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The cake is a lie...
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Noacat
Age. 44
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. YAHTZEE!!
Location Wyoming, MI
School. Grand Valley State Univ
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August 2019

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Sweet Zombie Jeebus... I have the Hantavirus and it totally sucks.
Saturday. 11.24.07 10:12 pm
So, not last week but the week before I had vacation. Went to see TMBG on Tuesday and Wednesday (they were in Grand Rapids Tuesday and Ann Arbor on Wednesday -- we figured why not see BOTH shows, like the world's laziest Dead Heads). Sister-in-law came with. She was ill. In fact, she was really fucking sick. She probably shouldn't have come -- considering the fact that she ran for the bathroom on the Tuesday show to hurl before the concert started.

Anyway, she was sick.

My husband, he of the iron constitution, drank from her bio-hazard water container accidentally. See, we all bought water before the show. You know, because you get dehydrated jumping up and down and screaming, plus it's all hot and sweaty, what with all the other humans crowding around the stage like they do. Anyway, since we all bought the same brand, my husband wisely decided to label hers with a big ol' bio-hazard logo that he drew himself! Evidently, this step wasn't enough -- as he was doofy enough to drink from her water bottle, despite his own clear labeling.

Boys are funny.

Anyway, he drank from her Hantavirus tainted water bottle and now he has Ebola. Which is quite a feat -- a medical mystery, actually. The doctors are baffled. Honestly.

So, my husband came down sick. Now, normally, he's sick for like... three minutes before he feels better again. He's some kind of quick healing freak of nature. Illnesses that take me out for the better part of weeks, bounce off him harmlessly for the merest of moments. He's the freaking Superman of defeating viruses/bacteria. They can't touch him, I swear to god.

Except for the Hantavirus from Cathy's taint-bottle.

Yes, the taint-bottle virus defeat my mighty husband. This, of course, means that I'm infected as well, because I only have to think about a cold or the flu to come down with something. I don't just get sick, I become immobile in a coma of pain and mucus-laden torment for an eternity of weeks -- where I do nothing but blow my nose, hack up phlegm and in-general just feel miserable.

Anyway, as I watch my poor husband -- all wracked with illness -- I worry. Because if it does that to him, what the hell is it going to do to me? I have visions of hospital beds in my future... it's all pretty bleak.

For awhile, there's hope. I go two whole days, hanging around my husband, without getting sick.

Then I wake up on day three with a cough and a sore throat. AW,GOD DAMMIT!

The days pass -- I only get worse. I suffer fevers and chills. I start coughing up suspicious looking orange colored phlegm. My throat feels like I drank an entire bottle of red hot sauce, or, alternately, that I defied physics and anatomy, and somehow managed to take a cheese grater to my throat, before covering it in lye. My nasal cavities feel like they've been stuffed with cotton...

Basically, it's all hot and it hurts and stuff.

Plus, I have to go to work. It's Thanksgiving week, one of the busiest times of the year for us. I'm feverish, congested and fatigued -- and I have to find a way to pretend like I don't feel that way and smile.

Over the years, I've searched for a solution to that very conundrum, that didn't end up with me calling in sick. And I'm here to tell you, there is no way to do this. You either go to work sick, feeling and looking utterly miserable. Or you call in sick. There is no other way.

I made it through the week somehow, thank god. I still feel like shit -- though I feel marginally better. Good new today! My throat isn't on fire anymore and the phlegm I'm coughing up is now a nice clear yellowish color, HUZZAH!

...anyway... this all just reminds me of that one week when I was eight and I had the flu real bad. I had a fever... I remember being delirious with fever and watching Shogun. There's nothing worse for a body when they're sick than being forced to watch a mini-series staring Richard Chamberlain. (If you're too young or don't remember Shogun, look for it on Youtube. Just type in Shogun or Richard Chamberlain -- I'm sure you'll find it. You're a tenacious one, net reader person who is here with reading my journal, okay.)

Where was I? Oh, yeah...

Anyway, the only difference between now and then is: now, I'm delirious and watching "The Prestige", which is more than marginally better than watching Shogun. It has David Bowie, maker of all good things in the universe (SHUT UP! He SO is!)

...I forgot where I was going with this...

I think the Nyquil is finally kicking in.... *passes out*


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Noacat's List of Cartoon Characters That Should Be Stabbed in the Neck
Saturday. 11.10.07 9:45 pm
In no particular order... **it should be noted that I put up wiki-links to the more obscure shows that some of you youngins might not have been around to see, on account of not being born yet or just too damn little to remember.

Glomer from It's Punky Brewster.  Oh, just repellent. Most odious thing ever thought up by a children's show ever. If you are an adult and you happen to hear Glomer's voice, quickly plug your ears. It's been known to drive the weaker amongst us insane with rage.



Slimer from The Real Ghostbusters (I refuse to call it by its slave title... given to it when Slimer took over the show. The bastard.) This is a case of a cute side character in a movie becoming some kind of freaky, kid friendly craze that just takes over. The original show itself was actually a bit interesting when it first came out. The stories were kinda dark, but they always had sort of a neat intellectual bent -- drawing on great works of literature and mythology and such. Until Slimer took over, and it became a total kiddie fest.



Kowl from She-ra: Princess of Power!! (Most useless, pointless character since Orco... oh wait!) This thing was created with one thought in mind: Plush toys. There was no other reason for Kowl to exist but to sell lots and lots of plush toys. *stabstabstab*



Orco from He-man and the Masters of the Universe. The most obnoxious thing about him is his lack of neck. I suppose a good jab to the eye will have to do... another entirely useless character written to provide much needed comedy relief into a series that'd be stiflingly dull without it... as meager as it was. The thing that still mystifies me to this day is what the hell is under that hat. Little fucker is hiding something, I swear to GOD! Orco is NOT to be trusted...



The Great Gazoo from the Flintstones... when did anyone find shit like this funny, like ever? I fucking hate everything about him. His voice. His stupid bulbous hat. His face. Did I mention his voice? I really hate his voice.



Gargamel from the Smufs. Nothing more annoying to me than constant failure. Add to constant failure a vague kind of oiliness, and you have a character that is entirely intolerable. He feels like the kind of character that'd lure young Smurfs into his rickety van with promises of a BMX bike. Boo to you, sir.



Jabberjaw from Jabberjaw... my hate is so palpable for this character that you could pluck it out of thin air and eat it. Seriously, if you didn't find Curly from the Three Stooges nearly annoying enough... here comes JABBERJAWS! Seriously, his voice is just a blatant ripoff of Curly Fine's, and it's not even done well. Plus, it's a fucking shark, that walks around ON LAND and solves mysteries with a bunch of futuristic teenagers. When are producer's gonna figure out that kids aren't that stupid? I was around five or so when this was around and I didn't buy it then. WTF, producers... WTF??



The Catillac Cats from Heathcliff and the Catillac Cats. Though all of them fill me with a deep and powerful hate, the stupid white cat on the roller skates really pisses me off something terrible. Mostly because he danced around on those damned skates... whilst rhyming everything he said like the spirit of some godforsaken beat-poet who had the unfortunate bad karma to be reincarnated into a rhyming anthropomorphic cat who wore roller-skates all the time for no apparent reason. I was also slightly disturbed by Cleo (not pictured), Riff Raff's (that cat in the stupid looking green hat and equally stupid looking matching scarf) love interest. She was way hotter than a cartoon cat on a kid's show should be... add to this her strange poofy hair and leg warmers and... brrr... it gives me chills just thinking about it.



The ENTIRE CAST of Spongebob Squarepants. *pause to wait for the angry mob to die down* Yeah, I know my opinion won't be popular, but I don't care. I hate this show so much. I hate it with the fire of a thousand Pomeranians that have been tied to stakes and set aflame. It is a stupid, stupid show and has made this country even stupider than it was before. No points. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Get shivved in your jugular, thank you... pull ahead to the next window.



I also hated Mister Mxyzptlk from the Super Friends (NO, NO, NO!! NOT THE NEW ONE! The OLD one... from 1973. Man, I'm old.) but sadly, I can't find a picture of him. His voice was almost as grating at the Great Gazoo's (it wouldn't surprise me if their voices were done by the same person). Instead, I give you Gleek and the Wonder Twins from the Super Friends... who were also annoying -- marginally less so than Marvin, Wendy and Wonderdog who had preceded them in early episodes of the Super Friends. Marvin in particular was a noxious irritant. You can have more fun at the Wonder Twin's expense at Seanbaby.com!


Last, but by no means least... the Snarf. That's right. He's not just Snarf... he's THE Snarf. The one, THE ONLY -- Snarf from the Thundercats. God, how I hate him. I hate Snarf so much that I don't have the words to express it. He makes me so angry that I just... want to throw keys and scream unintelligible epithets in rage. Just look at him... LOOK AT HIM! He's just a blob of useless crap, held together by more crap. He's the Gilligan of the Thundercats. He doesn't serve any purpose at all but to bungle things and generally cause more trouble than he's worth -- why.... WHY... doesn't someone just do the merciful thing and shove a stick between those big fucking ears of his? WHY??!!



Also, honorable mention to the Smurfs... who I liked back when I was a kid, but now that I'm an adult I understand just how annoying they were. Especially that fucking song they'd sing all the time... my father got so sick of it that he created alternate lyrics, which I didn't appreciate then but I do now. *grins most evilly*

La La La La La La
Kill the God Damned Smurfs
 La La La La La La
They're a bunch of jerks
La La La La La La
Cut their little throats
La La La La La La
 Choke them all with ropes!

Aw! I love my Dad!

I also wanted to express my deep hatred of the Snorks, a sad ripoff meant to capitalize on the success of the Smurfs. I especially hated the little green one who didn't talk. He was a clear ripoff of Harpo Marx and it wasn't appreciated. Fuckers.

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BED! BED! BED! BED! BED! BED!
Thursday. 11.1.07 11:12 pm
Mmrf. Boonga. Waffles.

I's tired.

Sooooooooo tired.

Bleh.

My scanner crapped out -- lucky I have a spare. (No, seriously, I have a spare scanner -- it's a long, stupid story. Don't ask.)

Going to sleep now...

Wooga.

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INCOMPREHENSIBLE SURVEY NO ONE WILL TAKE! GOTTA CATCH IT... or not.
Monday. 10.29.07 11:57 pm
Dusting off this moldy old survey my husband and I concocted a million years ago, when our eyes were shiny and new, and not capped by sunflowers.

But I digress... here's a survey of no importance, which nobody will take, much less understand. Yet I give it to you, like I give all the horrible things I think up to you, because I'm just evil that way.

1.) You are now the greatest guitar player in the world. What would be the first song or songs you played with your new power?

2.) If you could play any NON-ROCK/Rap/R&B/Pop/Etc. instrument, what would you play?

3.) Vishnu grants you his power, you are now the best singer in the entire universe. What song or songs would you sing?

4.) Beethoven has descended from the clouds, he wiggles his nose and makes you the best piano player in the world. What strictly piano based song or songs would you play? (this can include Rock songs...as long as the major instrument heard in said song is a piano)

5.) You are now the greatest actor in all the world. A prominent director wants YOU to be in his movie adaptation!! QUICK! What movie adaptation would you be in and what part would you play? (MUST be a movie that has already been made. NO SHAKESPEARE MOVIES)

6.) You are the best director EVER. After months of discussion, you decide to remake a crappy B-movie...Your mission. Turn this turd-burger into a pile of gold! What B-movie would you remake and how would you make it better?

7.) Take ANY animated movie/TV show/OAV you can think of. Which one would you like seen done in live action and by what director?

8.) You are now the greatest screenwriter in ALL THE WORLD!! You have chosen to adapt a classic Shakespearean play for the big screen. Which play would you pick and who would be in the major roles?

9.) If you could be ANY movie director...alive or dead...who would you be?

10.) Okay, you are now your favorite movie director. Which of his or her classic movies are you looking forward to filming?

11.) You are now the LORD of the dance. What kind of dancing would you specialize in?

12.) Almost every movie based on a work by Stephen King has been screwed up beyond belief. Even when Mr. King works on it himself. Which Stephen King adaptation would you remake...and make it better? Who would you cast?

13.) What...is your favorite color?

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And this is why you should all be glad I don't have super powers...
Thursday. 10.25.07 12:13 am
Dudes... people... I just heard the most insulting thing ever.

Was watching the news about the California fires and some jackass newscaster had the gall to note that the rescue centers in SoCal were clean, well lit and with many amenities, unlike the shelters set up during Hurricane Katrina.

Wow. Just... wow. Your ignorance astounds me, newscaster person.

You want to know why the shelters in the rich parts of SoCal are nicer than what they had in New Orleans? Because the victims of the fire in Socal were rich and mostly white. Whereas, the victims of Hurricane Katrina on average were all poor and black.

I've never been the kind of person to see black/white-rich/poor issues in everything. But I can see it clearly here.

The bullshit that happened with Hurricane Katrina was plainly because those people in New Orleans were poor and black. (Though I'm not expert, I'm just going on plain opinion and my own personal feelings -- feel free to get pissed at me and disagree. I can take it.) All the rich folks trucked their asses out in their six figure SVUs -- without even looking back. The rest that were left were too poor to leave on their own. Their city forgot about them. Their country forgot about them.

They were left to rot. How fucked up is that?

And now we have some white bint on CNN complaining about how the fires have negatively affected her life -- GASP! She hasn't be able to use her cell phone, text OR answer email in three whole days! I kid you not -- she was actually ON AIR complaining about this.

Wow. I feel your pain, lady. I really do. I am SO sorry you haven't emailed your superficial, artificial, more machine now than man friends in 72 hours. It's a national fucking tragedy. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CAN SOMEONE GET THIS WOMAN A WI-FI!??

***NOTE: For those of you ACTUALLY suffering due to the California fires, I really do feel for you. But the whole thing I saw on the news with the reporter and that stupid bint complaining about her email -- it just set my teeth on edge.

I feel better now...

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I CAN'T FIND THE TRACK I'M LOOKING FOR!
Sunday. 10.14.07 7:24 pm
I don't know why I do this to myself. Really, I don't.

I have so much music on the hard-drive, but I squirrel it away... well... like a squirrel -- with seeming randomness, I save tracks I like to my hard-drive and then promptly forget where it was I put them.

Now, I know I put on "Inner Universe" -- the opening theme to "Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex" -- my hard-drive. I know it, because I bought the CD with that song on specifically so I could put it on my computer and listen to it again and again and again and again -- just like I like to.

I haven't listened to it in awhile, and now I want to and I'll be damned if I can find where it was that I hid it. Sadly, this is NOT the first time I've done this. I've lost and found the end theme to "Metal Gear Solid 2", like a dozen times. Same thing with Paul McCartney's "Hope of Deliverance" and REM's "It's the End of the World as We Know It".

So, I go looking for the song -- I find an unmarked folder, full of untitled songs. Turns out it's the first half of the Rolling Stones two disc set "40 Licks" that I got for Christmas eons ago. Evidently, I put it on the hard-drive, but neglected to download a track listing that showed up... or something. Really, god knows what I did -- whatever it was, clearly, I f-ed it up.

Anyway, I'm happy right now listening to the Rolling Stones, but sooner or later I'd like to find "Inner Universe". Most likely, I'll have to dig up the CD from where-ever I stored it (because god forbid I make anything easy for myself) and rip it back onto the computer again.

Sad thing is, after I've done that... I'll find the folder the song was in, no doubt in some perfectly obvious place I neglected to look in.

*head-desk*

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