissed me. then we started making out. all guys make out exactly the same. it's just straightout making out for the first couple minutes or so, then it's the grabbing of the butt, and holding of the breasts. then it's into the pants we go. but austin and i didn't get that far, i had to get back to my work. i was only granted a 15 minute break, and by then it was way past my 15 minutes. tomorrow, he's working and i'm working, so he can't give me a ride, or hang out with me on my break. oh well . but thursday will be sweet. we get out hella early, and i start at 4, and he has no work. mhmm. i want to know how this will turn out.

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school went by hella slow, then i went to work. austin drove me out. we dropped jacob off at billy's, then he dropped me off at safeway. he left, then came back after like, 5 mins, asking if i wanted to hang out. which i hella did. so we chilled in his car behid safeway. which was nice. we started talking, then flirting, then screwing around. nothing sexual. this time. but i think i really like him. which is better compared to ryan. sice ryan is 24, and transferring. but i worked with ryan all night, which was sweet. he took friday for me, i was so happy. and he was asking if i went out to pg, he went to the park to see if i was there. like i said i mght be. i was like, wow, if i werent so into austin right now, i'd be melting. but anyway. today was a great day.

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