We love our church.
That's important.
Even more important?
Loving God.

Do we love God more than anything?
More than each other even?

There was a time I would've said "Yes"
without hesitation.
Now, not so sure of my footing.

God hasn't moved
not one inch
He's still as close to me as ever.
So, it must be me.

Hmm...what can I do to change that?
I have to learn to love Him again.
Fully and deeply, not just on the surface.

How do I learn to love Him this way?
By getting to know him again,
reading His word.
Making it stick in my mind and heart.
By being thankful for everything, for every situation.
Even when I don't understand.
By talking with Him, opening my heart.
And, by being willing to give up my feeble little plans.
His are always better in the end.
It is the middle part that can be scary.

But, when we are truly in love with God,
it's all worth it.

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causing a commotion
you fill my mind
moments with you
always are kind

my heart still skips a beat
when I'm with you
this love's so sweet.

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once i called her
my best friend
apart we grew
we mesh again

learning all
of her i can
her thoughts, her dreams
her hopes, her plans.

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mood: moody

with wite out
she erases me
from her life
anger and pride
blinding her eyes

each action speaks
with careful intent
to gouge my heart

she says forgiveness
will never be mine
slowly i believe her

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mood: sad

isn't it true
she should be mine?
i would be the one - all smiles
all tears
all hopeful?
why is it
that she is yours?
did you do something special
to please God more?
no, it's not about that.
i know.
still it feels so unfair.

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Too easy to think of should have's
wish I could's, and hope there'll be's.
Every time I escape into yesterday
or dream of tomorrow
I leave today --
like leaving a boat unmanned.
Where will it drift while I am away?
And, how is it fair to forgo the moments I have right now...
just to wish them back tomorrow?

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