Stupid sites make me feel stupid. lol. Face battle and Hot Or Not! OMG. At Hot or I had a score of like 6.9 at one point and that's pretty okay, and then it dropped to a 4.2 which sucks ass. Then face battle :P blah. I hate the concept of everything in life is based on your looks.
Thats why I love Mike. He makes me fell so pretty. Like he tells me I'm beautiful. Then stupid ppl on TOD or HON or FB are like "shes so ugly". Cause Im not under 100 pounds, don't have blonde hair, and don't have blue eyes I'm not "pretty" in the worlds eyes. Well you know what.
The world sucks.

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Today was full of many and many pix. Jessica, Mike & I went to the james river and took 2 rolls of film and then we took another at my house and then finished up Jessica's roll at my house. We got 2 of them developed today and we're going tomorrow to get some more. When I get them on my computer I'll prolly put some on here. Wahoo.
Ok I'm going to go now case I have much to do.

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OK on my last entry, the last question was "what do you want to happen tomorrow?" and I said I want to be beautiful cause Mike is coming over and Jessica was all like "no what do you really want to happen?" And I started to type something and suddenly I was like "OMG! I know a song that is how I feel for Mike perfectly!!!!" So here it is.
Avril Lavigne: Things I'll Never Say
I’m tugging at my hair
I’m pulling at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I’m staring at my feet
My checks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head
(Cause) I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care

Wow. I really like Avril and her lyrics and this suddenly hit me and I was like "Jessica!!!! Turn off linkin park and bring me avril!" So I put it in and turned it to number 9 and was like "MIKE" wow. Yes. Ok. I'm done now.

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Basics....
:x: name = Brandie
:x: piercings = Bellybutton
:x: tattoos = none yet
:x: height = 5'4''
:x: shoe size = 9
:x: hair color = black
:x: length = to my shoulders (when its curled)
:x: siblings = 1 older brother. shane,28

LAST....
:x: movie you rented = 50 first dates (and never watched it)
:x: movie you bought = gothika
:x: song you listened to = Linkin Park- breaking the habit
:x: song that was stuck in your head = Jojo- Leave
:x: cd you listened to = Fallen- Evanescence
:x: person you've called = Mike
:x: person that's called you = Mike
:x: tv show you've watched = My So Called Life
:x: person you were thinking of = Mike

DO....
:x: you have a bf or gf = bf
:x: you have a crush on someone = yes. on my boyfriend.
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else= sometimes
:x: you think about suicide = i use to
:x: you believe in online dating = no
:x: others find you attractive = i guess
:x: you want more piercings = yes
:x: you drink = yes
:x: you do drugs = not anymore
:x: you smoke = not anymore
:x: you like cleaning = sometimes
:x: you like roller coasters = no
:x: you write in cursive or print = print

FOR OR AGAINST....
:x: using someone = against.
:x: suicide = sometimes i'm for it, but i wish i were against it. i'm getting better though.
:x: killing people = against.
:x: teenage smoking = its bad. i know. but i use to do it.
:x: premarital sex = i believe in sex if you're in love, when you're in love
:x: driving drunk = against.

FAVORITE....
:x: food = i hate food.
:x: song = homegrown: not alone // finch: letters to you // jasmionparker: dead to the world // linkin park- breaking the habit
:x: thing to do = walk in the rain, read, write, star gaze
:x: thing to talk about = depends on who i'm talking to
:x: sports = skateboarding
:x: drinks = water, sweet tea, koolaid
:x: clothes = level 27
:x: movies = nightmare before christmas, ever after, gothika, american beauty, white oleander
:x: holiday = halloween
:x: new nerdy saying = "my peepi will control you with its cuteness"

HAVE YOU...
:x: ever cried over a guy= yes. that bastard.
:x: ever lied to someone = yes.
:x: ever been in a fist fight = yes.
:x: ever been arrested = nope.

NUMBER...
:x: of times I have been in love? = 1
:x: of times I have had my heart broken? = 1
:x: of hearts I have broken? = i dunno.
:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = 2
:x: of people I consider my enemies? = 1
:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = 5 that i know of. 2 for chours concerts (solo parts) that were on tv, 2 for my beauty contest I won, and 1 for the precontest quotes.
:x: of scars on my body? = too many.
:x: of things in my past that I regret x: a lot.

FAVORITE...
:x: word = mwahaha
:x: nickname = angel
:x: guy name = brayden
:x: girl name = rayann
:x: eye color = brown
:x: flower = pink rose
:x: piercing = my bellybutton
:x: actress = thora birch
:x: actor = paul walker

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: pretty = no, but Mike says I can't say stuff like that
:x: funny = yes
:x: friendly = yes
:x: amusing = yes
:x: ugly = yes, but i'm not supposed to say stuff like that either
:x: loveable = yes
:x: pessimistic = I try not to be
:x: optimistic = I try to be
:x: caring = yes
:x: sweet = yes
:x: dorky = sometimes
:x: Spell your first name back wards x: eidnarb
:x: The story behind any sn or usernames you have x: KallMeAngel (cause my friends call me angel) // i.love.boys.n.iliner (cause I do love boys n eyeliner like billy martin & benji mnadden) // forbidden rose (bc im beautiful inside but ugly outside therefor to the world im forbidden)
:x: Where do you live? x: Lynchburg Va
:x: 4 words that sum you up x: short, sweet, cute, funny

DESCRIBE YOUR -
:x: Wallet x: it's rainbow and has a skull & cross bones with heart eyes
:x: Hairbrush x: its blue with a fairy brushing her blue hair and shes sitting on a mushroom and its glittery
:x: Toothbrush x: 1 is carebears the other is hello kitty
:x: Jewelry worn daily x: my silver ankh ring
:x: Pillow cover x: blue
:x: Blanket x: its waterlillys and flowers with a pink & blue sunset
:x: Sunglasses x: don't have any
:x: Shoes x: *this could take a while* 1) green & neon yellow with zippers, 2) clear highheels with a heart on them, 3) pink hightop converses, 4) black with white star new converses, 5) pink flop flops, 6) blue & white flip flops, 7) big black flip flops with skulls and studs, 8) my big brown ones 9) the black ones with no back that are hard to walk in, 10) my huge skinny black ones with stars through them, 11) white ones with little hearts, 12) happy bunny slippers 13) pink heart slippers, 14) brown sketcher boots
:x: Handbag/Purses/Bags x: 1) it looks like a black pleated skirt with a pink skull, 2) a black purse with a white skull & corssbones 3) my black "punk" tripp purse with my patches and buttons, 4) my hello kitty bag
:x: Favorite top x: my pink CBGBs shirt / my pink level 27 shirt
:x: What you are wearing now x: pink thong, gray shorts that Mike likes a lot *wonder why*, and a camo tank top I stole from jessica
:x: Hair x: up
:x: Make up x: none

WHO or WHAT -
:x: In my mouth x: the thought of a ring in it
:x: In my head x: mike
:x: Wishing x: Mike were here hanging out with us and that jessica would shave my legs for me =0) haha
:x: Talking to x: Jessica and I was talking to this guy named mike (not my bf a diff mike) but he kinda went away.
:x: Eating x: nothing
:x: Person you wish you could see right now x: mike
:x: Is next to you x: Jessica!!!!
:x: Something you're looking forward to in this up coming month x: Uh... i was going to say when Jessica comes to see me from GA, but its a day late for that so well my b-day is the 24th of this month so that I guess. I'll be legal!
:x: Something that you are deathly afraid of? Me getting attached to Mike cause hes so great then he suddenly changing his mind and not really wanting to be with me very long
:x: Do you like candles x: i use to have over 200 of them
:x: Do you like hot wax x: yes =0)
:x: Do you like incense x: no
:x: Do you believe in love x: sometimes
:x: Do you believe in soul mates x: yes
:x: Do you believe in love at first sight x: no
:x: Do you believe in forgiveness x: yes
:x: What do you want done with your body when you die x: i want to be cremated
:x: Who is your worst enemy? x: Porsha
:x: If you could have any animal for a pet x: penguin
:x: What is the latest you've ever stayed up x: i've been 3 days with no sleep
:x: Ever been to Belgium? x: nope
:x: Can you eat with chopsticks x: never tried
:x: What are some of your fave. pig out foods? i hate food, but when I'm with Jessica scooby-doo gummies, gummi bears, and popcorn!
:x: Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time? Well now that Jessica is here.. uh.. my brother is next in line.
:x: Something you want to make happen for tomorrow? I'm seeing Mike tomorrow, maybe I'll wake up beautiful =0)

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Today as we were watching monsters inc. (We being Jessica, Mike and I) I kinda looked down at my arm and remembered how yesterday Mike took my razor blades and threw them away so I could be a step closer to not cutting anymore. And I just felt bad cause a person we will refer to as "Art" said something that disturbed me a night ago. This is how the conversation went:
Art: how's the boyfriend
Me: wonderful
Art: He's good to you?
Me: very. He treats me like his queen. he really helps me out.
Art: So the cutting and depression thing is going well
Me: yuppers
Art: so he's like an angel for you
Me: very
Art: You don't deserve him
Me: Why not?
Art: You can be a real bitch and not consider how you make anyone else feel so why should you get someone to make you happy?
Me: Um. I think I need him, and I'm glad I have him.
Art: You need a lot of things. You're weak about stuff.
So I felt kinda bad today. I guess I let that get to me. So I went outside and sat and cried b/c I almost felt like since I told Mike yes I was pushing my problems over onto him. So he came out and sat with me and we talked about it. I told him straight out...
"I don't deserve you and I really don't need to be your g.f and give my problems to you"
He wasn't mad at me, but that someone had something to me to make me feel like this. So we talked and I mean we never broke up so it was nothing like that. It was me feeling bad over something some loser told me. He laid it out for me that he loved being with me and that he wanted to be with me cause I made him happy. He liked helping me cause he knew my life had been really bad and I was his top priority and me being happy. He explained I wasn't pushing my problems onto him, but opening up to let him help and together we ... not I... but we were going to overcome it. Together. So that made me feel better. He looked at me and was like "You're still my baby doll right?" I was so happy.
Then when Mike left Jessica came out and was like "You are so in love with him." I turned so red and covered my mouth and was like "NO!" and she just smiled and I was like "Maybe a little!" Then she smiled again and I was like "No! I'm not in love with him... I love him... no!" Yeah... uh... what? She knows nothing. I was just uh... well Mike had kissed me this wonderfully long good-bye kiss so I was like "wow" and Um... I'm so not even thinking right and I've lost my point now, so I'm just going to end this entry. Uh.. bye.
-Brandie & Jessica-

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Jessica and I got up around 11:30 today. We got ready and cleaned my room up a bit cause we had our clothes thrown everywhere from getting in at 6 am with no sleep all night. Then the coolest thing happened!!! My mom bought my a blues clues thinking chair!! It's like a mini thinking chair for a little kid, but I can still fit into it so she bought it for me and its in my room. Cool hu? I thought so.
Well Mike came over around noon-thirty and we all hung out. Jessa, Mike and I watched Invader Zim! The best show in the world!! *Room with a Moose* *Gir: Say moosey fate!!" lol I love Gir! *I'm going to sing the doom song!* Yeah. Anyway! Mike and I sat outside and talked while Jessica watched Monsters Inc. Mike and I came in for the last thirty minuets of it and Jessica laughed so hard. It was so cute, she's just like a kid.
Mike is so against having his pic taken, but Jessica and I so got him. Mwahahahaha! We are evilo! We all kind of hung out watching cartoons all day until around 7:30 when Mike had to leave to go to Hayden's to hang out. He's coming over tomorrow around noon.
So Jessica and I left for a walk at 7:40 and walked 3 miles!!! We walked from my house down to the bookstore then to the stadium (which is a mile and 1/2) then to 7/11 (another mile in its self) then to my cousins house, over to burger king, then back to my house (which is somewhere between 1/2 a mile to a mile.) Yes.
Now we are just kinda hanging out in my room listening to Lean Low and you know.. rap music. lol. Stuff Mike doesn't listen to so we avoid around him. haha. Anyway!
Yeah so tada! Thats my 3 mile day.

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