I received a friend request today on Facebook...from my grandmother. After several years of managing to keep myself under the radar when it came to family, they've finally caught up with me. I am at that point faced with a dilemma. I can either deny the add and pretend I never got it, I can censor my page to be "grandma friendly, or I can accept the add sure of the inevitability that we'll have the "Jennifer is an adult and will live her life as she sees fit" conversation. I chose option 3 with only change being that I moved my marital status from "married" to "engaged". Our families don't yet know we're married, so for now it's the safest bet for everyone involved. Eventually this will, I have no doubt, lead to questions about my status updates, comments my friends make, my spiritual path (that side of my family is devout Catholic), and the way I choose to run my household ("Jennifer, it can't be sanitary. Just use Clorox and Windex like the rest of us!"). In the days when I first started using Livejournal, I made a separate account as a decoy for family. It worked for a short time before I let it go fallow. I was more insecure in my identity then, and less sure that what I was doing was the right choice for me. I now have no regrets and no hesitation. I am no longer ashamed of who I am. If my family chooses to enter a forum of my life that's not their living rooms...they will get the truth. Don't ask questions to which you might not want the answers...and don't get a Facebook if you don't want to really get to know someone. Hi, my name is Jennifer, and I refuse to censor myself for the sake of family ignorance.

Categories: life [t], family [t], facebook [t], identity [t]

I know what you mean. I get really paranoid about that kind of stuff. Some of my relatives are my friends on facebook.
It's brave that you're letting them see you for who you really are and I hope to one day be able to add my family members without having to go and change my entire page.
» zachstabbedme on 2009-03-08 03:35:48

What I do is set up a friend group called "Limited Profile" and I restrict what they are able to see. So my aunts and uncles (and incidentally grade school teachers!) who have facebooked me cannot see ANY pictures of me going out, having fun, getting smashed, etc., nor can they see my wall (and the somewhat embarrassing things that others may write on it), but they can see my basic/school/work info and stuff like that. I feel like it gives me more peace of mind that way.

I want to believe that someday I'll be able to reveal this entire new side to the rest of my family, but there are things that they are better left in the dark about... at least, until I have someone I need to bring home to meet my parents... ;)
» ranor on 2009-03-08 04:53:09

I'm having the exact same dilemma, right now. It's such a strange decision to have to make, you know?
» Unicornasaurus on 2009-03-08 08:58:23

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