So tonight I hung out with Amber, Ash, and that guy I sort of maybe like. It was fun.. we didnt talk too much, which was good I think. Ash and Amb know I like him.. well (they just say I do but I really dont know for sure, I swear) and so... when Amber was taking me home he wanted to come with for some reason, and they made me get in the back w/ him, and earlier Ash pushed him into me. Silly things like that. and for the first time, I DIDNT MIND them doing that stuff. wah. what is this world coming to.. I thought I was done w/ guys.. and for the record.. I still am.... I dont think hed ever look at me that way first of all.. and second of all.. just.. I dunno, but boy hes so cute. and hey, we listen to the same radio station. but im currently going crazy

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Nothings really too knew since yesterday. I woke up at the usual time.. around noon. my ear actually doesnt burn at all now... but if it gets touched, then it hurts a lot. its also swollen. wow. the things i do just to get big holes in my ears... ehh not really... i make it sound more complicated than it really is. I might go to 00g's. not too sure, for two reasons. 1. work probably wouldnt let me wear them.. im not even sure if theyll let me wear my 0gs.. its a risk i took, and also itd hurt so bad. I think the farther you go up, the more it hurts.. I cant even imagine.. well.. yeah I can...

Its kind of cool because nobody, but maybe one or two people I know, know about this journal, so I kind of feel like I can say whatever. so I am going to. It's about guys. I still dont really understand them. I told Amb i think her one friend is cute, and shes like "wanna get hooked up?!" and I'm like "der.. I dunno!" I definitely want to get to know him. We talked last night for 2 hours. But I dont think he'd ever like me. And I was doing so good... the whole "dont think, dont look, dont anything about guys" I dont know. I hate it because I am so into this whole fate deal, yeah, surprisingly still, and sometimes I just feel like I meet certain people for a reason, but I usually take the reason way out of proportion. I dont mind liking this guy, but it upsets me because I dont need to get stressed out, and my esteem is down as it is.. Argggh. Why cant thing with guys just go right for ONCE with me. I've had a couple good relatonships in the past. I only regret one, and that was tim. All my other boyfriends and I had atleast ONE thing in common, but him and I didnt, and he caused me the most pain and anger, well besides Andrew (the older one), so... yeah.

blah blah blah. Sometimes I wish I was just one of those girls who just studied all the time, and did her work, but I dont even have that going for me because I am nowhere near smart. at all. Amber made a comment to me afew weeks ago in the car how atleast I figured out who I am, and what I want, but to tell you the truth, I have NO IDEA who I am or where I want to be going. I know i want to be around music, but lets be realistic here.. I dont play anything, I cant sing, I can write decently, but also.. it just takes luck, which I've never had. I dont know. I'm so confused.. and this being senior year.. I'm sure the confusions only going to get worse...

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So.. my mom and I ended up NOT seeing seabiscuit. we didnt even go out. hrmph. well. we did go and visit meg and amber at the bean. but thats like a daily thing i do.... bah. also, my one tunnel wont go in my ear, and it hurts too bad to even play around with it. ide rather just keep my taper in for a week cause this ear is so much worse than my other.. but work would have a fricken cow.. garr....

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Nice title, isnt it? Not really.. its just that song, "Finish Line" by Yellowcard is in my head, and thats part of it. Anyway.. not much has been happening lately. I worked yesterday for 8 hours and it wasnt too bad. PJ, Amanda, and Vicki are so awesome. I love them. Now Emily.. I dont think I can grow to love her. Maybe if she wasnt such a biatch to me then I wouldnt be such a biatch to her, you know? Actually.. I mind my own business, shes the one who has the problems.

Anyway, besides that... hum hum.. I have today and tomorrow off, and I have spent my time basically.... watching movies: blue crush, pretty in pink, etc. i love pretty in pink, and blue crush was pretty good. Besides watching movies I have stretched my holes to 0's. both of them. "Applause, Applause, Applause" This was my goal, and I am satisfied, but not completely. I only have the tunnel in the one ear, the other ear has the taper in which I only did maybe 2 hours ago. It still really burns, but oh well. thats how i was for awhile.. haha.. ner...

so tonight my mom, kelly (maybe) and i are going to see seabiscuit it looks pretty good actually. I have no fascination with horses at all, but tobey maguire kicks ass on the screen. Besides that.. nothings on my agenda. ever. Tomorrow hopefully warren and I could FINALLY hang out, but who knows...its like we never can cause something comes up w/ him or me.. bah.. and thats all : )

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So.... I have to remember to update this beautiful online thing heresy. Or something. so tonight was alright. Saw that pirate movie. Wasnt bad... but I have seen better. OOHH! bet that made everyone mad. nah.. it was good.. i just dont see what the hype is all about. Johnny depp is cute, but I dont think him and Orlando bloom had a good chemistry on the camera together. Nor did Orlando and that chick. Neh. just my opinion though

I also realized tonight that my pair of dickies that are my tan cords are too big on me. i dont know what happened. i like them though. they go awfully well with my studded belt. I own way too many belts. My next thing to get is a finch belt. or atleast the buckle, and I have a belt to put it on >=)

lets see.. what else. oh tomorrow i go into work again. 8am to 4pm. a nice long 8 hour shift, but i sort of hope i can go home earlier than that. i dont know. I'm way too lazy, and I've had off for too long. its going to be a shocker tomorrow waking up at like 7am for work... i just hope it isnt busy.

and thats all.... and as far as guys. i cant stand them right now =/ i dont think i am ever going to find that "one" guy. most of my guy friends arent even similar to me. I dont mean the "one" to live with and marry, but just for right now. and I dont mind being single, but just as far as a normal guy friend to just hang out with. I dont think he even exists anymore. Its like me and my guy friends all went on strike from each other. I dunno. well, the end.

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So... yesterday was a weird, but good, but bad day.

bad- warren and i didnt get to hang out. i went mini-golfing w/ my bro, kel, dan, and her mom, but didnt have a good time. her mom was so.. i dont know. she was nice, but just so... jfgkgkjg, u know? and i guess dan is stretching his ears, so his mom wanted to see my hole. and i HATE taking out my tunnels cause you have to screw them back on, and I just didnt feel like doing it, but she was like MAKING me.. she wouldnt leave it alone, so I did. pissed me off.

anyway.. other bad things were my grandma might of had a mini-stroke, my mom and i got into a huge argument, like always. etc etc.

good things- i bought a shirt offline that i love for 8 bucks, i bought a belt at the mall that i love. warren called me at the mall. my bro DID invite me to do something with him. he paid for my meal at the cocoa grille. . .

sigh.. then last night got worst because julian and i finally talked. see i was really mad at him for for firstly, getting wasted with that awful person andrew (i have my reasons, ok?) and then writing on my xanga that nate from finch is an emofag. he of all people knows how i am mentally, and how i get personal with that sort of things. by accident, i DID call him dumb for getting wasted, and he turned it back on me, and was like "well whats a fun thing you like to do?" and im like "uh.. mall?" and hes like "YOU HORRIBLE PERSON?! THE MALL?!" and he just pissed me off more because he was making his point which i think was just childish really. I'm sorry, but if getting wasted and getting high is fun i think it is dumb, and i think in some aspect i have a way to say that. and atleast the mall isnt illegal. BUT then he goes on to tell how speeding is illegal and how downloading music files is illegal. he just pissed me off more on an ever HIGHER level. i love the kid. at one point, he was like one of my bestfriends, and we actually opened up to each other, but lately.. i feel like i dont even know him anymore.

hrmph.. besides that... tomorrow i will be a working girl again. no more vacation for amanda. and thursday-sunday i get to work with megan the whole time! i am excited! =) its not like i have a life to lead now besides just working all the time so i mind as well ask for as many hours as possible.

the end.

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