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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
starbucks drama
Sunday. 8.5.12 7:07 am
I am now in starbucks trying to unwind before I return to my home. However, I seemingly eavedropping a young couple's argument about not making decisions together and how the girl has forgotten how the guy has helped her so much during her troubled times. I could hear sniffing and there was no eye contact. The guy repeatedly saying she is no longer considerate of him and how she has changed. They were also arguing about money matters since the girl exploded that she will returned the money. The guy cooed 'of course... You now have money."

I looked askance to the couple and saw the girl hugging an original burberry bag. Trust me on branded stuffs, ok?

Their agument made me reminisce about my parents argument. It also brought back the pains I experienced during their fight. Although I was young at that time, I still felt the pain and agony as if I was one of the debaters. I was just an observer.

So much so, the pain never left but culminated in a thought or rather belief there is no such thing as love.

Despite witnessing my parent's marriage crumble as I grew up, I have spent half of life blaming them for what I am of today. However, as of now, I decided to let it go because it is too tiring to tie myself to this pole of unhappiness...

The guy lamented how much he spent on her like buying watch, bags and bla bla. And worse how much of energy he has spent on her.

The girl is crying heavily now, and I thought no matter how much he spent on her, I think he should really get her some tissue from the counter.

The suckest line he said to the girl was "do you remember how much my mother was against me to be with you?" It was your decision, guy. Do not put the blame on the girl.

The same goes to my father. It was his decision to have a family, so do not blurt how much he regrets of having me, my sister and marrying mother.

My friend reminded me again that even though I do not agree or became a victim due to my parents situation, I have to always remember that it was the best decision they can come up with at that time.

I feel I finally able to let go of my anger of my parents situation: nobody wants to be in the current situation where they no longer talk to each other. We are passing our days like strangers despite staying under the same roof.

So much of this drama, I believe in finding my own happy ending... one day.

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Funny ads
Tuesday. 7.31.12 9:02 pm

I like the cat the best.

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Saturday. 7.28.12 11:07 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Saturday. 7.28.12 10:53 am
The doctor finally made a diagnosis after performing a neurological test on me. I was tested on three areas: face, fingers and body.

The result for body came back abnormal. The doctor mentioned an illness name that is long and I seriously do not recall.

He added that my current condition is mild, but it may deteriorate. I have to do a ct scan to determine my current condition.

I was...quite devastated to hear the progression symptoms. I am suspected of having a weakness condition in the muscles. My nerves are apparently not able to receive messages effectively.

I am afraid for the worse.

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Sunday, July 22, 2012

I recently was thinking of a family member, and kept telling myself I was just scaring myself, because it is impossible he would be back this month ... or NOW.

I managed to push aside this thought and a week later, my mum confirmed the news that my father will be back for good.

Oh no.


My father never informed us what time and when exactly he will be back. I know it's weird, but my sister, mum and I were just told he will be back in two days time.


As I was playing around with my laptop yesterday and chatting with mizutama, I heard a voice whispering my father... And immediately I realised he will be back in a few hours.

Oh S***.

Fine. I pushed away that thought.

And three hours later ... he indeed came back.

Ugh. Hell breaks loose again in my family. Anyways, my mum is seeking legal advise to divorce. We have had enough of hell for the past 10 years.

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Last breath
Wednesday. 7.18.12 9:05 am
her last
- daylight

I was thinking how fast time flies. It is another year of anniversary of my friend's death.

It's been three years since I last wrote a haiku.

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