Life has to give me a new dare. This dare is so old now that it hardly motivates me to do anything but moping over the fact that it sucks! I think I work better when I feel challenged because my pride is on the line and I would just love to see their faces when I succeed. Though the same challenge over and over again gets stale and does not help in motivating me. The situation has to change, has to be more challenging and less “up to you, it is your life to live”. Everyone needs a cause to fight with but when nothing changes after that fight, aren’t you going to lose your way? When we fight for something, we have to see the results. When you don’t see any after a while, most people will give up. I don’t want to give up but this fight is getting so old I am sick of it. Just like everyone is sick of George W. Bush and his stupidity. Just because I am old enough it doesn’t mean that I need less encouragement. Some people have to mature early due to certain circumstances so when it comes to some things, they have no idea what to do. Although I know that people can’t make a decision of another, they could still assist the person by giving their thoughts and encouragement. Through these thoughts, the pros and cons, even things that the person were not aware of will emerge, helping the person who needs to make a decision.

All I wish for now is for life to give me some hope/imporvement/something new for me to continue fighting that stupid challenge with that stupid part of the family. Whatever it is that I have now, seems so stale and so boring, it is not fun anymore.

By the way, if what my mother has been doing, which is impulsive shopping for luxury items, is some kind of a sign, YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

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He reprimanded me for shouting at my mother on the phone. Sorry dude but she is the main cause of my stress lately and I can’t help it that sometimes she is like some bimbo thinking that everything is so darn easy to do. It is not fun to not have friends and please your mother at the same time. It is so not fun to have that feeling that the things you are about to do will cause you to lose friendship. I love the bonds that lasted throughout the years and I don’t want to lose it no matter what. Sometimes, I don’t get my mother, she thinks it is so easy for someone to follow what another did just because the other is the same age and is doing better! Forcing people will get you no where! Everyone does things their own way you can’t force someone to be someone else.

Thanks mum for my abnormal growth of pimples this month.

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got the job I wanted but it is not at the location I wanted and it is just 6 days. The part time job which pays the highest actually needs me to get to a place not within walking distance and isn't quite near a bus stop. Sucks! My life sucks! If it is just within some station or a bus stop, I'd glomp into it and make 300 bucks by just working after class and have time to finish my assignments!

Gosh... what a disappointment.

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I have more dreams of things I've done in the past. Nothing criminal or against the law, just the sport and the people. It wasn't that long ago that I dreamt about being able to do things that I could not do in the past. I dreamt about it again last night. It has a nice feeling of being acomplished yet I wonder why am I dreaming about it, after all these years, now? I never regretted giving up. I feel better even after giving up since I had no future in the sport anyway. The coach gave my chance to someone else whom she thought is more worthy whilst I get higher marks in competitions than her.

I wonder if these dreams of the past has anything to do with my recent contacts with people whom I've never seen for a couple of years. People who popped up in my other blog just to say "hi". There is this... friend? I never really got angry at her for doing what she did to me. I never found out why she did it nor why I didn't hate her for all my life. The funny thing is that I could even defend her when she was under attack by cowards who dare not even to use their real names when they were calling her a bitch, hypocrite and backstabber on her cbox. I don't know why I could still be nice towards her.. What is it that she has that I don't yet I want? Or is it the symphaty which is causing me to be so nice to her?

I'm astonished by the things I do and the dreams I dream sometimes..

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I’m bored, I need my fix, need to try harder in pushing unpleasant thoughts away, need to try to finish my assignments as I planned to, need to stop thinking.

I’m having nightmares since I’m home. Unpleasant things are popping up in my dreams; it is like experiencing them when I’m awake is not bad enough. Go away! How I wish some people would stop blaming me for their own defects, as if I’m the cause if their faults. Not my fault! You don’t even realise that you’re being cheated and you refuse to listen to others. Awesome isn’t it?

Thanks for ruining my holiday so far, I will lock myself in my room, appear offline to those on my MSN messenger, and force myself to finish my assignments. I will be blind to whatever you do, I no longer will care, no longer will say anything. Stay out of my business if you want me to stay out of yours.

Allow me to continue brooding on my own, laugh like a maniac on my own, talk to myself on my own and seem like some crazy person.

Now that I've finished this post... I'm feeling deja vu... did I do this before? I might after all, I need to start filling this blog with more happier post. I am sick of being miserable because of the people around me.

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It is unbelievable how some people love to ruin my days! Seriously, SELFISH FUCKER!! You just HAVE to hog everything don’t you? THE BEST THINGS AROUND, YOU MUST HAVE IT NEAR YOU MOST OF THE TIME! The most ridiculous thing is that those things DO NOT BELONG to you at all. When others are not as good as you are in using it, you CRITICISE! You have no bloody CONSIDERATIONS for everyone else! Every single time you are reprimanded for some truth I state, I have to put up with you temper yet I have to save your fucking ass all the time! I know you will read this and I don’t care!

When YOU take those things, it is not as if you will FOLLOW other’s plans made. NO NO NO, you fucking plans are fucking more important. Yes you fucking plans to lick pussy! Everyone else’s plans are NOT as good as that. You always make yourself the priority, ALWAYS have to act as if you god damn great! Guess what? I know I will need to see your CIBAI face for the next week or next month but I don’t care! SO WHAT IF PEOPLE CAN KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING THROUGH MY BLOGS? BETTER THAN SOMEONE WHOM ACTION IS SO PREDICTABLE!

next time you are in a stitch, find your pussy, pussy! Not me, I aint helping you!

GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GP GGGGGGGGGGGGGPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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