life is stupid and so are alot of poeple. People that purposely make themselves depressed piss me off. People who starve themselves because "they want to feel the pain and suffering", so, they get a BETTER understanding of the world. People that look for deep meaning in the simple things in life. People who are soo serious they've forgotten what laughter, happiness, and fun are. Those people can be shot. You're not Guandi..and EVEN he could SMILE while wasting away.

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I feel like I should write something meaningful and important here...But I'm not quite sure what to say. I feel like this should be of great moment, it should be mind blowing and awe-inspiring. it should wake the senses and let me feel how much I've grown. I should feel like a better person. But I really don't and I don't know how to deal with that. I feel so torn, so ripped apart. I feel lost and confused and complicated and everything I've posted here in the last month is how I've felt, but it's not all how I feel all the time and I don't want to stop writing how I feel in these moments... each entry is just a moment of feeling, a moment I feel this way, the next I feel another way. Some of them carry over and some of them don't. I'm not quite sure any of the stuff I have just written made any sense to anyone reading this..but oh well.

Things have really made me think alot lately...like, Michelle and Shawn. I never thought they'd break up. Granted they're back together...but...it's just wierd how things change so quickly, poeple grow up and apart and poeple wise up and realize there is more to life then they think. Poeple grow out of the idea that their first love isn't going to be their only love and their feelings for one person can change and they can feel the same thing for someone else. I cant seem to stop rambling...

I hate those moments when it feels like nothing will ever be okay. wonder why people trust other people... even when people mean what they say, it only matters in a moment and no one ever really cares about anyone else for more than moments at a time, so I'm wondering if maybe it's stupid to trust people, just fucking stupid to trust anyone.

I miss you so much! I want to see and talk to you so badly, I miss you so much right now it actually seems to ache at times...I love you baby.

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Take chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you. Say No. Spend all your cash. Fall in love. Get to know someone random. Be random. Say I Love You. Sing out loud. Laugh at a stupid joke. Cry. Get revenge. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Tell an asshole what you feel. Let someone know what they're missing. Stalk someone. Blackmail. Laugh til your stomach hurts. Live.

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I hadda denist appointment this morning and I was planning to go to school afterwards but my denist lady told me I shouldn't bother going to school cause Troy was getting out early...sooo...I just came home instead and I'm boooored.

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