listening to: Disturbed's "Believe" album.
mood: Uhhh, humorously confused. Does that make sense?

Okay, there's one person here who sorta knows some of this story already, but for clarification's sake I'll naturally share it with everyone.

So several months ago while on summer guard duty in Texas, my then girlfriend cheats on me with some dude she supposedly had only just met, from Chicago. Comes back home and denies it, though it's as obvious as the nose on your face. We get into it over things and I tell her I can't deal with someone who's gonna do shit like that to me. So I left.

Not days later she has the fucker down there with her, and is still telling me she cares about me. Yeah, it sure made it seem like it to me, but anyways... that little tad of drama went on for a while, and at this point I did still have some feelings left for her. So after she screwed around on the guy days after being "official" with him he disappeared for a while. She naturally looked to my shoulder to cry on. Whatever, being the type of guy I am and with feelings still, I stupidly listened. She let me think that maybe we could work things out, which I was ignorant to even go with, but hey... love does that t'ya I suppose. Then just as I felt better, the Chicago dude shows back up and I just turn and walk off again. After he returns, since I sadly work at the same place as the cheating whore... she parades him around in there several times a night, pretty much rubbing my face in it.

Then only after two months of knowing the fuck, she has the nerve to tell me she's getting married to him. Stupidity shown again. But anyway, at this point I tell her I don't want anything from her anymore, nor do I ever want to speak to her again. She agreed. So I began my ignoring of the dumb slut. Naturally though this wasn't the end after all...

So I'd told close friends and such that I just knew that since my birthday was soon (it was the 9th this month), that she would try to at least give me a birthday card. No one believed that she'd have that much nerve, but then again none of them knows her like I do either.

Anywho I took the 8th and 9th off 'cause of the birthday, and sure enough... on the night of the 9th I guess she went and bought a card and talked the assistant manager there that night into getting people to sign it. Not many who knew what was going on did, for the record. Having bought it though, she never had the guts to sign it herself. Then last night when I went in, a friend of mine came up to me and said that she had something for me, handed to her from "you know who." I rolled my eyes, took it and looked briefly, then ripped it up and put it on the ex's lunchbox. Naturally, I thought this would finally give her the idea...

I suppose when she discovered it later on, she took it out to the car and put it under my damn windshield wiper blade. Phew... I mean with that kinda stuff, my flat-out ignoring her existence, and even the telling her I wanted no contact in any form from her... I would think she would've caught on, or hoped so anyway. I do believe though, that she's too dull or stubborn to catch on, or give up one.

Leave it to me to pick the bonafide crazy-asses... I got the feeling it's gonna take quite a bit of time to shake this psycho from my life for good.

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listening to: Stone Temple Pilots
mood: blah

(Yay, first entry woo.)

Yep, I realize that title makes no sense whatsoever. Deal with it.

So like, I'd say that I just came to the realization that I overanalyze/overthink virtually everything... but that'd be a lie, as I've known it for quite some time. Now see, the thing is, I suppose at times this could be useful... though I've yet to discover these times. Mostly all it does is give me more of a headache and more annoyance and unnecessary stress. It's kinda like an STD for my brain. I wonder if I smacked myself over the head with a rubber mallet, if pus would shoot out my ears.

It's especially annoying when this kicks in on me when all signs point to a situation being alright. The cogs and wheels in my head start turnin' slowly, but quickly work their way into overdrive, blowing either minor things or things that aren't even there way out of proportion. Makes me all anxious, and just makes me feel bad in general.

Doesn't discriminate situations either, I tend to do this with nigh everything. You name the situation (within seriousness), and I've most likely overthought it if I've encountered it. I've done it badly enough at times that it's actually made me sick, which is about as fun as being kicked in the groin. Repeatedly.

On a side note... I also hate it when nervousness and anxiety causes me to not be myself, no matter how hard I try. Natch, I guess no one likes this I suppose, but it seems very prevalent in me. Makes it hard for me to share who I am with a potential partner. Admittedly not being great at the whole dating thing doesn't help this matter either...

Without going too deep into detail as to what triggered these thoughts... I will say that it stems from a date this past Thursday night that didn't go as smooth as I was hoping. The female involved in this situation, I've discussed this with already, and I've been assured everything's alright. But if for some crazy reason you'd wanna know more, I may share.

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