STATUS: ....sickly......errrr..... I don't feeeel wellll. And what really irks me is that I have no idea how I got sick. This is the absolute worst time to get ill, because of the weather and everyhting is due but of course i geto struck with this. I jsut want to feel good again or at least semi-normal so I can complain about unrelated health issues. ok ok ok maybe I'll wrte more in a little while.....maybe not? ~NO SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM!!!~

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STATUS: uncertain tsk tsk tsk...... I have not been productive all weekend long...oh well. It's a new week and time for a new attitude! I was watching a chow earlier and it made me cry, I don't really need to say what show but just that all the hate and conflict that occurred is just so much to contain within one's self. And the saddest of all that broke me down was the fact that even today it is possible for horrible situations to happen and that we have no control over them. But it's not the part that we have no contrl that frightens me it's the fact that we as people have made no attempt to gain control. that's enough for now........ ~the sky is falling! or are we just growing up?~

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Friday, May 16, 2003 STATUS: um.. like ....yeah Anyways, I have like nothing to do. So maybe it will be a good time to do a self-inventory or makeover. I think that would be a very good thing. Yes, that sounds even more like a plan. ....(wandering off aimlessly)......i can do this....... Saturday,May 17, 2003 STATUS: proud Ya know, I am really proud of my brother and happy for his accomplishments. I just got the news that he won another first place in wrestling, making him a triple crown, in three different types of wrestling and a top contender when he goes to regionals to compete against other states. I'm proud to be his sister. But now, on to me, I've been consuming a large amount of chocolate today and am now just a tad bit over-excited......... I will be back..... STATUS: pensive hmmm....late night....and I'm wallowing in self-pity....I think it's the chocolate..... Anyways, I guess that I'm a little bitter and it's my own fault so I have no one else to blame. I had expectations (which was my first mistake) about a certain someone and well of course they didn't come through on them although I guess I didn't really express my expectations to this person. My own mistake once again. However, I do not think that all is lost. I still have some hope and a tiny bit of optimism left in me. Now, I know that I'm complaining and being whiny but at least you don't HAVE to hear this and pretend to listen, you can just skip until I get out of this mode. And for some reason I'm really into Alanis Morrisette right now, I guess it just really illustrates my mood right now. So, your surroundings really do have an impact on your mentality. But I do think that I was already in this mood before I started in on the whole I hate the world, and guys especially, before the whole submersion of "guys are idiots" lyrics. Oh well this mood should be passing...... If you give selflessly is it wrong to be disappointed if you receive nothing? ~I see said the blind man to his deaf daughter who held out her wooden arm to feel the rain~ (heeheehheeh) ~i can see through you, and inside your ugly~

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STATUS: can i do it? Sooooo...... let me see what is going on today. Not much, yo. I mean just the usual stuff with the regular peeps, who are quite interesting in fact. But there was no earth-shattering news, no exposed secrets or anything super-special. I suppose the fact that nothing like that has happened is a little comforting but I need variety. It's time to put a little spice in the mix. ~I say it again/ the way you walk and I know the way you can/ the way you're telling me you're not a dangerous man /I said it again I'll say again /I'm not that kind of woman ~

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STATUS: how bizarre I have no idea what the heck I am doing. I don't have the foggiest idea whether I'm coming or going and what's happening. Oh well I'm living and that's what matters. Well today in while in discussion with my peoples well i like to think they're my peoples, the question came up about what trait do you look for first in the opposite sex and this has been kinda on my mind since then. Well automatically I look at the eyes, but see it's not ALL about the color, although color is nice and can be used very well. It's just I really do believe that you can tell a lot about a person through their eyes, it's kinda like that saying about them being the door to one's soul. But you can't restrict yourself when it comes to people bc you never know what will happen. An other reason that eyes are so crucial to me is that I am a big fan of eye contact. It's all about the eye contact, I mean even when you're just talking to someone doesn't eye contactjust heighten the conversation? I mean, I've been told many a times that I exclude surrounding people from conversations due to keeping eye contact with the person that I am answering. And that is really not my intent, it's just keeping eye contact truly expresses what you're thinking. On the flipside though, I often give a bad glance to some people without really meaning to. oh, oh .... side note: goatees are way attractive on some guys, not all but yeah.....oh and sideburns at times.....hmmm............... anyways over that, onto different shtuff, I know that ayone reading this that truly knows me will be laughing after they read what I'm about to write. I'm thinking about getting a summer job, yes, and hoepfully it will invvolve children so I can further my experience in dealing with them. I'm looking into the whole camp thing, and I know that really cracks y'all up, but hey, at one time I was pretty active, I mean I've been known to be a little (ok a lot) determined but this I think would be much fun. Hopefully I will report with good news about this new venture. ta-ta "Your eyes lit with fire devour me from heel to head, eyes lingering..."

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STATUS: bored outta my head Hmmm......so yes I have registered for next fall's classes and I do declare that it shall be a good one. I've got geology to kick rocks in, western civ to learn my manners, and poli sci to be politically correct in. No, I really don't think any of those things have anything to do with those classes but hey if they did it might be a different take on things, no? Anyways, the weather sure is heating up and I d believe I am now wilted, me being the flower that I am, lol. But really I do not enjoy th heat because the heat stays within you and you can never really extinguish it once it's begun. Oh well, I guess there are some (but very little) advantages to the warm weather, but i'm still looking for them. I'm more of a fall person but maybe I'm a little biased. So long for now until I get another not so bright though in my head. ~Is it LOVE or ILLUSION? You picked ILLUSION.~

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