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password is "stolensexstory"
Wednesday. 7.30.08 11:11 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE SEX!!!
Friday. 7.11.08 9:13 pm
Sex is one of life’s most enjoyable physical pleasures, but did you know that it’s also great for your overall health? That’s right-sex has been found to help with conditions ranging from the common cold to high blood pressure. And although you’re not likely to come home from your next doctor’s appointment with a scribbled prescription for sex, it can be highly effective as a preventative measure and complementary treatment. Read on to find out what conditions you’re protecting yourself from every time you enjoy a roll in the hay.
  1. Depression: Without the help of researchers, just about anyone can agree that sex will make you feel good about yourself and just a bit more confident. But one researcher has said there’s a scientific explanation that goes a bit farther. Professor Gordon Gallop says that there’s an unknown chemical in semen that has an antidepressant effect on women.
  2. Pregnancy: Sex is both the cause and the cure for pregnancy. Women who are ready to induce labor often have sex to speed up the process, and research backs up this method. Semen contains prostaglandins, which help the cervix prepare to open, and orgasms produce oxytocin, which will help cause contractions.
  3. Headaches: Although sex can sometimes bring on a headache, it can cure them too. The tension release your body experiences during and after sex can ease restricted blood vessels in the brain.
  4. Menstrual cramps: Sex acts as an analgetic to relieve menstrual pain, primarily because of the relaxation and endorphins sex brings.
  5. Arthritis: In his book, “How to Treat Arthritis with Sex and Alcohol,” rheumatologist Carter V. Multz asserts that sex, as well as alcohol and other complementary treatments, can reduce pain, swelling, and inflammation associated with arthritis.
  6. Common cold: Manfred Schedlovski, a Swiss researcher from Zurich, asserts that sex has a positive effect on phagocytes, which are a part of the immune system that goes after alien bodies, like cold germs, and kills them. Phagocytes are increased signficantly during sex, and will often double after orgasm.
  7. Stress: Orgasms offer a great way to relax, and even nonorgasmic sex offers some relief. Dr. Joshua Golden asserts sex’s relaxation properties, as well as emotional benefits.
  8. Tooth decay: Kissing, as well as oral sex, encourages saliva production. This increase in saliva helps to wash food particles from your teeth, prevents plaque build-up, and helps lower decay-causing acid. Additionaly, seminal plasma has been shown to help prevent tooth decay.
  9. Erectile dysfunction: By exercising your Kegel muscles with frequent sex and delaying ejaculation, men can help strengthen muscles enough to help with minor erection problems.
  10. High blood pressure: Semen has been found to lower blood pressure in women. Specifically, swallowing semen can help ward off preeclampsia, which is a dangerously high blood pressure that sometimes occurs during pregnancy.
  11. Insomnia: Many people find that the relaxation they experience after sex helps them go to sleep.
  12. Prostate cancer: Men who ejaculate more frequently have been found to be at a lower risk of developing prostate cancer.
  13. Hangovers: Sex may not save your liver, but it will help you shake off a funk. Having sex will help boost your endorphins and oxytocins, which stimulate muscle contraction and help you avoid aggressiveness.
  14. Toxic system: Sex gets your blood pumping faster, which helps to rid the body of waste.
  15. Heart disease: Studies have shown that if men have sex twice a week or more, they tend to have a lower risk of heart attack. For women, increased levels of estrogen caused by sex help to protect against heart disease.
  16. Stubborn wounds: Studies have found that oxytocin, which is released during sex, can help wounds heal faster.
  17. Low energy: Sex increases energy through exercise and emotional well-being.
  18. Minor cognitive problems: Whenever you become sexually excited or have an orgasm, the hormone DHEA is released. DHEA has been found to improve cognition.
  19. Skin irritations: The sweat released during sex will cleanse your pores, helping to relieve rashes, blemishes, and other skin problems.
  20. Pain: Orgasm releases endorphins, which will alleviate pain for just about everything.
  21. Obesity: Although few doctors are likely to prescribe a sex diet, the fact is that sex is a form of exercise. Performing the act of sex requires physical activity that will burn calories and strengthen your heart. It’s an especially great exercise for those who have little motivation to get to the gym.
  22. Incontinence: Every time you have sex, you’re exercising your Kegel muscles, which are the same ones you use to stem the flow of urine.
  23. Weak bones and muscles: Sex brings on a boost of testosterone, which helps to make your bones and muscles strong.
  24. Semen allergy: Unfortunately, some women are allergic to their partner’s semen. However, along with other treatments, frequent sex has been found to work as an effective desensitization therapy for this allergy.
  25. Death: That’s right, sex can help ward off death for men. Professor Stuart Brody reports that men who orgasm twice a week are half as likely to die as those who only orgasm once a month.

So everybody, SEX is good! Go have some sex now.







OR Mew will screw you.

Take, for example, an OFFICIALLY LICENCED Pokemon stylus strap for the Nintendo DS, fashioned in such a way that shows how virile these creatures can be.



As soon as I saw him, I had to have him. This isn't some fleamarket knockoff. It's truly an intended accessory for the Nintendo DS released in Japan. They clearly goofed, and redesigned him for a safer second run after they went out. Check out Jupiter's website



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anal sex birth+ jokes
Friday. 6.27.08 7:50 pm
Big Bad Wolf told lil red riding hood lift ur top so i can suck ur tits. no, she said while lifting her skirt, eat me like the effin book says!



A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. the cat fell in and the rooster laughed. The cat said, a wet pussy always makes a cock happy


If u have sex 365 times a yr and u melted down all da condoms 2 make a tire what would u call it?
an effin goodyear!


Sex is like playing spades. If u don't have a good partner, u
better have a good hand.


Anal Sex and Birthing

by May Ling Su

As soon as my water broke, my midwife phoned in a suggestion: lovemaking. She said that lovemaking would stimulate my body to produce the hormone oxytocin, which brings on the labor contractions. But, she warned against vaginal intercourse at this point - after my water has broken, the baby is vulnerable to any bacteria that could be introduced from the birth canal.

So Jay and I stayed in bed, playing with each others’ bodies. We’d had anal sex throughout my pregnancy. I attribute my anal health to regular backdoor boning - no signs of hemorrhoids or constipation, two of the most common problems pregnant women experience.

Now at pre-labor, it seems that anal sex is once again the best thing for me. I reached for my favorite vibe, my clown-faced toy soldier, and held its head against my clit. Crouching on all fours, keeping my head high and my butt low, I purred to Jay, “Fuck my ass…”

He mounted from behind me, gently poking his rod into me, carefully hitting target, keeping it neatly in the hole, no sloppy slaps past my perenium wall, until we both came urgently, quivering into readiness for what was soon to come.

Contractions came gradually, growing in intensity as the night wore on. I stayed on all-fours throughout the night. Jay massaged my butt outward, helping me visualize my body opening up to let my baby out. Midwives arrived and quietly sat on the floor of our bedroom as Jay and I labored. After two hours of active labor, I was tired, my arms and thighs shaking from exhaustion.

My midwife suggested a change in position. I stood up from being on all-fours, and put my arms around Jay. When a contraction came upon me, I hugged him tight and he held my weight, my feet on tiptoes off the floor. I pushed harder than I ever have in my life.

“You are so beautiful!” he said in between contractions. Sweating, hot, shaking and scared, I waved him off, my mind still on the work ahead. We kept hugging tightly through more contractions. He said he could feel the baby kicking through my belly onto his stomach, pushing just as much as we are, the three of us doing our own unique birthing dance.

As the baby descended lower, and the pressure on my cunt became unbearable, my midwife suggested I get back on all-fours on the edge of the bed. Jay went back to spreading my ass cheeks, gaping my holes at every contraction. Soon I was face to face with my sweet little child, crying loudly underneath my breasts.


It’s now been two weeks since I gave birth. I am in love with my family - my amazing man, who supported me with the strength of his body and soul; and my beautiful child, who brings us so much joy!

I don’t have any tears, cuts or sutures. All that fucking in the past really prepared me for this. But I don’t feel like getting fucked in my cunt just yet. However, Jay and I have already had anal sex twice since I gave birth. I’ve had orgasms already, something I was worried about not having for months after childbirth. What a relief! Motherhood has not dulled my desire nor diminished my nature as a sexual being. Isn’t life grand?

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CYBER SEX TIPS (10 rules)
Tuesday. 6.17.08 11:10 am
The Ten Rules Of Cyber Sex:

1. Before becoming involved in any kind of cybersex, please make sure your spouse, boyfriend, kids, etc. are out of the room at the time, (preferably out of the house and not during a major holiday when your in-laws are also present or at a time when all your relatives are in attendance). It really gets difficult to explain the moaning and groaning, while the buzz of various "toys" can be heard.

2. For men, before you begin, please check that your modem protector is on, along with the splash guard for your keyboard. It will stop the future embarrassment of telling the computer technician that your keys are "stuck" and you have no idea why.

3. For women, no matter what you are truly wearing, such as: sweatpants, sweat shirt, torn bathrobe, slippers, t-shirt with stains on the front, bloomer underwear that could cover a car or be used for a parachute, always tell your potential cyber partner you are wearing a thong, garter belt with black stockings, and your best Wonderbra (the one that has everything pulled up so high your belly button is under your chin), and a pair of high heels. We don't want to destroy that myth that all women dress that way when we sit down at the computer (although I truly wear these things each and every time I sit in front of my computer, it does seem to cause a bit of a commotion at the office, - but I have certainly worked my way up the ranks in the company because of it). As for what the man should be wearing, we all know that they are all naked and wearing just a smile.

4. If the cyber begins to get very hot please refrain from straddling your monitor. There are many emergency room stories to be told if you get overly excited, not to mention the many years of therapy to get you to let go and not continue this sordid affair with your 15" screen.

5. If the cyber is not going well, please let the other person know in the best way you can. It is not very polite to tell them that you are doing your nails, have just made up your grocery list for the next month, shingled the house, pulled out one of your wisdom teeth because you were bored, would rather read the instructions on how to set the time on your VCR, checked your fridge to make sure the light still works when you open the door, and last but not least, stuck your tongue to an ice cube tray to stop the monotony.

6. When it really starts getting hot and heavy, please check your spelling before you send that embarrassing typo, i.e., oh baby, let me suck on those beautiful beasts of yours. I just love your hot, wet posse (although it does kinda put a western slant on Things - hmmmm, things could get interesting with boots and spurs though). Oh baby, you have such a big coke, (hope you got the supersized fries and burger with that). That's it baby, show me that beautiful clint, (go ahead, make my day), and the proverbial oh fork me hard!

7. Pay attention to what is going on. Please refrain from putting your "coke" in one place, when your cyberpartner had just typed that it was someplace else. If you have no clue as to where the cyber is going, ask to buy a vowel. If you are really lost and can't keep up, or you had a case of premature cybering, and really do not feel like typing for 3 days to satisfy your female counterpart, just pretend you got bumped off-line. That always works and at least she won't take it so personal. Please refrain from the excuse, "I have to let my dog out."

8. Once both cyberpartners have been satisfied, or faked satisfaction, (oh great, we now have the added pressure of faking cyber-orgasms too), at least say thank you. (Thank you can mean, thank God its over, or THANK YOU because you truly had a wonderful time.)

9. If it was a truly bad experience, do not feel pressured into ever having cybersex with this person again. When they ask for your email address, just give them the wrong one. If they begin to pester you, it's proper etiquette to just bump yourself off-line, or just say HUH? I never got your message. Nobody needs to suffer a really bad cyber twice.

10. Last but not least, remember that cybersex will not make you go blind, unless you keep all the lights out in the house while having it, watching the screen in the dark does make your eyes burn. Realize that you may be addicted if your real life partner walks by naked and you'd rather be typing with one hand and still trying to keep a steady rhythm going. Sex can be just as nice with a partner you know. And just for variety, when your right hand gets tired, try dating your left hand for something different.

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Rumsfield sex tips plus bad xanga cybering
Sunday. 6.8.08 7:17 pm
xanga messaging cybering 101: read from the bottom up



and 1 more thing 4 your eyezzz
Sex tips from Donald RUMSFELD:

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld: My friend told me you can't get pregnant if you have sex in a hot tub. Is that true?

--Diane Macdonald, Sioux City, Iowa

SECRETARY RUMSFELD: There is an awful lot of misinformation out there. Diane, the reality is that you can get pregnant if you have sex in a hot tub. Are hot tubs fun? Yes. Do hot tubs make you want to have sex? You bet. But anybody who believes that you can't get pregnant is simply uninformed, misinformed, or poorly informed, and does not belong in a hot tub.

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld: My husband and I have an active love life, and I'm generally satisfied, but sometimes I'd like him to go "down there."

--Kate Waterman, Enid, Oklahoma

SECRETARY RUMSFELD: Down where? I'm here to answer legitimate questions about sex in a frank and candid way, but I'm not doing this just to waste my time. Do you mean your belly button? Your knees? Your toes? Boca Raton? Argentina?

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld: My wife and I are happily married, but the spark seems to have gone out of our sex life. How can we spice it up?

--Harry Blumenthal, Bakersfield, California

SECRETARY RUMSFELD: There's no great mystery here, Harry. It can't be that hard to understand. You get in there, you do your job, you develop an exit strategy, and you get the heck out of there. That's the way sex works. Why does everything have to be so difficult?

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld: My wife wants me to talk dirty when we make love, but I've never been able to do it. Any advice?

--Joel Brennan, Syracuse, New York

SECRETARY RUMSFELD: Listen, anybody that can talk clean can talk dirty. Dirty talk is just like normal talk, except dirty. Your wife wants dirty talk, so give her dirty talk. Something like, "Those breasts are first-rate," or "I am going to give you a darned good orgasm," or, if she likes the rough stuff, "I'll tell you this, I am about to give you the business and I don't want to hear any guff about it."

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld: I keep reading about something called the G-spot, but I can't seem to find it. Can you tell me where it is?

--Elizabeth Kaplan, Tacoma, Washington

SECRETARY RUMSFELD: I could tell you. But I'm not inclined to.

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld: I'm think- ing about trying a threesome, but I don't know how to approach my girlfriend about it. Have you ever tried a threesome?

--Dave Barcott, Boulder, Colorado

SECRETARY RUMSFELD: Nice try, Dave. I can see what you're trying to do, but you're going to have to do better than that. Donald Rumsfeld is not going to be tricked into revealing something stupid about Donald Rumsfeld and Mrs. Donald Rumsfeld by such a question. If I answer, then someone will say, "Oh, goodness, the Rumsfelds are into threesomes," and then it gets repeated and picked up, and then suddenly everybody's talking about Donald Rumsfeld and Mrs. Donald Rumsfeld and threesomes, and that's not what this is about. That said, bring it up in a very loving way and let her choose the third party. Also, alcohol never hurts.

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld: If you have sex in a hot tub, can you get pregnant?

--Molly Chaplan, Toledo, Ohio

SECRETARY RUMSFELD: Good gosh. Okay, yes, yes, you can get pregnant from having sex in a hot tub. In fact, you can't not get pregnant from having sex in a hot tub, nor can you get pregnant without having sex in a hot tub. I hope I've answered your question, Molly.

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld: My husband has a problem with premature ejaculation. Is there something I could do to make him last longer?

--Ellen Shapiro, Knoxville, Tennessee

SECRETARY RUMSFELD: I'm just going to say this once. There is no such thing as premature ejaculation. There is ejaculation, and there is non-ejaculation. If your husband is ejaculating, then count your blessings. Congratulations, you just had sex. That's what men do--they ejaculate. All this business about, "Oh, henny penny, my husband is a premature ejaculator!" is just a lot of twaddle and claptrap. You say it enough and pretty soon, believe me, he won't be ejaculating at all.

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld: My boyfriend sometimes likes to put on makeup and dress in women's underpants when we make love. Should I be worried?

--Amanda Stein, St. Albans, Vermont

SECRETARY RUMSFELD: I am not an expert in this area, but I will refer this question to General Tommy Franks and have him get back to you.

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random at its bestest
Wednesday. 6.4.08 12:40 pm
Swedes have more and more animal sex

26.01.04 12:24

Animal sex is not illegal in Sweden, and every year between 200 and 300 pets are injured because of sexual assaults.

The estimate was presented by Svenska Veterinärforbundet, the Swedish veterinary organization, and it is now trying to make the authorities and the public more aware of animals’ suffering. The organization claim the problem has increased during the last couple of years, even if most people are unaware of it.

“We have seen an increase since 1999 when child pornography became illegal,” said Johan Beck-Friis. “It appears, in other words, as there are some people who have replaced children with animals. In both circumstances, it is sex with defenceless individuals.”

The injuries inflicted on animals after sexual assaults are of the same character of those children get. Beck-Friis said that the most common injuries are wounds on the sex organs and blisters.

Animal porn
The fact that animal sex is becoming an increasing problem can be indicated by the mere fact that there is an increasing selection of animal porn at video rentals and there an increasingly number of websites with animal pornography is surfacing.

No one knows for sure how many animals that are abused, but a British study from 2001 indicates that every 20th dog or cat that receives treatment at veterinaries, the injuries are not a result of a direct accident, but the animal has been inflicted the injury as a result of a sexual assault.

According to the Swedish paper Expressen, if the same estimate can be used in Sweden that will indicate that 200 to 300 dogs and cats every year are injured as a result of sexual assaults.

Not illegal
In contrast with most other countries, animal sex is not illegal in Sweden. It was decriminalized in 1944 in connection with the decriminalization of homosexual sex.



INCREASING PROBLEM:
Swedes have more and more animal sex

Av Øyvind Ludt og Carin Pettersson
26.01.04 12:24

Animal sex is not illegal in Sweden, and every year between 200 and 300 pets are injured because of sexual assaults.

The estimate was presented by Svenska Veterinärforbundet, the Swedish veterinary organization, and it is now trying to make the authorities and the public more aware of animals’ suffering. The organization claim the problem has increased during the last couple of years, even if most people are unaware of it.

“We have seen an increase since 1999 when child pornography became illegal,” said Johan Beck-Friis. “It appears, in other words, as there are some people who have replaced children with animals. In both circumstances, it is sex with defenceless individuals.”

The injuries inflicted on animals after sexual assaults are of the same character of those children get. Beck-Friis said that the most common injuries are wounds on the sex organs and blisters.

Animal porn
The fact that animal sex is becoming an increasing problem can be indicated by the mere fact that there is an increasing selection of animal porn at video rentals and there an increasingly number of websites with animal pornography is surfacing.

No one knows for sure how many animals that are abused, but a British study from 2001 indicates that every 20th dog or cat that receives treatment at veterinaries, the injuries are not a result of a direct accident, but the animal has been inflicted the injury as a result of a sexual assault.

According to the Swedish paper Expressen, if the same estimate can be used in Sweden that will indicate that 200 to 300 dogs and cats every year are injured as a result of sexual assaults.

Not illegal
In contrast with most other countries, animal sex is not illegal in Sweden. It was decriminalized in 1944 in connection with the decriminalization of homosexual sex.



But U know, I had no idea some parts of the world were so UNEDUCATED about sex, WOW!!!



Hong Kong couples 'don't know how to make babies'

July 6, 2005

Hong Kong - Growing numbers of young Hong Kong couples are seeking professional help because they do not know the basics about how to make babies, a news report said on Sunday.

Sex education in the territory is so poor that many young married couples are ignorant of the basic facts of life, according to the Family Planning Association.

Grace Wong, who runs the association's fertility service, told the Sunday Morning Post: "Some married couples are not familiar with their body parts. They don't know where their sex organs are."

You could be here

Others, she said, "do not know the physical changes associated with sexual response, like males having erections".

Sexologist Professor Emil Ng told the newspaper: "Current sex education rarely touches on sexual techniques. If touched on, it is not detailed enough to be useful."

Couples who do know the facts of life often have trouble with sex because they regard it as "dirty", said Wong who has seen the number of couples seeking help rise by 50 per cent in the past year.

People in Hong Kong, a former British colony with a population of 6.8 million, are renowned for being conservative in their attitudes to sex. A high percentage of women are virgins when they marry.

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