Dear IT Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower, gifts and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.

And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?


Signed,
Desperate Housewife



REPLY:

Dear Desperate Housewife,

First keep in mind: Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.

If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1.

Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance.

I personally recommend Hot Tasty Food 3.0 and Tongkat Ali 6.9 (*For those who don't understand, it's similar to viagra).


Good Luck,
IT Support

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I'm sure almost everyone had received a call from telemarketers before. What I always say to them is either "I'm not interested" or "I'm busy". But when I was browsing my emails of way back in history, I found this "8 Ways to Scare a Telemarketer" on the email's title/subject. Actually it was a page from some magazine but I've no idea which coz the person who forwarded the email did not mentioned it. I find it quite funny, so I'm sharing it on my blog.

1 Ask him to talk v-e-r-y slooooowly, because you want to write down everyword he says.

2 When he introduces himself (e.g. Sammy), immediately say, "Wah piang eh! Sammy! Long time no see, man! How are you! Are you still living in that old place?" This should stun Sammy for a while, as he scrambles to remember where he might know you from.

3 After he finishes his marketing spiel, tell him he must marry you first before you sign on.

4 If he says he's Tan Ah Seng from ABC Pte Ltd, ask him to spell his name. Then ask him to spell his company name. Then ask him where it's located. Continue asking him personal questions or questions about the company for as long as you feel like it.

5 Insist the caller is actually your friend Benny, playing a joke. "Eh, Benny, don't like that leh! Stop playing the fool! Seriously, Benny, how's your mother? Is she out of the hospital yet?" Etc, etc.

6 After he finishes his pitch, say in a very creepy voice, "Thank you for calling me. I don't have many friends... do you want to be my friend?"

7 If he asks, "How are you?". Tell him, "Wahlau, got so many problems. My fish all died, then my mother and father had this big argument until the neighbours called the police, and the lagi worse, don't know why, but my crotch was itching the whole day, so I went to the clinic and then...". Continue till he hangs up.

Note: I think this applies to guys. For ladies, you'll have to invent another strory. lol~~~

8 Tell him your're busy at the moment, and ask him for his home number so you can call him back. He'll try to give his office number, but insist on his home number. When he says he can't give his home number, ask him, "You don't want some funny stranger calling you up at home and disturbing you, is it?"

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