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if you stick around, i'll sing you pretty sounds.


smudge clothing company.
sometimes randy and sporadicfunk and i draw pictures and we put the pictures on shirts and you have to buy them.

here is a direct link to our store on zazzle.

shirts for sale.

also, you can find us on facebook.

become a fan.
guide to success with my weblog.
step one: read everything to the right of this module.
step two: click every number at the bottom of the screen.
step three: go back to step one.

repeat infinity times.
this is my personal assistant.
i managed to break this little nutang helper from his contract with nutang, and now he works for me. his name is jump-for-joya. he manages this site. all complaints and other inquiries should be directed to him.


jump-for-joya


he thanks you for your cooperation.
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droid.
Friday. 1.8.10 10:08 am
so, droid. yeah, i know, some people say that those phones are a waste of money, and that a phone should just be a phone. however, when i see my two siblings and my mother and all kinds of other people with those cools apps and junk, i can't help but want one. so i'm fucking doing it. in fact, i already bought it.

free two day shipping ftw.

sidenote, going to see sherlock holmes tonight with niki. i guess we'll see how that goes.

let's hear more about the break up, what happened?

oh, i'm glad you asked. well, what i thought was a mutual breakup is slooooowly turning into me wanting to break off the relationship solely. which is fine, because i still stand by my position. i'm no flippity-flopper. and i know that by standing by my position, i'm making the best decision, because i don't want to screw things up further than they may already be. i'm sure this blog is helping.

*holds up sarcasm sign*

i really want friendship to work out. it's the only outcome that i can see being a possible success, at this point. i'll leave it at that, as i don't really want to think too much about things right now.

the end!

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tattoo. (pt 1)
Wednesday. 1.6.10 3:32 pm
i've been trying to come up with a concept for a tattoo for a long time, and i think i've come up with what's right for me. i want it to be a smiley face being gripped by a hand, and i want it done very sketch...ily. i'm posting my preliminary drawing of it. here ya go:



what do you think?

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weird.
Tuesday. 1.5.10 12:12 pm
it's weird being in a relationship in the morning, and out of one in the evening. especially when you've been in that relationship for three years.

niki and i had some problems, but who doesn't? it all comes down to what you want to do with your lives, and when plans interfere with each other, some times it just doesn't work out.

*shrugs*

it sucks, but, what CAN ya do? (said in leonidas' voice)

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"oh-ten."
Thursday. 12.31.09 1:03 pm
happy new year wishes from me to you, everyone.

there's a party tonight for the new year. not sure why we celebrate. it's just changing the way that i write the date for 365 days, give or take. i'm sure that january and february, i will be cursing the skies because i will continue to write "2009" instead of "2010."

i like celebrating though, just in general, so i'm happy about it.

what will be call this coming year? i mean, for the past ten years, we've been able to just say "oh-X". i'm sure a lot of people will call it "oh-ten" which will be aggrivating. in fact, whoever calls it "oh-ten" will get ten punches in the face from me, and after each one, i will say the appropriate year: oh-one, oh-two, etc.

i will end it will a solid "ten!" then i will say "looking forward to eleven" which simultaneously flipping them off with each of my middle fingers, to form a makeshift eleven.

i think this plan is sufficient. now i just need someone to call it "oh-ten."

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rewind.
Tuesday. 12.29.09 10:32 am
do you ever wish you could rewind like, two years?

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david the gay penguin.
Tuesday. 12.22.09 3:42 pm
here's a random story i wrote today.

if i was going to cast people to play the roles of the characters in this story, then here is what they'd be:

Gregory - Michael Clarke Duncan
Brian - Andre Benjamin (aka Andre 3000)
David - Perez Hilton
Patrick - Patrick Demsey
Flying Saucer - Judy Dench
Giant Sea Squid - Mr. T
Ursula - Pat Carroll

okay. this story is really stupid, but i tried to cover as many genres of stories as i could. so it's for everyone. enjoy:

David the Gay Penguin.

Gregory, a fierce male emperor penguin, was keeping his egg especially warm this winter, showing off to all the other male penguins that he could keep his egg the warmest.

“My son will be the biggest, baddest penguin there ever was!” said Gregory.

When it was warm enough, he would use the egg to do curls. That’s just a side note.

When time came, Gregory’s egg began to hatch.

“Aww yeah!” yelled Gregory. “My son David will be the most awesomest penguin ever, and all will fear him!” The egg began to crack. There was a weird noise coming from the egg. Gregory leaned in a little closer, and realized that there was some sort of music coming from the egg…

“What is that?” Gregory’s friend Brian asked. “Is that Abba?”
“NO WAY!” exclaimed Gregory, “THAT HAS TO BE ZEPPELIN, OR METALLICA.”
“No, I think it’s Abba.” Brian said, calmly.
“IS NOT!” said Gregory, simultaneously punching Brian in the ‘nads. Brian fell over and pain, and, in fact, died on the spot.

The egg cracked more, and more, until finally David, Gregory’s son, burst from it, singing show tunes from Mama Mia! the musical.


“OMFG” Gregory said. “You are not my son.” Gregory wound up his left flapper to slap David right across the beak, but David dodged the slap with his jazzy feet, and gallivanted away into the sunset, following the aurora borealis through the night, until he came across an elephant seal named Patrick.

“Why hello, Patrick!” David said, mightily gay.
“How did you know my name?” said Patrick, in a very confused tone.
“Oh!” said David, as he began to dance circles around Patrick, singing various tunes from “Aida” and “Rent.”

“I like your style.” Said Patrick. So, then, Patrick became gay as well. Defying the laws of physics, David and Patrick held hands and danced off into the night.

The following morning, David found a sharp stick and thrust it into Patrick’s left eye.

“YOU AREN’T MY REAL DAD!” yelled David.
“AHHHHH!!!!” yelled Patrick back. “My good eye!”

David then used the stick to pierce Patrick’s broken heart. Patrick was killed instantly. He fell onto the ice with a thunderous thud, and to celebrate, David danced, and sang various tunes from “Grease.” Then he ate Patrick’s carcass, or as much as he could, at least, until he had his fill.

Just as he was wiping his mouth of sweat and seal blood, David noticed a flying saucer slowly passing overhead. Being a penguin, David naturally flew up into the air and followed the saucer. Soon after the saucer became aware of its tail, David and the flying craft proceeded to have an epic four hour Star Wars-esque battle, complete with real lasers and laser sounds. It ended when David used the force to shove a missile straight up the saucer’s ass, causing immense sexual pleasure to the saucer, and also causing the saucer to explode.

Once David landed safely, he decided to go for a swim. Little did he know that the Giant Sea Squid from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea was waiting for him.

“OMG!” David exclaimed, as the sea squid grasped him with a huge pink tentacle, “I’ve never seen one so big before!”
“THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!” yelled the squid. The giant squid was about to bite off David’s head, when out of nowhere Ursula from The Little Mermaid appeared, and turned the squid into a starfish, which she promptly stuck up her snatch.

“Wow” said David, “How can I ever repay you?”
“Well, my little darling,” began Ursula, “You only need to give me something that belongs to you.” Ursula looked David up and down, and realized that she didn’t really want much of anything that belonged to David. While Ursula wasn’t paying attention, David swiftly grabbed hold of Eric’s ship, and steered it right into Ursula’s belly.

“NOOOOOO!!!!” she yelled as she deflated like a balloon, and flew all around the ocean, again, like a balloon.

In celebration, David, of course, began dancing, and singing various show tunes from “Cats.”

Then he pulled out his .45 and shot himself in the head, in gay victory.

END

-------

i don't care if you don't like it.

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when you buy my things it makes me happy.
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