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undecided
Charade
Sunday. 8.29.10 8:31 am
I think I am going to put up with this charade for a little while longer. It is partly fun and puts things into perspective for me. I don't know... I would regret this every now and then but if it means keeping people I don't like at bay, I think it is worth it.

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Labels/ Name-calling
Sunday. 8.15.10 11:45 am
If someone calls you something bad, like a leech or a snake, would you FEEL INSULTED if you really are not?

That's all I wanna know.

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Curiousity
Tuesday. 8.3.10 1:26 pm
Curiousity kills the cat and it is kinda killing me.

My classmates are up to no good and I have no idea what until I get back to KL or when class starts.. I have no idea when they are gonna spring it on me.

Me not knowing "is for my own good" and if I want a date, "it can be arranged". I really don't know what this is about. Though member #2 of the production team (that is what they are springing on me, their production) asked me a question which kinda confirms part of my suspicion of what it is about yet it could also be just a random question worded in the wrong way. I mean.. you don't put "oh ya" in front of a question if its just another random question... right?

Usually when I cannot take the mystery, I skip to the end, find out and continue reading where I stopped. In this case, I can do nothing at all and I don't really sit well with it.. even if its really nothing.

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Wednesday. 7.21.10 4:13 am
listening to: Michelle Branch - Sooner or Later

One of these days, you're gonna wish you had me because I have been cleaning up your mess all these while. I was never your number 1 and I don't care. I just don't see why you can't just let me be when I am obviously less important than some other people. You see, there is a reason why I don't want to come back - and I still don't wanna - and that reason, you will never know cause you will never bother asking or even notice for that matter. What? Am I supposed to explain to you where I go? What I do at certain places? Since you don't bother, then don't ask as I don't care because you have never been that important in my life anyway. Just give me whatever I'm supposed to get and leave me alone like you always do. Don't try to control me just because I came back as it is too late for that.

One more thing that you should know is that it is your pride that is on the line, not mine. Yes, I am prideful but let me remind you that this path is one that you force on me and honestly, I don't care of I don't complete it because I don't like having to complete things under these conditions. My pride has long gone but my resentment of you people is growing by the day.

Also, you have no right whatsoever to be upset over gifts that other people give me. What? Am I supposed to say "oh no.. its okay.. you'll get it for me soon". God, who are we kidding? You are just kidding yourself cause I know you will get me nothing. Stop making it as if I'm ungrateful because you know what? Say whatever you want because your words would only be like scratches from a fall.

Then why am I still here you may ask? We'll have to ask you that question because you were the one who demanded me to be here. I didn't wanna be here, I don't want to be here and I never quite want to be here.

So make up your mind because this might just be the last time I come back.

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Gamble
Friday. 7.9.10 8:04 am
As I have said in this blog or my other blog, I want to go to the casino and just gamble. The only things I have left to gamble is my emotions and money. Why I want to gamble? Because it would make me feel better that I'm broke because of the things I did and not because someone decided to fuck their lives and incidentally fucked mine too. It would definitely make me feel better if I have my hand in fucking my own life. The reason why I cannot gamble with my emotions is because I am already on an emotional rollercoaster so I choose to let it be the last thing I will gamble as that is the one with the least predictable outcome.

I have two more papers to sit for and then my friends are going for a holiday, which I cannot follow because someone gave me an ultimantium so all I want to do is to sit somewhere drinking tea and thinking about things I want to decide. Hopefully by then, I will stick to the decisions I have made.

I need to talk to someone matured and have seen the world, but whom? I don't want to burden them with my problems.

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I was asleep
Friday. 6.4.10 12:33 pm
until someone rudely woke me up because all the ATMs have gone offline and he needs cash to go out. NO sorry for having woke you up or even thank you for the money.

This is what men who thinks that they should be worshipped does, especially those brought up in a typical chinese family where men are to be worshipped as god.

And they wonder why I refuse to give the exact replicas of the useless men in my life a chance just because there is a possibility that they can be a nice and loving boyfriend. *snorts* I should just shoot myself.

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