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if you stick around, i'll sing you pretty sounds.


smudge clothing company.
sometimes randy and sporadicfunk and i draw pictures and we put the pictures on shirts and you have to buy them.

here is a direct link to our store on zazzle.

shirts for sale.

also, you can find us on facebook.

become a fan.
guide to success with my weblog.
step one: read everything to the right of this module.
step two: click every number at the bottom of the screen.
step three: go back to step one.

repeat infinity times.
this is my personal assistant.
i managed to break this little nutang helper from his contract with nutang, and now he works for me. his name is jump-for-joya. he manages this site. all complaints and other inquiries should be directed to him.


jump-for-joya


he thanks you for your cooperation.
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conversations.
Monday. 5.10.10 9:58 am
these are conversations that i have had with customers. the lines in italics are what i wish i could say to them, but would probably get fired for.

"thank you for calling [bank], this is scott, how can i help you?"
"yes, i would like you to check the balance on my account."
"okay, sure, do you have the account number?"
"oh? um hold on..."
"oh, you don't have your account number?"
"no, i don't have it."
"well why the fuck are you calling your bank asking for your balance then?"

-----

"hi, what can i do for you?"
"yeah, i have a problem with my account."
"okay, what is the problem?"
"there are some charges on here and i don't know where they are from. and you charged me overdraft fees."
"okay, let me take a look... okay, umm these charges are from a company called 'extenze'."
(if you don't know what extenze is, google it.)
"oh, well, okay. i still want my fees back. you shouldn't charge me $31 every time i overdraw my account."
"well, did you authorize these charges?"
"yes, i did. but if you don't give me these fees back i'm going to close my account."
"geeze, sir. with having such small genitalia you have awfully big balls to say such a thing."

"thank you for calling [bank], this is scott, how can i help you?"
"what bank is this?"
"[bank]"
"did this used to be [old name of bank]?"
"yes, it did."
"well what happened to [old name of bank]?"
"we changed six years ago."
"well i don't like [bank], i liked [old name of bank] better."
"fuck you."

"thank you for calling [bank], this is scott, how can i help you?"
"hi how are you?"
"...fine. yourself?"
"good i need to speak to [boss]."
"i'm sorry, he's on the phone, did you want his voicemail?"
"no, i really need to speak to [boss]."
"...okay, well, he's on the phone right now. do you want to hold?"
"uhhhh..."
"well, what the fuck else do you want to do? should i scream his name until he hangs up the phone and answers your call? would you like me to come pick you up, bring you here so you can personally talk to him? should i go into his office, and simply hang up the phone for him? i realize that you think you are the most important client that our bank has, but i really don't give a shit if you are the company's president."

Comment! (9) | Recommend!

moving.
Saturday. 5.8.10 12:57 pm
This is the first entry I've ever done from my phone. It automatically capitalizes words for me. Cool, I guess.

So, in approximately one month, sporadicfunk and I will be moving into our new apartment! Yep we got approved for one today.

Yessssssssssssssss.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

torn.
Thursday. 5.6.10 1:23 pm
i'm torn.

i was going to replicate the music video "dirty little secret" by the all-american rejects. it was easy enough, and i could still make it my own without totally changing the concept of the video.

but now i have the opportunity to come up with an entire music video. that means i can pick any song, infringe some copyrights, and have an interesting video.

what should i do? shit.

i watched um. what was it called. bar...t. flinc... hold on.

*google'd*

sorry, it was simon birch. it's the story of this kid who was born too small, and his adventures with his buddy at catholic school, and such. he thinks he is god's instrument, and a hero. he also like boobs. three pluses, if you ask me.

it was a good movie. it was also very sad. and hilarious. jim carrey narrates. i'd suggest checking it out.

Comment! (7) | Recommend!

thought.
Wednesday. 5.5.10 10:32 am
now, i know a lot of words. i mean, everyone does. i don't know excessively more than others, but i know some.

however, with my head injury (that was now nine years ago) i have a hard time retaining the meanings for a long time. so sometimes i feel like i am 90% sure of the meaning of a word, but the 90% isn't assurance enough. so i look it up. usually online.

i guess my point is that i hate how big the text is on dictionary.reference.com. at least, when you type in the word. it makes me feel dumb. especially when my computer faces someone else's office.

i feel like they can look in and be all, "he's looking up [insert semi-advanced word]? what a tool. everyone knows what [insert semi-advanced word] means. give that guy a pay cut."

just a thought. a stupid one at that.

on may 16th, the tiny town of arbutus, maryland is holding their annual arts festival for the 37th time. thusly, they have named it "the 37th annual arbutus arts festival." i was coerced into working the pizza stand there. i guess i have to help promote the bank a bit. hmm.

if you live in the area, come check it out. or don't. i can't guarantee it's going to be a good time, as i've never gone before. also, you'll all probably forget about it by may 16th. i know i will.

Comment! (7) | Recommend!

stupid.
Tuesday. 5.4.10 3:48 pm
stupid 'partment. you's a stupid 'partment anyway.

work is boring.

i was going to end my blog at this point, but i figured i could stand to make it slightly more elaborate.

i miss the dave chappelle show.

alright, that's it, i'm done.

Comment! (5) | Recommend!

stubs.
Monday. 5.3.10 8:41 am
applied for first apartment yesterday. i have to send over my last two pay stubs via fax around 915, then we will know for sure!

Comment! (3) | Recommend!


when you buy my things it makes me happy.
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