I've had a question eating away at me all day since I thought of it. It came to me in first period and I spent nearly all day contemplating it. I even refused to seek out the person who could (and still can) answer my question quickly, for one reason or another. (Although it's mostly my shyness.) I asked a few of my closer friends about it and the only response I got can be generalized as, "Aw... How sweet." For some reason, I thought someone would say something worthwhile but, the more I think about it, I realize that school definitely isn't a place to go to ask people how to word a question... Now, for all of the people I've confused by writing that and not giving much detail, sorry, but I'm sure you can piece things together... With the exception of the question, that is.

Let's see, I had a whole bunch of people ask me to sign their yearbooks today... It was really annoying since I was trying to think, but I gave in and wrote things for people. When people asked to sign my yearbook, however, it wasn't fun explaining that I don't have one and I don't mean to get one. I don't know why people can't just accept that someone doesn't have a yearbook. I mean, if you really want me to remember you by a little saying you write with your name next to it, then fine - go get a sheet of paper and write whatever the hell you want on it and give it to me - but rest assured, if you hadn't made an impact on my life before that, it's not going to make a damn bit of difference to me. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be more concerned with my yearbook as a senior, since I know I'll never see some friends again.

In other news... I think it would be nice if someone would kill me and save everyone from what I am these days. I hate being the extra person that isn't really a part of any crowd. I hate being such an ass to my friends and family and everyone around me. I hate being my mundane, cookie-cutter, just-below-average self. I'm disturbed by what people are saying, but not necessarily about losing friends that I never had.

Well, so much for making myself feel better.

Later, DS
~ I haven't a hopeful lyric to voice today, it's been lost in contemplation.

dude. that third paragraph?
this is some kind of conspiracy. i totally know how you feel. hugs, man.
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