Let Me Guide You

My boyfriend is seriously the master manipulator of phone conversations. Even if I call him, he can have the thing wrapped up in under five minutes.

Take today for example. He didn�t call me last night like he had said he would, so I called him around noon to see what was up and subtly let him know that I wasn�t thrilled by his etiquette. The second we had exchanged greetings, he took off talking, all about what he was going to be doing that day and how much he wished I could be there but that I should probably spend the day studying for my finals so we could spend all day Sunday together. I tried to ask him about the funeral he went to yesterday but he said we could talk about it later, and before I knew it, we were saying goodbye.

I think he knows he�s in trouble.

The thing is, he wouldn�t be in trouble if he would just STOP DOING THAT!!

I have needs. They are simple, and few.

1. I need a good night�s sleep. Not every day, but most days. Five out of seven, I�d say. Since I usually sleep very deeply, you needn�t worry about making noise if you need something from the bedroom or waking me up with your alarm. However, if you force me to push back my bedtime, be prepared to feel my fiery wrath.

2. I need to eat at regular intervals. If I am hungry, I am not going to be able to focus on the words coming out of your mouth, nor do whatever it is you want me to do. Let me have a snack, wait ten more minutes, then fire away.

3. I need affirmation in my relationships. I only need to connect every week or so with my parents and my best friend, because I am very secure with those relationships. I need to connect with my roommate several times a day because we share the same small space, and have to be really in-tune to each other to avoid pissing each other off. You, dear boyfriend, are only required to connect with me once a day. If you are busy, in a bad mood, not feeling chatty, etc., all you need to do is let me know, then tell me when I can expect to be able to talk to you. More importantly, when I come back to talk to you, you had damn well be ready to pay attention to me. Why? Because you are very important to me, and I hope I�m important to you. When I don�t see you, I need to hear your voice. When I can�t hear your voice, I need some other sign that you�re alive, like a text or an IM, singing telegram, smoke signal, ANYTHING. I assure you, I�m not picky.

I don�t think these are unreasonable demands. If they are, please let me know. I am open to negotiation, but not capitulation. Animal, vegetable, mineral, here this: if you interfere with my needs, I will confront you about it.

Now, back to the matter at hand. What am I to do about T Squared? I�m going to try and call him back around six pm when I don�t expect him to be busy. Then I�m going to ask him if he�s busy and let him know that I want to have a talk, so he has an escape route if he is in fact busy, or just doesn�t want to deal with me. If he�s ready to talk great, if not, I�m going to be absolutely firm about setting down a time to talk before I hang up.

Then I�m going to try and delicately explain need number three.

Wish me luck.

Wow. I wish I had mad phone-conversation-ending skills like that.
» randomjunk on 2008-03-08 04:35:49

Ugh. I hate phone conversations, personally. If I'm just going to sit and rabble about nothing in particular, I'd rather be doing other things. Let me try and explain this from a male point of view.

Our gender simply cannot multitask. I thought I was an exception to the stereotype, but too frequently I'm being proven otherwise. When we talk on the phone, we require a large amount of brain capacity to maintain a conversation. Inferring that most conversations last between 20-30 minutes, that's 20-30 minutes of us laying there talking about (usually) nothing in particular. To say it plainly, it's just boring.

Me and Brittany used to talk on the phone endlessly, but I know everything about her now. There's just no need for extensive conversations anymore...and I do talk to her often on the phone, but not always happily -_- But we've talked about this and sorted out the problem. And it's not like I never to get talk to her...I go to school with her for crying out loud. But I'm sure the situation is different for you.

"If you are busy, in a bad mood, not feeling chatty, etc., all you need to do is let me know, then tell me when I can expect to be able to talk to you." Ahh, yes, but the problem is we don't believe you. Brittany has tried extensively to convince me that she's 100% ok with me "not wanting to talk," but there's that sneaking feeling that tells me she's not very happy with me. And we don't WANT to make you unhappy....so it starts feeling like a lose-lose, and we end up trying to avoid starting the conversation at all.

I don't know, these have been the feelings I've experienced with my girlfriend in regards to phone convos. Hopefully it can provide slight insight into the troubles of the male mind....
» The-Muffin-Man on 2008-03-10 05:21:09

Yes
I've decided. I'm on the phone with my girlfriend as we speak, bored out of my mind because we are talking about NOTHING in particular while continues to talk, apparently oblivious to my lack of contribution to the conversation. I mean once you get past the point of discussing important things like "how was your day," the conversation dissolves into nothing and the male just wants to leave.

Well that was more of a catharsis for me more than anything else lol, thanks for letting your page be there for my venting
» The-Muffin-Man on 2008-03-11 02:20:44

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