my boyfriend bought me a pink sparkly electric guitar at target today. not that i can play the acoustic guitar i have (yet). but this thing is rocktastic. and sparkly! and pink! hopefully this will inspire me to try harder to learn guitar (possibly take lessons?), and get off my ass and write some songs.

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mood: achy



my doctor has put me on a diuretic for 10 days in order to help with the swelling and high blood pressure. i picked up the prescription yesterday and took the first pill at about 10am.



i swear, i must have peed 20 times yesterday. since 6am today, i've already peed 3 times (and it's 11:22am, not the 2pm that's on this entry - i'm on the west coast). i just took my 2nd pill, and i'm going to try and keep track of how many times i pee today. it might be amusing. also informative to anyone who may have to go on a diuretic for high blood pressure or edema (swelling).



this will be TONS of fun when i go back to work tomorrow, for sure.

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mood: exhausted and upset


my status should be solidified by now. but it is not. and i know that i am at the bottom of the foodchain.

i'll never be able to compete. or compare. that realization makes me sick to the point of nearly vomiting.

damn ghosts.

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listening to: hammock

mood: scared


i spent from 930am until about 2pm today at the doctor's office, the lab and the hospital.



background: my ankle and foot started swelling for no reason about a month ago. they would deflate a little bit, but it never completely went away. i finally sucked it up and went to the doctor.



i arrive and they weigh me -- since my last visit (a mere 2 months ago), i've gained another 10 pounds. my blood pressure was also through the roof - 160/110. at that point, i lost it. i cried while waiting for my doctor, while talking to her, while getting my blood taken, while peeing in a cup and while getting an ultrasound done on my legs (to check for BLOOD CLOTS).



so now we wait for the results. and i cry, continuing to worry about what the hell is wrong with me. i was supposed to go on a girls-only road trip to vegas for the weekend with some girls from the bar, but i bailed. i was too drained and exhausted at the end of it all, and i'm too worried and scared to even attempt to have fun. my feet are now starting to hurt because of the swelling. i can't wear any of my shoes besides my flip-flops (thank god i live in SoCal).



i'm terrified right now.

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