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Speak to My Finger
Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
so emotional now
Friday. 10.19.12 5:39 am
One year has passed since I went to Japan for the program. Today's date marked the anniversary of my gruelling pre-departure training.

I remember clearly that this day we practiced our dances, went through our discussion materials and last minute planning awaiting a dance teacher to teach us a 75 minutes performance.

And now my batch is creating a video for our juniors, and I am writing the captions. I found myself so emotional in writing those lines despite not knowing what pictures my team member will be selecting.

At the beginning, we have a lot of squabbles and misunderstanding, but after the trip, we become a family that we truly cherish. I have never shared this before, but given the nature of the content, it is appropriate to share.

During my tenure as assistant leader, I have had shed a lot of tears and braved heaps of challenges internally from my team. And every time I see them I wonder what they think of me. I had received complaints twice that I took my job too seriously and worse of all I never trusted my team members. It was very hurtful when likewise I felt I was treated with no trust, but each time I put on a smile bravely every time we had gathering, because I won't be defeated, because I cannot be defeated as a leader. Each strike I received I took it as a challenge.

And two days before we flew, god answered my curiosity. We were having the final round of sharing. It was something I don't look forward to, because I don't know what they will comment about me, and I knew one of them will highlight my high pitch tone during any of my excitement. And yes someone highlighted that.

I started off with team leader telling him he HAS to shine when the time comes and next is the hightlight of my pitch. Then someone said I should not be 'screaming' when I wanted to pass a message, which was why I said before I don't like my voice. I kept moving on to the next member with a lot of best wishes until I stopped at this female member. I don't really talk to her, except for hi and bye, and her words burnt into my memory.

"I always look forward to your closing speech, because it makes a lot of sense. I have a lot of respect for you."

That was the kindest word I have ever heard during my tenure. I clenched my knuckles to hold back my tears. I must have done something right.

During the trip, we still had some squabbles, but I did not involve or rather I was not allowed to participate in the team meetings knowing I tend to be too analytical or rather too perfectionist. But somehow I was glad that one of the members who complaint against me came to realise the reasons why sometimes me and other members were analytical, because we also simply want to make the event to go smoothly and a success, not like what she thought of me as some bitch crazy about power.

"At the beginning... We were strangers starting out an adventure of a lifetime. We were never told of what we will go through except we are fated to experience tears, joy and pain together in this time span...

The tears we shed were not sadness but of joy for having found a family and friend in you.

And here we are now, reunited once more, to close the chapter of our program adventure and to embark on a new life journey.

And here we are now, standing shoulder to shoulder, smiling together as family, and we shall always be..."
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