i don't its just right now i feel so... i dn't know.. just like everything sucks but i know that it doesn't and i miss school and i really miss sean like alot becuase he always could make me laugh. i really did love sean. as a friend of course. i always will even if we don't talk next year. i feel like i wasted 8th grade. espesially with shane. i just can't handle home and ashley tells me to do the right thing for my life and make myslef happy but i just feel gulity every time i want to leave. ashley says that whenever im ready i should go live with her. i think i will when i turn 16. and ill live there for good. i've always wanted to be an eagle and im crying rightnow thinking that i won't graduate from there but i HAVE to leave this fucking house. i really do. I'm gonna apply to every fucking east caost college that i can and im gonna go to college and get a good job. my mother won't ruin my life with her guilt that she throws on me. its not right. im only 14. im supposed to be enjoy being young but how can i when ive had to grow up so fast? that night in january changed my life for the worst. its only gotten worst from there. i know that it doens't suck to be me and im postive which is weird but i knowthat things will get better. it won't always be like this. i know that it won't. i think that its time that i talk to my dad about this. i mean i start thinking if i lost him and i start to cry. he is my reason. he is the reason i am the way i am. he made me me and i love him alot. he is the sweetest and best man in the entire world. i think that its time that he helps me get out. or get him out. my mother is being so stupid about this. doesn't she see? he is only here becuase my mother buys the food.. my mother pays the bills. he just lives here for free. sometimes i know that my mother knows that. i mean she HAS to know that he just lives here because its free. i hate him. I HATE HIM SO MUCH. i know that hate is a strong word but this man deserves to die. i hate him so much. my mother is smarter then this i know. but she is just scared to be alone. scared that no one will love her. she needs help. mental help. she just doesn't realize that she is so awesom and wonderful without a man or boyfriend or even and dumb-fuck husband like jim. i hate him so much. and the she yells at me for yelling at jim. jim yells at her for me yelling at him. i hate it so much. i really shcould go to california. i should've stayed there this summer. and started high school there instead. i mean i would miss my friends but mostly my dad. thats why i would be scared to leave here. becuase i wouldn't have him. but id have ashley and she is the best sister ever so i guess that it would work out. my mom would hate me though. but i think that she would get over it. i also would be scared to go becuase i wouldn't be able to be in the choir... oh shit that would suck alot. i think that the summer i turn 16 im gonna start to live there. maybe ill go there in june and audition to be in choir then come back in july and spend my summer there and get a job and a car and then just be on my way.be happy and free from this stupid house. i hate it so much. but its nothing i can't handle

nothing ever is.

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Being 14 doesn't feel any different.... lol
ill write more when i have soething interesting to say.

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3 more days!!

I'm starting tennis this monday with megan.. I LOVE TENNIS ... alot...

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I'm gonna write about what it means to be 14...

1 year till i can have my permit
2 years till i can have a job
3 years till im a senior
4 years till i go to college

Very exciting stuff is gonna happen this year in high school.. i can FEEL it.. hehehe...

IM SO EXCITED
AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT
I'M ABOUT TO LOSE CONTROL
AND I THINK I LIKE IT

I played tennis this morning with megan. It was fun. I love tennis...


rock on dude

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I love birthdays!! Celebrating the birth of someone is such fun. heeheehee...

I'm so excited for school to start! I don't know why... I mean usually im excited but now im like SUPER excited... High school is gonna be kinda scaring but fun to. I mean there is gonna be like alot more people and so much more stuff to do and to be apart of... I'm gonna try to be apart of as much stuff as i can... I know for a fact that im gonna be in Concert Choir and tennis... but i really REALLY want to be on the dance team. my sister has friends on the dance team so im gonna ask her to help me and stuff. It would be so awesome to be on the dance team. i love to dance so i don't know why i wouldn't be on the team... I just gotta try really hard.

Tennis is so much fun! I really like to play... My dad is getting me lessons BUT HE NEEDS THE NUMBER KELSEY!! lol

Man i don't know why but im like obessed with clothes. Its like weird. I love clothes...

I have mental issues.
5 DAYS until my Birthday
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EDIT~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
kelsey i stole this from you. :)


1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:After beating through the strom-lashed strait off the tip of South America that still bears his name, he was slain by theinhabitanys of the Philippines. LOL gotta love history books.
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?: air..
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?: A yoga tape
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, what time is it?: 1:30
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 1:40
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? The radio
7: When did you last step outside? What were you doing?: abotu an hour ago.. i ate lunch with my baby sibilings outside..
9: What are you wearing?: green st. patricks day pj bottoms and a pink tank top
10: Did you dream last night? yeah... LOL it was funny to...
11: When did you last laugh? While i was eating lunch
12: What is on the walls of the room you are in? A mural of a rainbow and i sun and some grass... (daycare days... )
13: Seen anything weird lately?: i woke up and the clock said it was before 10...thats weird...
15: What is the last film you saw?: When harry met sally
16: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: i wsh that people were happy
17: Do you like to dance? yep. i lurve it

Sex: Female
Birthday: July 18, 1990 IT SOON FOLKS!!
Sign: a craby cancer..
Siblings: so many.,.. Ashley, Cecilee, Ryan, and Sierra
Who is your best friend(s)?: Megan kesley brittany and marisa.. and sometimes sean
Where is your favorite place to shop: american eagle, urban outsitters,zumiez,the bon...
Do you do drugs?: no
What kind of shampoo do you use?: dove
What are you most scared of?: spiders and being murdered...
Who is the last person that called you?: my mommmy
Where do you want to get married?: on the beach
How many buddies are online right now?: 15
Subjects in school: english and history and choir.
Animals: two dogs and 3 cats

H A V E | Y O U | E V E R
Given anyone a bath?: just my dog
Bungee jumped?: nope
Made yourself throw up?: nope
Skinny dipped?: heeheehee... yeah
Ever been in love?: i thoguht i was. but i wasn't
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: yeah
Cried when someone died?: no one that is really close to me died... WAIT i have an embarrassing story.. okay so i was like 7 or 8 when the Selena movie came out and i cried becuase in the movie she died... does that count?
Lied: NO!
Fallen for your best friend?: nope
Been rejected?:yeah most likey
Used someone?: i don't know i think.. probably
Done something you regret?: yep

L A S T | P E R S O N
hugged: don'tknow
You yelled at: don't know
You kissed: uhh my dad on the cheek
W H O | D O | Y O U | W A N N A
Kill?: don't know
Slap: ANONYMOUS
Get really wasted with?: don't know
Get high with? don't know

W H O
makes you laugh the most: my brother
Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: well... seeingugly people makes me want to throw up.. and that gives me a funny feeling
N U M B E R
Of times I have had my heart broken: i don't know
Of boys/girls I've REALLY kissed:carter....lol...and shane
Of things that I regret: alot of things

=RANDOM QUESTIONS=
What's on your bedside table? a lamp and a teddy bear and a book and a clock
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie? dont' know
If you could have plastic surgery, what would you get done? a nose job.. i have a fat little nose.. and A BOOB JOB jk..
What feature are you most insecure about? uh...
Are you a pyromaniac? sometimes..
Do you have too many love interests? haha... yes.
Do you know anyone famous? nope
Describe your bed:its a bed...
Spontaneous or plan? both
Do you know how to play poker? nope
What do you carry with you at all times? my head
How do you drive? i dont' know.
What do you miss most about being little? being able to run abround and sing at the top of my lungs and dance in front of everyone without caring
Are you happy with your given name? yep.. LINDSAY ALLYN JOAN BECK
How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year? alot
What color is your bedroom? all the colors of the rainbow!!
Talk a lot? yeah like all time
Consider yourself to be a nice person? yes. now SHOVE OFF BITCH

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Yay! I went to orientation and it looks like this year is gonna be GREAT!! I'm really excited..

I just got back from playing tennis with my sister so now im tired....

6 DAYS until my Brithday

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