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A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness." ~ D.H. Lawrence "Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?" "Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost." ~ Seneca "People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect." ~ Daydream Nation "All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death." ~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes "The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road." ~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." ~ William Blake Think about it Musicalities! Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics Web Comics and Such A Distant Soil (Some nudity) The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff) Aquapunk Axe Cop Basic Instructions Bear Nuts Beeserker Blue Milk Special Bug Buttersafe ChannelATE Cigarro & Cerveja Crunchy Bunches Curia Regis Cyanide and Happiness dead winter (has some explicit stuff) Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?) Diesel Sweeties DUBBLEBABY Eat That Toast! E-merl.com The End Evil Diva Evil Inc. Existential Comics The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon For Lack of a Better Comic Forming (Explicit) Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?) Mirror The Last Halloween Last Train to Old Town L.A.W.L.S. The League of Evil Genius Legend of Bill Living With Insanity (some nudity) Love Me Nice Married to the Sea Meaty Yogurt Medium Large The Meek Metacarpolis Monsterhood Monsterkind The Moon Prince Moth (Some nudity) Mr. Lovenstein Muddlers Beat Natalie Dee Nedroid The Non-Adventures of Wonderella Optipess Out There Owen's Uncles Phuzzy Comics Political Cartoonists Index Poorly Drawn Lines Powernap The Property of Hate Red Meat Rice Boy Robbie and Bobby Rosscott, Inc. Safely Endangered Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal Savage Chickens Scary Go Round Scenes from a Multiverse The Secret Knots Serenity Rose Stand Still. Stay Silent Stinking Hellebore Strong Female Protagonist Subnormality Tales of Pylea Three Word Phrase (some nudity) Tiny Kitten Teeth Toothpaste for Dinner Trying Human (Some nudity) Two Guys and Guy Wilde Life Witchy xkcd Yellow Peril (PG-13) Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics The Abominable Charles Christopher The Adventures of Dr. McNinja The Adventures of Ellie Connelly American Hell Bag of Toast Bear in Mind Bobwhite The Book of Biff Brat-halla Brightest Broodhollow Bullfinch Camp Weedonwantcha Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff) Chainsawsuit Conspiracy Friends! Daisy is Dead Distillum Dream Life Dumm Comics Ectopiary (Some nudity) Edemia Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life A Fine Example Finn and Charlie are HITCHED Floodmud Freaks! Green Wake Gun Show Hark! A Vagrant Head Doctor Productions Hello with Cheese Helpful Figures Hollow Mountain IDK Comics Inscribing Ardi Intragalactic The Intrepid Girlbot JBabb Comics Kyle & Atticus Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space Letters to a Wild Boar Lovecraft is Missing Manta-man Meat and Plastic Minimalism Sucks Mis- Moe Moon Town The Nerds of Paradise Nimona No Reason Comics Odd-Fish One Swoop Fell Patches Pictures for Sad Children Raymondo Person A Redtail's Dream Riotfish Roy's Boys (PG 13?) Run Freak Run Saint's Way Shortpacked! Sin Titulo Snowflakes Split Lip Spooky Doofus SubCulture Super Buzzkill The Super Fogeys The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston Thermohalia Troubletown Mirror Ugly Girl YU + ME 2815 Monument Pure Flash Awesomeness Aardvardkbutter.com Angry Alien Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry The Frown Hoogerbrugge Other Bogleech Clients from Hell Brian Despain Creatures in My Head Damn You Auto Correct! Jhonen Vasquez's site Overheard in New York Passive Aggressive Notes Submarinechannel.com Superdickery UHpinions Whirled | Got my hoodie back Monday, May 5, 2014 Well, turns out that he did have my hoodie after all. He gave it back, along with another (much briefer) note saying he wasn't ready to talk and didn't know if he ever would be. Apparently he's starting a blog. I don't know if I want to look at it though. If it's anything like the letters/email he's sent me then it probably doesn't have much good to say about me. At the moment I'm not much interested in criticism from someone who remembers our shared history in a very skewed and frankly bizarre way at times. And anyway, Kyle thinks it's better if I don't check up on my ex. I have thought a bit about some of the criticisms he had (has?) about me. For instance, in the email he sent he mentioned that I never appreciated anything he did. I honestly don't know if he actually believes that or if he's just exaggerating, but I did appreciate him. Not in all the ways he wanted me to, certainly, but to say I never appreciated anything is rather insulting. Although I have hidden the posts about him on my blog now, they were quite positive and appreciative. I guess if he'd bothered to read my blog more before we broke up he might have realized that. Too late now though. --- I'm getting a little bored with OKC. I had a few regular conversations going on there, but I've moved those people to Skype, so there's not much for me to do on the site now. One of the people I moved to Skype is pretty interesting, though. I don't know if I'd quite say we connect on a deep level, but we seem to relate on certain things, which is nice. He reminds me a little of Max, an OKC friend I talked to a lot when I was at St. John's. We talked about the nature of communication and friendship and things like that. With my ex I always kind of felt like I couldn't talk to him about anything deep. I don't know if there was a good reason for that feeling, but the nature of our relationship just didn't make me feel comfortable discussing my views on things. I guess it goes back to trust. Why reveal the deep parts of yourself to someone you don't trust? Then again, why stay with someone you don't trust for 2.5 years? Sometimes I think about what he did and I feel like he cut off one of my legs. Not literally, obviously, but it's a reasonable enough metaphor in some ways. He took something I couldn't get back, and I felt damaged and resigned to stay with him. I know this is a horrible attitude to have but it doesn't matter now, not really. Probably what made it worst was that if I tried to talk to him about it, he just cried and I had to comfort him. Imagine someone cutting off your leg and then being so upset about it that you have to pretend you're not in pain to make them feel better. And then they just go about their business as if they never did anything to you. There are times when I wish I could go back and stop myself from ever getting into a relationship with him, so that I could keep my metaphorical leg. My biggest regret is not protecting myself better. At the same time though, the burden wasn't really on me to do that. I think now that we're separated I have more of a chance to get over what happened since I don't have to worry about keeping him from feeling bad. I know that problems are separate, and just because someone did something worse to you doesn't mean that nothing you do to them matters, but it doesn't keep me from feeling incredulous that he would complain about some of the things he did. It felt like he cut off my leg and then complained that I made him fall down and skin his knee. And then, of course, I had to hug him and make him feel better about his skinned knee. And deal with him when he said I couldn't walk with him the way he wanted. I feel like I'll never understand how what happened came to be. I told him I was vulnerable in that way and he pretty much dismissed it, even took advantage of it. More and more I'm reaching the conclusion that he just didn't take me seriously. He dismissed a lot of the things I knew as just academic theory because I don't have as much "real life" experience as him. He would tell me he respected me for being smart and doing well at school, and then disregard pretty much anything I've learned if I tried to apply it to our lives. Either we have very different ideas of what respect is, or he did not respect me. Respect always was a problem between us. Well here I am now, a girl missing a fundamental part of herself. A metaphorical amputee. All I can have is hope for the future. I know there must be someone out there who won't take parts of me away and then make me feel like I'm lucky to have them despite it. "I may have cut off your leg, but don't you think you should appreciate that you can use me as a crutch?" I don't know. I feel angry and sad and confused. The same confusion I've had for nearly 2.5 years. It's almost 3 AM and that's probably not helping. 0 Comments.
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