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Sheets to the Wind 226 Oftentimes it is difficult to obtain that which we would most enjoy. Perhaps it is more prudent, then, to enjoy those things which we already have near us. These are the thoughts that fill my head as I awake. And so, I enjoy the nearest thing to me at these moments: a bedsheet. So silky and malleable, so light and breathable. Bedsheets can be contrived as the most magnificent articles of cloth known to mankind, and I shall elucidate on the matter. One of the greatest hindrances to my arisal in mornings was this looming truth: I have to open my eyes, stand up, and adorn my body with pants, socks, and a shirt. I have not the resolve at such early hours, and thus I am dissuaded to awake. I then fall into the degrading cycle: consciousness, subconsciousness, unconsciousness, and reconsciousness. However, I am able to circumvent this diabolical situation by embracing my bedsheet. All that is required to start my days is to clasp a hand onto the savior sheet and erect myself. Utterly convenient. I am not alone in my opinion. Countless men of days past also wore sheets, such as Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato; their wisdom evidently enchanced by the fabric. Jesus H. Christ, messiah and son of the Creator of Existence and Organisms, wore sheets. If the C.E.O. (as I like to call him) approves of it, then so do I. And so should you. Even the man with a mind greater than God had something to say on the subject: "Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets." - Mitch Hedberg "Blankets," of course, are the thicker cousins of bedsheets worn by those of more frigid climes. So you see, bedsheets are obviously superior to any other form of clothing currently available. I beseech you; Join me, brothers and sisters, and together we shall rise up and fall with great wrath upon those whose faith fails them. 20 Comments. I sleep with one pillow, one sheet, and one blanket. Too many pillows or blankets suffocate me. » juiCyy on 2005-08-14 07:59:44 I know your pain. I was once suffocated by a pillow and a blanket. It was a devious plot; a devious, devious, plot. » Bartholomew on 2005-08-14 08:02:33 That was beautiful. I told myself I'd wear a toga to school everyday 'cause it was too much trouble to throw on a Tee and wear one of my five or so pairs of jeans. But, what happens when I trip? » Dilated on 2005-08-14 08:17:11 hmm... you? wearing only sheets? O_o'' what a lovely sight that would be.... aside from that, it is our nature to yearn for the unobtainable....makes life more interesting, I suppose. » little-b on 2005-08-14 08:27:28 Ummm yeah Ok, I have to say that I agree with you. It is difficult to get out of bed when the sheets seem so very inviting. I stand next to you in your quest. » jesenia (68.39.88.207) on 2005-08-14 08:49:40 It is such a shame that mitch hedeberg died :(. He was a great. » redintersectsme on 2005-08-14 09:40:54 haha thank you. I owe the bg to threadless.com, they have great stuff. » redintersectsme on 2005-08-14 10:10:56 hrrmmmmmmm........wearing only bed sheets. I'll have to think about that. lol. » OldSchooler on 2005-08-15 09:35:59 "erect myself" too much detail, my friend. I think you'll run into some laundry issues.
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