I guess when it comes to on line, it's not that I necessarily think that people are just outright lying about themselves. It seems that people tend to talk about the things that they want other people to see in them and ultimately it's what they truly want to see in themselves. So, they tend to talk about all the positive aspects that they have to offer and simply overlook the negative ones. Not because they do it intentionally, but because it's things that they just don't see. They may talk about how caring they can be and totally forget to mention that they will go apeshit if you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle instead of rolling it up from the bottom. They might tell you that they are pretty organized in thier lives, but fail to go as far as saying that they are so neat that every single can in the cupboard has to have the labels facing forward and are aligned nice and perfect or they are going to have a major meltdown over it. So, these are the things that I tend to look for in people before I'm willing to take that step into the so called "greener pastures" on the other side. I think it's pretty safe to say that everyone is caring, loving, giving and looking for forever. I also think it's very unanimous that everyone wants to be that rock, that security in the night, or that safety that another person can come running to when the storms in thier lives get too great to handle alone. As a general thought, I think we all want to be those things to someone. But, the realities of life show that not everyone can be those things and only simply give the illusion of that to who they meet. So, in meeting people, I look for the simpler answers. The ones that are going to make a difference in day to day living that people don't seem to ask when they are getting to know one another. When other people are asking "what do you do for fun?", "what are your dreams?", "what do you look for in a person?", I'm thinking that answers are pretty much that same across the board. We look for someone to love that is going to love us back. We look for someone that is going to be faithful, considerate, understanding and honest. We do the things that make us happy and want to share those things with a partner that can appreciate who we are as much as we appreciate them. It's pretty universal that we all long for the same things. So, I need to know the simple things. What pet peeves do you have? Are you going to freak out because the toilet paper is rolling off the bottom instead of the top? Are you someone that gets mad if you ask me to do something and I don't jump up and do it the very second you tell me too? Are you clingy? Are you someone that wants to sleep on the couch instead of coming to bed when you are angry? Are you someone that will jump in the car and drive off for hours on end because something didn't go your way? Are you a jealous person that is going to get upset if someone comes up and gives a flirtatious compliment to me? Is it going to bother you if I go out with "the girls" at night even though you didn't want to go and had hoped that I would stay home with you instead? Are you someone that claims to be sexual and loving who down the road will get bored and not feel like having sex anymore because you have gotten so comfortable in the relationship that you don't think it's necessary? How often do you think sex should happen in a healthy relationship? I can go on and on and on with the questions. I'm not looking for the worldly answers of wonderful nights of walking in the sunrise and glorious evenings of dancing til dawn. I want to know what happens in the morning when you haven't had enough sleep and you have to go to work and the pipe in the kitchen just bursted spilling water all over the kitchen floor. Are you going to get moody at me and start using me as a punching bag for your bad day? These are the things, to me, that make or break a relationship. You can love someone with everything you have, but I have learned a long time ago that love isn't enough if you are the type of person that will just throw your hands up in the air and want to leave everytime things get a little tough in life and it's not lined up perfectly down the road to forever.
So, when I say that I am simple in my life, I truly am. I'm not looking for the expensive dinners in beautiful resteraunts when a burger and fries sounds just fine to me. I'm not looking for fancy cars and tons of money that make me "appear" better than I am to the neighbors and rest of the world. I just want to be able to pay my bills, live my life and have some money left over to put in the bank to retire on. And, yes, I would like someone to share that with. Someone that isn't going to have my checkbook crawling miserably on the floor looking for a hiding place. Someone that will give to me as much as I give to them..financially, emotionally, mentally and willingly without spats and arguments that wind up in "you do this and I do that". I just want a life. A good life. One that I can't wait to tell my friends about. One that has pictures all over the walls of a life well spent that had nothing to do with day after day sitting in front of the tv and knowing the tv guide by heart.

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I got a text message from MS today. Can�t remember the last time she contacted me. When we met, she called me practically everyday venting, complaining and expressing every aspect of her life especially all the minutes that she has been alcohol free with run downs of all the meetings and worldly feelings that she is suddenly having. We were on the phone for hours at a time and I thought we were going to have a great friendship.

Then one day, she said she was going home to Indiana to visit her family. Not sure what happened during that week she was there, but when she got back home to San Diego, the phone calls stopped, the emails, the text messages, everything. And we haven�t really talked since.

I didn�t spend any real time trying to keep in contact with her. It�s the internet. That�s just how things are. When you meet people on the internet, it always starts with a flair and then slowly drops off to nothing eventually. I never really knew why, but I just accepted it as that and just talk to people when we meet and let them go when they find a new avenue to follow. No bullshit. No crap. No hard feelings. Just a hope that they are living and doing well. So, that�s what I did with MS as well. I didn�t expect to hear from her again. But, after a couple of months of silence, she calls me up and says she wants to come to Vegas and see me. All I could think was �why?�. Maybe it was the computer that I told her I would give her, but changed my mind when we stopped talking. Maybe it was the outrigger canoe that I told her I would build for her, but have now been building it for myself since then. I have no clue. That was two weeks ago that she called and said that, and then everything dropped off again to silence. Until today, when I got the text message from her. It said, �thinking of you. MS�.

I sent her an email that said I had plans that weekend and will be with my family Memorial weekend, but she never responded to it. So, I don�t know if she has read it yet or even checked her email to know that I won�t be here if she comes. Just weird, I guess. After all the time not talking with no answers to why, I wonder why she is contacting me now.

It�s the internet, what can I say? Not that I don�t want her around or anything. She was actually a lot of fun to talk to and stay in touch with. I just wish I knew why.

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Two Way Street
By Franki D.

I�ll always be here for you
If that�s how it should be.
Ready for all that�s out there
That could come to you and me.

I will hear all your trouble�s
And pray that you are well,
And rejoice in your triumphs
And all great news to tell.

Our friendship I�ll hang on to
Like it�s everything and more,
Never letting go of it
Cause that�s what friends are for.

But, I too, will let you go
If that is what you say,
Like the tides of the ocean,
I will quietly slip away.

I won�t hang on to something
That will not hang on to me,
Cause the roads are paved on both sides
And this life�s a two way street.

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ALICIA KEYES LYRICS



"No One"

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there ain't no one

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

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Unspoken
By Franki D

When you never hear the echoes
Or the whispers in the day,
Then all that�s left is sadness
From a life that didn�t stay.

For we long for the unspoken,
Words we are longing to hear,
That give the soul some comfort
And the answers far and near.

It�s the words that never surface
That can change a woman�s path,
When all we really wanted
Is to hear those words at last.

We will not hear the unspoken
For there�s nothing left to say,
Cause time was of the essence
And that time has slipped away.

Things that should�ve been said
In moments of here and now
Just passed right by in silence
And quietly took it�s bow.

We now will never find here
The moments that drifted by
The words that went unspoken
Have now laid down to die.

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Unworthy Friends
by Franki Deejai


You make your choices careless,
Not ever thinking it through.
You say things that mean nothing,
Cause tomorrow they won't be true.

Your words, they have little value
When you don't mean the things you say.
It's called, "flying off the handle",
For the choices that never stay.

You wonder why you're surrounded
By people that never will mend,
And why do these people fall short
Of being a meaningful friend.

It's because they never were friends,
But you've chosen to let them stay,
Filling your life full of bullshit
Cause you're afraid to just walk away.

You see, friends are like a mirror,
A reflection cast upon you.
If your friends are full of bullshit,
Then people will think you are too.

So, good friends are hard to come by
And they are seldom ever found,
Not because you're not a good friend,
But because of who you're around.

You are an amazing person,
So, why does it go this far?
Let go of unworthy friends,
So, people can see who you are.

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I Cried In The Darkness
By Franki D.

I cried in the darkness.
I trembled in the rain.
I felt my heart breaking
And shatter from the pain.

Looked upon the distance.
I looked out to the sky.
Felt an empty feeling
In the wind whipping by.

Land went on forever
Across the deep dark earth,
Stretching out and onward
With nothing left of worth.

Two steps to a doorway
That leads nowhere at all.
Two steps to a silence
Where no one hears you call.

Cause hurt will go unnoticed
And pain is not set free.
It lingers in the heart
Where no one else can see.

Simple logic really
To those of us who know,
That we cry in the darkness
Cause there�s no where else to go.

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The Lonely
By Franki D.

Breathe in the gift of silence
As we stand her you and me.
Two people wanting something
That can set tomorrow free.
Look deep within these eyes
And don�t ever look away.
The things tomorrow brings us
You will find right here today.
Just lay your head upon me
As you hear this heart within,
And feel it�s every desire
Where my love does so begin.
Caress it�s very existence.
Hear what it has to say,
Cause the lonely do go crying
At the end of a lonely day.
Just lean into its mercy
And seal it with a kiss,
For all the things that happen
Are things we will surely miss.
Just wrap your arms around me
And, yes, I will do the same.
There�s no one left to look to.
There�s no one left to blame.
Lay down and curl up with me
As we hold each other tight
While the clock moves on so slowly
Throughout the endless night.
It�s here we�ll find the magic
Of the yearning�s with no end.
It�s here that we will find us
When the lonely needs a friend.

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