AWWW this fast is hecka being painful its getting on my nerves but i remain strong!
lol i cant wait till this Sunday Rachel and i are going to a Chinese food place and eat orange chicken it will be great because its the best food in the world, lol, then we might go downtown and eat at the McDonald with the crazy black woman who screams about power meals to everyone in the world. Today is church day as well we are going to hang out with George maby and hecka destroy his life seriously he is such a douche i just want smack him in his face so we are ignoring him lol, jfc im so hungry bacon cheese burger bacon cheeseburger oh my god i want one of those so bad, yaaay only 3 days left so its all good but yhea my stomach at least isnt growling in front of my dyslexic shoe lace.
yhea, so that's it i hope church goes well.

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Rachel and i are fasting for a week it will be a misleading adventure already things like spaghetti and milky ways have shoved toward our future.
In these little odd hopes its a way to get closer to jesus.
Ive never had Jesus in my life before last year, and my feelings have operated completly differently, im still as secret as ever but not in the sense that it would be concidered a barrier.
I have had problems before, a lot of my memory is gone but i still am trying to look forward.
Its really hard sometimes honestly,
There is no more slitting wrists and its really taking a tole on my life.
Belief in something and then doing it are different things,
my body is yearning but my heart says for it to stop.
We shake and shrivel on endless terms.
I know we all can feel the train coming but some of us see the light and its too late, there's no turning back.
Unless your that lucky one, whom someone saw the train coming before you and stepped in, and you didn't realize who had actually saved you from you.
Bluntly as stated, we all live in this life to get away from it,
what else is there but faith?

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I hope we dont die tomorrow that would ruin the whole jesus thing...oh well

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Jesus Christ this fast is hecka painful
its only day 2!
I ate a cracker and started mumbling about how fat i was going to be
if i ate another one.
Ive been having these weird bolts though its like my body will convulse but i wont
physically move, its hecka creepy,
Rachel is loosing her hair i hope this dos'nt end disastrous
usually our brilliant ideas are never fulfilled and maby this will be the
chain to a new beginning hmm?
but its hurting like it does and then it dosnt after tomorrow we should be
fine because supposedly the pain is supposed to magically disappear.
Ajhfgfs i hope this dosnt end in failure.


We are marching with a cause
Destroy the chains and save the lost
Not abandoned not alone
Holy spirit take control...

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George is always trying to seem better then us through either self injury,drugs,intelligence or anything dude he is so retarded. Its this whole thing to when we say anything she has to prove it wrong even if she knows were right. he always fails though, i hope tomorrow goes well im going to church with Rachels parents and her tomorrow its hecka early ill probably die or something lol,George might hang out.
If im a danger to myself just think what i could do to you (otep)
JFC why is he so stupid i just wanna fucking smash him. I will destroy him mentally with Rachel help lol.

Everyone is the World is out to get everyone else
its like a disease, through all these self proclaimed horrors.
We could rise to be someone else
but loose ourselves just like everyone else?
Cant anyone else see the filth it never goes away, its always sitting their waiting to get noticed, just like us, nobody cares who we are only God whom people stick to destroy his belivers and curse him, there is so much shit here, we shouldnt live as a race anylonger we are all living like mice because the way we are formed in a city we cant possibly be warriors? We all have this idea on perfection, such as anorexia,those girls are so beautiful i wish they could see. Self mutilation is beautiful too (not to trigger)destroying and then building back our bodies the way we seem fit, how could it be like that?

WE are in a warhead.
We need to fight out

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Im going to church with Rachel soon it will be pretty epic, then we are eating orange chicken for the first time since our fast, and then we are going to my house and getting dressed as grunge hXc homless people and walking down roads downtown with signs that read "Keep your coins i want CHANGE" so it will work pretty well and people will probably explode at us it will be quite funny.

Then we are going to McDonalds with this crazzy black woman who screams about boys and girls and powermeals, and whatever she is like a black version of my sister lolol we will hecka lol in her face.

Crazzy crazzzy stuff today and at the end of the day we will probably die.

I will post after bye

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