it's just really hard tp type with a low blood sugar...shakey, dizzy, no energy to fix the typos... itll take me forever too...so thissll be fun...

tonights sugar of choice...poptarts! i ran out of juice, and hard candys not cuttin it tonight...usually less fat = quicker, but oh well...

tonights protein of choice...vering from the usual peanut butter...cheese! i think this brick is technically chris', but we've got 2 bricks of pepper jack, so i don't think he'll mind...if he does, too bad...he can go in and get it...i tend to overtreat because i panic when its been a minute and im not all better...avg takes 5-10, so that gives me several minutes to overtreat and make myself sick...its been donwe..so i munch something sugar free, and protein or fat will help the last bit of sugar slow down and hhold on for a little longer to avoid crashin again in an hour...i really dont wanna wake up at 5 or 6am to do this all again...you're not helpin the diet, pop tarts!!

i hate wakin up like this...but at least this time there was no panic attack...the last few weeks my low symptoms have included panic attacks and quick, bright, floaters, which make me really nervous...for those of you new to the game, my mom went blind at the age of 22 (to be exact almost a whoe yr younger than i am now) from diabetic retinopathy while she was pregnant with me...as someone who enjoys my sight...and as a frickin photographer, this is the complication that actually scares the shit out of me...heart problems, neuropathy, dialysis i watched her deal with, and it never really terrified me...but they mentioned ONCE a few yrs ago that they were starting to see the slightest signs of leakage (rtinopathy is when the blood vessels in the eyes get thin, start to leak, and break, causing blindness as the retinas detatch) i freaked out and nearly ended up in the loony bin ( a talk for another day)...luckily, i improved my control a lot, and the damage wasn't too bad not to heal. it was the one thing that bothered me when i was pregnant...the heart things i could deal with, but suddenly losing my art work? unacceptable. so this panic attack, floaters thing...bothers me to say the least..and doesnt helpt he panic attack.

in the last few months ive really pulled in the reins and managed to get my sugars into severely improved control...i wasnt too badly over, but it was slipping, so i worked really hard to improve it...the only problem with that is that ive yet to peerfect the balance...so being ina normal range the rest of the day is usually followed (or preceeded) by a crash late night/early morning. i am not happy to be awake right now, but its starting to get better....and bed calls.

thanks for tolerating my shakey narrative.
gnight...and good cheese

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