last night i REGISTERED FOR THE SAT I and my parents were givin me a fuk'n HARD TIME. i'll write wha i wrote in my diary so then u'll get a better feel of how i was feelin..

12:30am
Dad ALWAYS knows how to make me feel like shiit and make me cry. all i did was register for the fukin SATs and he always has to make a big deal about everything! He always has to give a stupid lecture that hardly even relates to the stupid subjects! They always say that i chat tOo much and dont even take into consideration how HARD i'm trying to QUIT! They always fukin accuse me for everything and always try to find a way to blame me cuz everything'####### fault"! like i ended at around 12 mid. and he's saying i shoulda done it around 10 and i fuk'n told/asked them to register & shiit but mom sed to do it wen dey come out of their stupid room! so then dad tries to fuk'n put the blame on me n say "why dint u do it around 6 or 7" it'd be easier to jes TAKE AWAY MY LIFE! and then they can find this & see all the #### they put me thru! i hate him for this and i'm never gonna forgive him! if i could i'd get sum1 else to pay for my sat's and if i could i'd pay for it myself! guess that's the only thing i'm "grateful" for..that they're paying for it. i HATE talking about school to my stupid parents especially DAD cuz he's MEAN about everything and always makes me CRY! if he saw this i bet he'd yell right bak at me and say that he dus the opposite. well that's BULLSHiiT becuz he dusnt' know how i feel AT ALL! he jes keeps puttin me down! he dusn't see himself the way he presents himself to me. ev'rytime i tell him he's yellin at me he always denies it! even wen i was little..i told mom i don't like asking him for help cuz he always yells at me..so she told dad and den he YELLED AT ME AGEN saying that he's not. how HYPOCRITICAL. and again he made me cry. gosh, he PISSES ME OFF. and i wish dey could see this. even tho it has bad words cuz it shows the extremeness of my emotion. forget my dad. all he dus is yell yell yell and put me down.
i wish sum1 knew the TRUTH. i wish i had sum1 to talk to. that would understand me. now it's time that I need help. i wish there was someone i could run to. but there's noone. i'm all alone. but then agen, i dont like talkin to ppl bowt my problems..speshully verbally. it's easier to express how i feel by writing.
I hate myself and it'd be easier to die X_x

"take me away take me FAR AWAY FROM HERE"!!


if u read all of that i'm glad u care..or u were jes bored. ne ways so i deleted/added a few things but it's all the same message. and since i cried lass night/early morning i'm left with puffy eyes. hope it goes away soon.

well today i'm goin to a boring party. i'll prolly end up hangin round the parents/adults as usual. =/ i was sposed to sell ads today/this morning. but frikken angeline. i deno wha happened. no ride. guess we'll hafta do it some other time. peeeceezy.

[[[[[ EDIT: 9.31pm ]]]]]]]]
so i came bak from that one party and guess who i saw there..LYRETTE!..my buddy from church! from the retreat! haha gosh i thot i'd kno no1 there but then i find her! awesome. so i spent most of the time jes chill'n n talkin tah her. i have a few pix of us bein bored but bein the lazyass i am i'll post em up some other time. so peace out!

pissed
i'm freaking pissed because i made this freaking long comment and my computer went stupid!!! ok well. I know how it is to feel like shit because parents are always like that. They think that we don't do things...and we do! An example...i practice the piano at midnight cuz i'm busy earlier and my mom works at night and she thinks i don't practice...and sometimes i would rather have God kill me than continue living. but obviously suicide is a big NO!soo that's what keeps me going. Don't worry though...you're not the only one because my cousin and I always feel the same way because our parents are always against us. Whenever you're feeling like this...just spend an hour just relaxing then continue. I hope things imporve.
» Ajibalaji89 on 2004-09-04 03:47:55

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