i thot i could be happy. but i was right, my birthday was jes a one-day happiness if u could call it that. and after that, it'd be bak to normal..an ordinary day.

being 16 sucks. being in hs sucks. being a teenager sucks.

today i went to church& did the usual.

i was plannin on startin comm. service nex week..but i dont think ima go cuz nikki bailed on me. they're goin to anaheim. so i thot i was jes gonna go alone. but now my parents are suggesting i stay home for the week and go the week after nex ((hopin that nikki would be bak by then))..and that this comin week i study for SATs.

i've been gettin an awful lot of headaches lately..and gettin tired easily. i think it's cuz of all the work and studyin i've been doin. crammin my head trynna remember things i was taught one time in my life.

i almost got in a car accident today. agen. as usual. cuz i was makin a left turn and i was trynna go to the right lane..stupid mistake. the car behind me was trynna go there too..i dint see it so i ges i almost hit it. it beeped its horn. looked at me with an angry face. it was a young lookin hispanic lady i think she was. traumatization. tried hard to concentrate. after i start one mistake. they jes keep on comin. i am the worst driver ever.

i hate myself. and i dont kno what will make me happy. i'm bombarded with all this stuff i hafta do..stuff i hafta kno. i still feel like no1's there. but then agen i push ppl away by not tellin them im not feelin well (emotionally).

it's not physical pain i'm feeling. this pain hurts more. and it won't go away.

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