Books I have completed reading since January 2021:
1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Friends and Enemies
Akatsuki: Nightmares & Dreamscapes
-beats in my head-
Chika-Chin's Anime Mania!
empty white space
In My World
My Blah blah Bulogu
My Little World
Sdovelly~ c'est la vie
Serene's Silent Secrets
Shuffle and Repear
Tolanic's Travel Blog
This is Bye?
Sunday. 5.14.17 11:04 am
I have, again, spoken to this friend despite receiving thorns in his sentences in August 2016. And I feel this time is no difference. Another thorn in the sentence. Is it necessary, dude? Thank god I didn't share my current line-up activities with you. You are surely going to hit me with a storm of thorns and I certainly don't need some sarcasm from you.
We were just chatting the usual topic like how's life and what's up. He asked how are my plans like studying masters and what not. All I did was to deflect by answering I am burnt out and all plans are put on hold. For financial activities wise, I just say I am focusing on savings. Ok fine. And because we were initially talking about my selfies which were a lot nicer now... thanks to make up and whatever other factors, he complimented them that I look much better now. So I replied him that I am still consuming the supplements that were recommended by him as well as other brands. The immediate reply was "Wow, I don't know how you have so much money." Yea. the supplements recommended by him are very very expensive, but I consume on and off. And what the fuck do you want me to do when I am told I have borderline health problems that need medication? The supplement I'm taking now is to control it from worsening. So what the fuck do you want me to do? Focus on savings until my health problem deteriorates? And then use all the savings I saved to spend on medication which will be more expensive than supplements... because it will involve surgery if worsen. Damn you, dude.
You are not in any better health than I do. You got symptoms popping out around your eyes. No sickness does not mean you are healthy. I am trying my best to stay healthy. No health no wealth, no wealth no health. No difference actually. It does not matter if I work full time because I will still be doing something else on the weekend and after work! You can't fucking stop me from gaining new experiences!
The bitter truth is sometimes we have to let go friends who are not aligned with us anymore. Come on, try retrospecting, did I ever fucking give you the same treatment like you did to me? Did I ever say words that make you uncomfortable negatively? Your words are not propelling me to be better. Your words are spilling over fear and whatever negative emo to me and it's not my fault to begin with. Don't ever inflict pain in others because you are in pain. I can listen to your pain but that's it. We often tell others our pain repetitively and we forgot the pain that we caused in those listeners in a way.
I have enough of these thorny words, dude. I was happy to be going to Hiroshima again in August 2016, and you immediately jumped the gun "Oh you are not saving anymore?" When I said it was a free trip in return escorting a kid, and you question ed it like "isn't that a stupid job?". Whatever it is, you brought this unto yourself. I have said so many times that there are opportunities out there to achieve what we want. I have proven many times by getting free trip to go abroad. So what's the problem?
You said you got no money. Fine. You have fantastic writing skills. So I suggested to write a book. You said bla bla. But you know what? A bestseller book I have read somewhere took the author 17 years to write. Bla bla? Start writing now, dude then maybe you can earn royalties in the future. Book is a no? Ok then, give writing course? Bla bla. Again, dude. You got so many excuses. So many skills to earn money yet so many excuses. Design something related to writing and sell it for USD 5. Sound little but if you have 10 people buy per day and the other day and also the other days in the future.. are you not already ahead of others in earning foreign income? Ok. Fair. I may not know the writing world very well. All I know is I want to write a book and I need to learn from scratch! How frustrating I am when I see others fretting such stuff!
Anyways... also.. sometimes we don't have to share all of our dreams and information with our close friends and family. How sad is that, isn't it?
Tuesday. 5.9.17 10:15 pm
Ok. I am being called stupid again for being a strong independent feminist. I have been told again to make use of my femininity to make others do my bidding. This newly made friend gave me a situation where if a girl is seen a little weak... guys will swoon over to help. And guys see strong female like me they don't give a damn in helping me.
This is not ok. Being feminist or not, is there anything wrong with being too independent? I am just being myself! It's not like I don't ask for help when I needed one. It's just the people in my my surrounding just don't want to help! And that's lead me to becoming strong female! For god sake, it's because of my environment I am like this and some guys are blaming me for becoming like that. So what the hell do you want me to do? Go crying at work? And then people will say I am not resilient at work. What is really going on?!
Seduction, again, I am told is a useful skill which I need to master. Alright. I shall try seducing a cat.
Monday. 4.24.17 11:46 pm
And hell, I got severe food poisoning on the weekend. Vomited and diarrhea within a few hours apart left me so weak until today.
Tracing back, it could be the raw salmon I ate in a salad, the free hot chocolate drink I had from Starbuck, the hot chocolate I had during my Instagramming, the Green Curry Noodle, the supplements which I always have healing crisis.
And I got no idea which is the culprit. But medical doctor and my friends pinpointed the raw salmon. My sister said we should not be eating raw food anymore due to the heavy sea pollution. My mum blamed on the health supplements that I ate. Oh well, I don't want to talk about the latter. She blames everything on things that are neither positive or negative in life.
Anyways, despite that, I attended a talk and watched a HK blockbuster movie on Sunday. It was such a ME-TIME that I needed to air myself and head. You know what? I even thought of watching another movie right after I came out from the cinema room! But I didn't. Because I know I was exhausted in a way even though I didn't feel it. That was true because I felt weak the following day.
Oh well, no more raw fish for now!
Tuesday. 4.11.17 4:58 am
I copied this affirmation a long time ago. Have fun trying.
"Universe, send me $100 within 7 days as a sign I'm ready to multiply my levels of prosperity.
Thank you for the 100. I am grateful beyond words."
Thursday. 3.23.17 11:51 am
I was reminiscing about some guy I was really crazy about many years ago. We had a relationship for a short while but funnily I never felt it was a relationship at all. It felt nothing to me now. Though I was devastated when he replied me mean words during the separation, I now feel so relieved that I had dumped him. I followed a whim on dumping and I never felt so grateful for following my instincts.
Oh well, that's because I can do whatever and go wherever I want now. I spend the money on myself. I think what I appreciate the most is I can do whatever shit I want now without thinking whether my partner would like it or not, whether I need to ask his permission or not. The thing was I didn't even give a shit about that when we were together. He did mentioned before that I liked to visit him whenever it was convenient for me but not for him. The thing was he kept on saying 'anytime, baby'. Bwahaha. I am alpha. Go me!
So now I totally appreciate my freedom and no intention of being in a relationship. Whatever thoughts you have running in your mind after reading this post, I suggest you keep to yourself and be happy for others. =)
Cheers to our own endeavours.
Thursday. 3.9.17 8:27 am
I read an article today stating that competent people bring upon themselves extra work because firstly they are so capable in getting things done that superior will just rely on them and secondly they tend to say yes to all jobs. So in the end, they 'choose' to be busy.
That sounds exactly like me. Superior then tend to have higher expectation on these competent people. Therefore, if they didn't perform well due to overload he or she somewhat will be criticised for the tardiness.
I don't want to talk about my work situation but I grow tired already.
So the article indirectly says being incompetent is actually a happier person. Why not? Why do more when the pay stays the same as the competent person who covers so many areas? That's me: doing 2 persons full-time job on a part-time basis. And yet the other full-timers said they are overloaded with work. If I can do it, why not you all too? That says a lot. But I want more pay instead.
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