i don't its just right now i feel so... i dn't know.. just like everything sucks but i know that it doesn't and i miss school and i really miss sean like alot becuase he always could make me laugh. i really did love sean. as a friend of course. i always will even if we don't talk next year. i feel like i wasted 8th grade. espesially with shane. i just can't handle home and ashley tells me to do the right thing for my life and make myslef happy but i just feel gulity every time i want to leave. ashley says that whenever im ready i should go live with her. i think i will when i turn 16. and ill live there for good. i've always wanted to be an eagle and im crying rightnow thinking that i won't graduate from there but i HAVE to leave this fucking house. i really do. I'm gonna apply to every fucking east caost college that i can and im gonna go to college and get a good job. my mother won't ruin my life with her guilt that she throws on me. its not right. im only 14. im supposed to be enjoy being young but how can i when ive had to grow up so fast? that night in january changed my life for the worst. its only gotten worst from there. i know that it doens't suck to be me and im postive which is weird but i knowthat things will get better. it won't always be like this. i know that it won't. i think that its time that i talk to my dad about this. i mean i start thinking if i lost him and i start to cry. he is my reason. he is the reason i am the way i am. he made me me and i love him alot. he is the sweetest and best man in the entire world. i think that its time that he helps me get out. or get him out. my mother is being so stupid about this. doesn't she see? he is only here becuase my mother buys the food.. my mother pays the bills. he just lives here for free. sometimes i know that my mother knows that. i mean she HAS to know that he just lives here because its free. i hate him. I HATE HIM SO MUCH. i know that hate is a strong word but this man deserves to die. i hate him so much. my mother is smarter then this i know. but she is just scared to be alone. scared that no one will love her. she needs help. mental help. she just doesn't realize that she is so awesom and wonderful without a man or boyfriend or even and dumb-fuck husband like jim. i hate him so much. and the she yells at me for yelling at jim. jim yells at her for me yelling at him. i hate it so much. i really shcould go to california. i should've stayed there this summer. and started high school there instead. i mean i would miss my friends but mostly my dad. thats why i would be scared to leave here. becuase i wouldn't have him. but id have ashley and she is the best sister ever so i guess that it would work out. my mom would hate me though. but i think that she would get over it. i also would be scared to go becuase i wouldn't be able to be in the choir... oh shit that would suck alot. i think that the summer i turn 16 im gonna start to live there. maybe ill go there in june and audition to be in choir then come back in july and spend my summer there and get a job and a car and then just be on my way.be happy and free from this stupid house. i hate it so much. but its nothing i can't handle

nothing ever is.

everything is gonna be alright everything is gonna be alright everything is gonna be alright be strong believe...How awesome is yellowcard? music is fun and has good lyrics to make me happy. and if moving to california and getting out of this place is what will make you happy then i say go for it.
» 2%milk on 2004-07-23 12:40:04

man... im gonna miss you so much. but i guess, if it means getting away from something that you can't stand, it would be good. because it would make you happy. and being happy is good! if you EVER need to talk or need anything, i'm here, okay? i love you very very very very very very very very very very much! and you better beleive it! because its not butter!... lol sorry. had to ad that. but yeah... love ya man, MY TENNIS BUDDY! :D
» itangowithtoasters on 2004-07-23 12:49:17

you didn't update in a long time
» Ajibalaji89 on 2004-08-26 09:25:03

=S
she did update but she deleted it...
» 2%milk on 2004-09-01 05:24:07

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