mood: happy/in pain~does that make sense??
listening to: Maroon 5-Sunday Morning

Oy vey!

so i thought the extra pain was just from the probe but now that it's out the pain's still there. My mom says it's probably just irritation from the surgery yesterday but it's still anooying. but, i think it's worth the pain just cause if all goes well then on Friday they'll finally be able to tell me what's wrong with me and then they can do something to make it go away or at least lessen some of the pain.

and marie got grounded which is really sad but it's also really good cause it means i get all her solo parts in Les Mis lol. I feel bad for her but, uh, yeah, i'm excited to have more stuff to sing!

I'm glad i went to school today after getting out of the hospital this morning. At first i really didn't want to cause i still feel pretty crappy and all, but i figure i'm gonna feel this way for a while so i might as well just suck it up and move on with my life. Plus i would've felt bad about missing play rehearsal today since i missed one yesterday.

Alright, well i'm off to do about a million tons of makeup homework that must all be done before tomorrow... yikes!

20 bucks says i do *maybe* a quarter of it lol.

~Luff~Fraulein Yvonne~

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listening to: Maroon 5~Shiver
mood: thoughtful

So I've been thinking, and I've realized I can't wait to get out of my house. I'm sick of everything I say, however nice the intent, being used as incriminating evidence against me. I only want to please and all I ever do is start arguments. And I'm really bad with conflict. I start hyperventilating and stuff. So i just can't wait to get out and be on my own, just somewhere i can live without my parents being there every two seconds of every day. I've reached the point where I really just want to be able to do my own thing and solve my own problems without anyone else trying to get involved. I just want some 'me' time to figure things out and discover myself and who i am and where i want to go with my life. Cause once I'm out of college I'm going to have to have my act together and I can't do that if I'm still living under my parents rule and letting them make decisions for me. I need to make decisions for myself. Cause I want to go places. I want to make a difference in the world in some way or another, I just don't know how yet. But that's why I need some time to myself to figure it out. And once I can sort it all out, even if I end up not making a significant difference in the world (although i really want to) I'll at least have made a difference in myself. I've known all along that I can stand on my own two feet, but no-one else believes me. So this is my chance to prove them wrong. I am strong enough to do this. And if i can get through four years without my parents breathing down my back, then I might finally be allowed to think for myself. Maybe it sounds harsh, i dunno. But I know it's what I have to do. So don't be surprised in a year when you find out I'm not gonna be sticking around unless i'm forced. It's time for me to put myself out there and be me. Or at least to figure out what "being me" even means.

~Luff~Fraulein Yvonne

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so Christian is great and i'm really glad i met him.

but oh man.... i never realized till tonight how bad i wanted this... and still want it. not until i knew i couldn't have it... and now i know i never will... fucking silver... dammit we deserved more... hell I deserved more.... i put my soul into this. I know i have one more yr.. but the ppl next year aren't as good.. it was now or never.. and i guess now it's gonna be never.

and now my parents are pissed at me too. but they don't even know what they're talking about. fuck. not like it matters, cause of course it's not possible for them to be wrong. aw shit.

sorry this is such a pissy entry...
it's just. it's just all fucked up right now.

~Fraulein Yvonne

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THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | Growing Up
02 | Being alone
03 | My parents
---------------------------------------------------
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | Micaela
02 | Me (heehee you can’t help but laugh at me sometimes)
03 | tenacious d/spinal tap/the fab five
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | my friends and my faith
02 | art (in any form-visual or performing)
03 | the disney channel :-P
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | ignorance/immaturity(the drama-queen sort)
02 | sadness (in myself and others)
03 | smoking
--------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | immaturity (the drama-queen sort)
02 | hatred and unkindness (towards other people)
03 | bikinis
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | Kodak picture CD
02 | my colored pencils
03 | carmex (it goes everywhere I do)
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | filling out a survey
02 | watching a hockey game
03 | pondering if I should do a 500-pc puzzle instead of my homework
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | see the Northern lights
02 | go to Germany
03 | do something/invent something/contribute something to make the world a better place
---------------------------------------------------

THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | sing/play piano~musical stuff
02 | be the best friend I can be
03 | dress myself
---------------------------------------------------
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | compassionate/loving
02 | extroverted/fun-loving
03 | soulful/spiritual
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | scale the Eiffel tower
02 | hate people
03 | pee standing up
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | Nickel Creek
02 | Ben Kweller
03 | Jump, Little Children
~also – your heart
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
01 | peer pressure
02 | the weather channel
03 | your feet
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | oh my gosh!/I know-me too!
02 | aaah! (or some other sort of squeaking/weird screaming noise)
03 | I also laugh a lot
---------------------------------------------------
THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | Tomato and mozzarella insalata
02 | mac and cheese
03 | wedge salad
---------------------------------------------------
THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | water
02 | milk
03 | cranberry juice
---------------------------------------------------
THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | salute your shorts
02 | lambchop’s play-along
03 | annnything on the Disney channel
---------------------------------------------------
RANDOM QUESTIONS:
1 | Spell your name backwards: ynaffit
2 | How did you get your nutang name?: my name in german class
3 | Are you homosexual?: weeeel.. lol. Nope I yike meeen. :-P

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mood: oy vey!
listening to: daniel bedingfield
watching: Gilmore Girls



Okay, just got back from my weekend in NY with my mom and oh man it was AMAZING, from lots and lots of shopping to this wicked sweet jazz club where i saw the most incredible jazz group i have ever seen, they were just soo insanely awesome!!!!
ooh, also found out i didn't get a part in Les Mis but that's okay i wasn't expecting it anyways. Although I'm a little ticked that he already started rehearsals cause how was i supposed to know? i mean, he was still holding auditions on Friday so there was no time for him to post anything. Weeeeod, man. Just plain weod.
But ooooh man NY was so much fun! I'm worried for my best bud Sam though. Her dog of like, forever, was just put down yesterday. I've known her for about 7 years now, so i have a lot of memories with that dog, too. Heck, I was tearing up and really upset about it... i really hope she'll be okay. I mean, i guess i know she will be in the end.. but still, she's got family stuff going on right now too and this was just not good timing for her.
Anywho, for the most part a really good weekend, and now it's back to reading for lit and history and cleaning my room and all that other fun stuff that comes with vacation when you're me. but i am looking forward to the lock-in friday night which should be sweet. I just hope all the cute guys are going! lol ~ one-track mind.. can ya tell? hahaha.
~Luff~Fraulein Yvonne~

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mood: in pain!
listening to: Sweet Honey in the Rock

Yikes, Valentine's day is getting nearer and nearer and again i find myself lamenting the lack of any sort of significant other. Perhaps i wouldn't mind so much if i hadn't been with Dan this time last year. Gosh darned it all. I need a man. And yet all the ones at my school are so not worth it. They're either jerks or they're taken. And since Dan i've kinda made it a point to stay away from long-distance relationships.

In other news, my stomach is driving me crazy! Today i spent all of AP US laying down in the Nurse cause it hurt so bad i wanted to cry. I really don't want to have to wait a whole month just to figure out what's wrong with me.

In happier news, I went to Target yesterday and bought a really sweet skirt. Gotta love that store.

Okay, well i have lots of reading to do tonight so i'd best be off. TTFN!

~Luff~Fraulein Yvonne~

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