A friend of mine and I have been talking about my Emerald situation... I don't think it's been helping, though. I'm still afraid of dozens of things. The worst part of it all, though, is that I'm afraid to think to hard about the general situation. I felt positively shitty a few nights ago when I read a single, mosty likely friendly comment, on her weblog because I pondered it for too long. As far as I'm concerned, digging a hole and hauling up would keep me from all of this and I could sit there, trying to remember all of the crazy things I've done, looking on them fondly, and then inevitably drowning when it rains and the hole fills with water. That's the problem with my plan. There's something else besides me and the hole. Emerald. I can't very well let the love I have drown me, I should be protecting it from the very same myself. That is to say, I feel like I should be doing something for her to make sure she's alright. I realize I've sort of been doing that anyway... but after that dream I had... I'm none too sure what I'd do if something were to happen, but I'm fairly certain my life would come to a halt. Not that it would have to slow very much. The entire world is spinning past my eyes. I can't say I'm not tired of it, but I've made the choice to be loyal to this cause and I'm not backing out of it. To be honest, I can't even really think of abandoning it.

So many people have tried to pull me out of this; to set me on a new track of sorts... Why can't people understand that I know I've fallen in love? Why can't they just see that I'm not kidding myself, that I've walked into my light, into her light? A light, a love, that warms me deep inside.

Categories: rant [t]

i do hang with ppl my age, its just that this guy is where i work. hes actually not supposed to be there. i work at a day care, and so yeah. i have this tendency to like guys who are usually a year, maybe two years younger than me, but this is the first! its so creepy!
» aznDOLLface on 2005-01-31 01:00:22

i do hang with ppl my age, its just that this guy is where i work. hes actually not supposed to be there. i work at a day care, and so yeah. i have this tendency to like guys who are usually a year, maybe two years younger than me, but this is the first! its so creepy!
» aznDOLLface on 2005-01-31 01:01:07

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.