I sat outside today and felt a storm rolling in. They don't really roll in like they used to, at least not here. But I felt this sudden sense of understanding that I no longer cared for the way things are. Having limited resources and funds, change is very difficult to procure. I don't know why I stay. Don't be alarmed, I'm not going to do anything.... fatal. But I just wonder what is my point here. There are things I feel I cannot bear anymore, like I've finally reached my patience.

I hate the amount of deciete one sees constantly through put each day. Can you really trust anyone anymore? Yes, some. But for me very few. I am alone and pitifull. Very sad, oh my what a pitty pot! But I don't care. It may just be a phase, it may not. I just know that I feel very depleted, spent and tired. I don't want to try. But I make myself get up and do something in the day. Though there are moments when I laugh, they sure aren't caused by my boyfriend, whom I am beginning to despise very deeply.

I guess I just can't be pleased. But when I spend all day and night, week after week, month after month alone because I'm too needy and stupid to let go of my controlling tyrant boyfriend, I get a little crazy. And he wonders why I complain so much. He is the crazy one... My heart and mind both think I should run like hell! I swear we both hate each other. But then when it's time to go we both get sappy and cry and run right back.

How sick.... how sad.... how pathetic..... But hey, it's honestly me. Lonely pathetic fool...

On another note.......
can be a very painful, wasteful thing.. Even if it's fake.

Oh and by the way, new bird's name is Almond. But I still call it chicken...

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