Why is it that some lessons are coming in the most unexpected way? And when you think deeply about a question, answers are coming to you in ways you didn't imagine... a piece a newspaper, a song, a dream...

It is in the last way that an answer was presented to me a couple nights ago. I was in an old school, and for an unknown reason food was scarce to the point that 100 children were about to go starving. With the "elders" approval, I decided to go out gather any sort of food, anything that could save the poor souls. Mainly I was going out to get grass as there was nothing else evident. Getting out from the school I ended up in a most unexpected place. It looked like a well lit hallway that I knew wasn't there before. All along the walls there were racks, holding all sorts of precious vegetables. My little pang of guilt at taking someone else's stuff was fairly quickly subdued by the knowledge that without this, 100 people would die... so I started taking just enough to make a filling soup. Then, a door I didn't notice opened behind me as a young cappucino-skinned man emerged. Unphased, he was looking at me. I guessed right I was stealing his food. He kept looking at me for a while, then told me... "Ah, so you are born on the 2nd of February... I understand now". Puzzled as how this stranger could know my birthdate, I faced him only to get an even weirder explanation. Apparently, his stashed wares were being protected by a very powerful spell that no one had been able to break until now. From all the world, I was the only "bug" in his spell, that one in a million person born at a certain time and certain place that could break through his spell without a scratch. His curiosity as to who and what I am suddenly transformed into deep understanding. In seconds, while doing my job, I felt his presence protectively besides me like he'd been there for ages. In minutes, we had become accustomed to eachother like we had always been like that, without a word... He was sitting beside me, observing while I was picking the soup pot. In an instant, he took my hand. That is the most vivid part of my dream. It was a HAND touch that sent sparkles of joy, amazement, warmth and understanding all shivering through my body. This part of the dream, I recall it as if it were real. I was amazed, I turned around and looked at him in disbelief... I could hardly concentrate on the task at hand, the luring warmth was asking me for more, more... I felt like hugging him. The sparkles turned into continuous waves of light and goodness through me while I was in the embrace of his being. It was so warm... so good, so nice... I could just forget about everything and contend myself with that energy... just leave everything be...There wasn't anything sexual in what I was feeling yet it was the most powerful sort of "love" that I felt before, awake or deep asleep. Then an unexpected thing happened. He retired from the embrace and while holding my shoulders, looked into my eyes. Without a word, I understood the whole purpose of this dream.

Worldly love should never be put before the spiritual task at hand or it will not be allowed to exist. It will perish, turn banal or be desintegrated. Because this is how human beings were created to be... tending to their soul, with the heart as support for your happiness. Love for another being was never supposed to be a goal in itself, otherwise you lose sight of who you are and end up being uphappy, destroying yourself as well as the beauty of your love. While I turned back to my task that would save 100 people, I felt this was it, the answer I was looking for...what a gift.

Let's just say that with the things going on in my life, this is one of those revelations... you just see the whole life around you differently, more clear. Did this kind of thing ever happen to you?

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Today is just one of those days I float between different and uncoherent thoughts. I do not know if they are supposed to make in the end the image of something larger, something that could give a clue to the goal of my existance, moreso a clue that feels "real". I do believe that, to a certain extent I am aware of what life should lead to, or I had glimpses of, but generally "thanks to" the human skill to drown the spiritual goals into the everyday commonness, I as fast forgot...

When I was a child I was very sure that the dream life is "real" and what we perceive through "reality" is but a dream. I cannot say that that feeling has vanished off, though it certainly lost some polish given by innocent curiosity. I am one of those that were able to "control" dreams to a certain point. I say "to a certain point" because I always had a scenario that was predetermined and I moved the strings of the puppets who made my "actors" into the same stage. I didn't really know what I was holding. I found that controlling my dreams to that extent was depriving them from the freedom to offer me some clues about the life. Which usually happened, or so I felt. It seems but a child's story now but for 3 consecutive days after a New Year's Eve I had prescient dreams about the same day. Not symbolic, but truthful to the very smallest details. How is that to assure you that dreams are "real life" and life but revolves around in a faded attempt to duplicate them...

Another "marker" in my dream life were the ones in 3 consecutive days where I thought myself how to fly. And from there on I always could. With some fears and different backgrounds, but no matter what, the mental awareness that "there is no spoon" was very present in them and doing its job very well...

Finally the prescient dream about a place that I never saw and I was about to visit, a very special place that, to a certain extent, changed my life. Or maybe just got it back on the secure track.

Following my implication in the material life the dreams have become more cryptic or more symbolic. The more I believe in the world around me, dreams offer me a little less comfort. And the general feeling is that I am missing my main frame, the frame that puts me in contact with all the rest of humanity.

Ramblings at midnight or not, maybe this is what dreams are. It's the place we meet everyone and re-make the great connection with the Creation. Whereas "living" is where we convince ourselves that we are separated from everything... I must say, the sadness lies right here. I am going back to sleep, and to hug a person that is certainly my soul link and has totally forgotten...

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