Dear NuTang,

Today, like too many days previous in a row, has sucked. I was supposed to go out and do some copy work as well as some bill paying but it was too icy to go out today and I didn't want to get into an accident in the van service or get sick from standing in the weather. Of course now, after I cancel all my plans, it's nice out. Isn't that just typical?

I feel especially bad today because it's World AIDS Day and this is the first time in 15 years I haven't done something to honor it. Although, I suppose even if it is a stretch, posting about it counts. I sent the art book to the copy man and I'm waiting for the copies to come back. I hope you all are having a better day than I am.

All I keep thinking about is that 25 million people died and I can't do anything to change that. Even if I could go back in time and eliminate the AIDS crisis, I would worry about disrupting the space time continuum and creating some sort of cataclysmic affect that no one can foresee. You know how that always happens in Science Fiction movies. Anyone seen The Butterfly Affect? Well that's all for now. Maybe I'll check in later.

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I'm trying to get home for Christmas, as you know. I left my house and about midway through the van ride to the train station. I realized that I'd forgotten my medicine. I called Amy in a panic and had her drive the meds to me at the Springfield train station. Lucky she could! Demi came along, too, to help her with directions.

But when we get to the station, we find out that our train was going to be 2 and a half hours late. That means I'll miss the last train to Harrisburg and my parents house. After a series of frantic phone calls to the 'rents, it was decided that I would go back home and they would come get get me in the repaired van tomorrow. Maybe I'll have time to hit the library before they get here. Although that will be one cold walk! It's freezing here.

So, I tried to call Amy and Demi and tell them not to come (as I was going back home anyway). But Demi forgot her phone, so no luck there. Ivy is making me dinner and it smells awesome! Let's eat!

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Because I can't go out on the 4th due to the buses not running, and I'm not in good enough physical shape given my knee to bend myself into a car (which is always unpleasant regardless of what shape my knee is in) I've planned my own little 4th of July celebration. It includes finishing the Watcher (a Dean Koontz audio book I'm listening to) while playing games at iwon to earn money for ADAPT in the team challenge there. I''ll also watch Independence Day. The only place I can find it broadcast in on the Spanish channel which seems stupid to me, but I figure even if I don't speak the language I know enough to know what's going on. Will Smith is hot regardless of whatever his mouth is saying. I'll watch it just to see him even if I can't understand what he's saying. Sometimes I swear that that man is the only actual proof that I have that I'm bi. Regular ordinary men who I might meet tend to annoy me too much. But, Will Smith is unattainable and married. That's okay. No risk of annoyance. I can just stare without being rude because he can't seem me staring at him on the T.V. nor would he care if he did.

I tried to transfer in my normal way out of bed but it was nearly too much for my left knee to bear. I'll try again in a week. Maybe I'll try first to get into bed using the left knee as a stepping stone. One of my assistants suggested that. Poor girl. I scratched her with my nails today as she was putting me in the chair. Luckily, no blood. Whenever anything painful or unexpected happens I revert back to what they told me in therapy as a kid. Just hold on as hard as you can and it will be over soon. This doesn't work so well with people. Great for grab bars but not so much with actual flesh with nerve endings attached to it.

The other thing I'm going to do today is watch the Nathan's hot dog eating contest. I don't know why I became so attached to this event but I watch it every year on ESPN. It's probably the only time all year ESPN is on my T.V. for more than 2 seconds when I'm channeling surfing. Have a nice 4th everyone! Eat some barbecue since I can't find any!

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You all know the kind I mean. The kind where nothing goes right. The kind where your first plan doesn't happen so you make a back-up plan and that goes wrong too. My first plan was to have been at poetry writing group but this afternoon I felt horrible so I opted to cancel my ride. Of course, by the time 5pm rolled around I felt better but couldn't reschedule the ride. As a back-up plan I opted to attend the Farmer's Market in town. However, I discovered that my ATM card didn't work because I'd reported fraudulent charges on it so there was no Farmer's Market for me.

After that, I came home, called my mom to ask if she could lend me $50.00 out of my birthday money that she still has custody of. That led to a long mother lecture which of course is not what you're in the mood for when you found out that your ATM card doesn't work and your plans have all gone to hell. So this evening I basically sat around listening to a book and playing a video game which raises money for disability rights. At least that's good. I decided, however, to at least write a little bit so this day wasn't a complete loss. Also, in a final dose of "who in the universe did I piss off?" I was going to try getting into my wheelchair on my bad leg tomorrow to give my good leg a rest but now my painkillers are gone. I don't really want to try that with no pain killers so I guess it's off to the doctor with me tomorrow. Can anything else happen?

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