I am considering going back to study to get a decent job.
I have never been to university.
It's either that or try for an apprenticeship and live off barely any money for 3-4 years.

When I was younger I really wanted to get an Environmental Science degree, however as I've grown older and my interests have changed. I've decided that it might not be for me... Maybe, Nursing would suit my personality. Yes, I am considering it. It will be a lot of damn hard work and long hours if I do it. I am a bit worried about how I would go trying to get back into my study routine. Even though I was a good student, it's been a while.

This idea got into my head, when I went to the doctors a few months ago and I was served by a very nice nurse....I thought to myself, "hey, I could do that too!".

At the moment, there are a few bumps in the road for me to do it. Money is the biggest issue and how Dan and I will live if I am go to off to study.
I don't feel like I am getting anywhere, week after week just applying for jobs...and it's been 3 months since I moved here.
I don't feel like I am really going anywhere even though I know in myself that I have changed and grown a lot by moving to a city from a country town.

xx.

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listening to: Paul Van Dyk - In between
mood: chipper

Time seems timeless to me now.
Time is just a number to me now.

I have all the time in the world to do what I want. Most of the time, I just think about it and wonder....
I feel as if there should be something more that I should be doing, but I am just doing what I am doing to exist.
I feel as if there should be something more that I should be achieving. I'm not sure yet of what it is.
Maybe, time will unfold it for me.

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mood: bouncy

Recently, I have been thinking a lot of about careers and what people have to do in their jobs from day to day.
Yesterday, I thought about being a Nurse and asking myself, "what if I was a Nurse?". Honestly, I think I would make a great Nurse, I'm very gentle, I can sympathetic and I am a nice person. I don't think I'd like the 'blood' and 'death' side of it, but that would come with the job. I'd get used to it.

Recently, Dan's oldest sisters husband has joined the police force. He had a talk to Dan about what is involved in joining. A few days ago, Dan and I spoke about what if we both joined, we could motivate each other. Motivation is a big thing, it's what keeps people going and pushing on. But, really, what would be the odds of both of us getting in? There's always hope though.

Really, all these jobs were just a thought at this stage. I really can't afford to stop working and study. I wouldn't have to do that if I joined the police force.

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mood: sick and being negative

Note to self: I shouldn't spend my weekends at home, because it's not healthy for me at the moment, considering the amount of time during the week that I spend at home, (Haven't got much of a choice either with a limit amount of money - perhaps learn to be more constructive with my time, e.g. take up a new hobby or get more into photography.)
I seem to lash out at myself, these days and no body else's fault. I shouldn't be putting myself down or being so hard on myself. Maybe, I should learn to careless about the small things and deal with the cards that I am giving - that's what I planned to do when I moved here. But, this whole 'finding another job' issue is fucking me up inside. It's made me depressed when I first moved here, then I got used to it, now I hate it and I am growing tired of it. I feel like there are no answering for me. I feel like such a downer to myself and to Dan for what I've got. It's better than no job. A lot better feeling when I can say that I have A job.

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