today was the usual church deal. but this time i went an hour late because the teacher/t.a. meeting was after. so guess what i getta t.a. for 1ST GRADE it's awesome. but iono who the teacher really is. like i saw her butchea. i hope she's not tOo mean. i jes wanna correct papers or somethin..and help the cute lil kids. they're so adorable! cuz also mrs. burns sed that she dint really have help b4..dus that mean she dusnt WANT/NEED any?!! wahhh. =(

jes awhile ago i drove. picked up the grandparents. i am telling you man I SUCK AT DRIVING. i have trouble with the whole "traffic and timing" thing. yeno. whether tah go faster or slower. and i think i kno the exact reason i hate changing lanes..it's cuz i'm not shure bowt the cars. like wha if i jes dint see one. and also i still keep forgettin tah check the rear view mirror. and ergh. why dus driving hafta be so hard. and I HATE IT WEN CARS ARE BEHIND ME like no jes behind me but RIGHT behind me. cuz then i feel like they think i'm goin all slow. but im goin the SPEED LIMIT ok so u can slow ur ass down! but forreals. i get all paranoid. actually i'm paranoid the whole time i'm driving. hah. but it's more wen there's a car that seems like it's tailgating me. but i like it wen there's a car in front of me that isn't goin so fast so that if there's a car behind me it's not my fault. get me?! i really hate driving. and my dad's lucky cuz i swear like he gets mad or somethin. like not furious this time but jes mad. or his so called "emphasizing" but u kno wha i mean. but i was like whatever. i'll take the shiit. prolly cuz i'm not really up for ne thing. prolly since i was jes sleepin b4 he told me to drive so i was like whatever. and oh yeah i 4gotta mention yesterday i think my dad's serious about NOT LETTING ME DRIVE ALONE TILL I'M 18 cuz he was talkin to my auntie and how mahh cuhzzz who is 18 alredi STILL dusnt kno how tah drive..well he prolly dus but yeno. the whole actualy drivin permit/license thing. and yeah i heard him say that he wont lemme drive by myself till i'm 18. but yeno one thing is fesho THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL IMA RIDE A FUK'N SCHOOL BUS WEN I'M A SENIOR!! shiiit. a junior. fine. whatever i'll suck it up not erry1 can drive i bet even by the end of this year ne ways. but nex year shooot.. i'ma fiind sum1 tah gimme a ride! a friend of course. and hopefully i can at least get a friend discount and pay only $5 a week pls? cuz yeno i dont have a frikken job. and if i gave $10 i'd only have $2 left for myself. isn't that sad? have pity on me.

well i kiinda finished my hw. and i'm proud of myself cuz i did all of my math hw except for one problem. and i figured out wha i was doin wrong wit the ones i was havin trouble wit yesterday. and i hope i got em right. chemistry lab..i'm such a procrastinator cuz even tho i did MOST of it..i feel like it's totally not complete. but i only needa add a lil more adjustments ne ways. so no biggie. i wonder if 2morrow's pro hour. well i heard it was full menu. i'll ask sum1. right now.....uh great ROSE DOESNT KNO..lemme find another victim..ok i think it's full menu.

oh yeah i have another thing tah say I NEED MORE GUY FRIENDS and i'm talkin serious guy frenz. cuz i mean yeno i got mah homies here n there but i dont got ne close serious best friend kind of guy fren. and sumtimes i need a fren of the opposite sex. cuz they're cooler about other things. and also wen i mean serious, i mean serious. like if i was in a serious breakdown depressing kinda shiit mode i dont want them to make a joke about it cuz it's not funny and dusn't work and it dusnt make me feel better. and i need someone to LISTEN. i need some1 i can connect with in a way u kno? someone who UNDERSTANDS. a guy that understands. cuz that's wha i need now. now dont get me wrong..havin frenz that are girls are kOo tOo cuz yeno we be doin our giirrl thaang n errythang. but sometimes i feel like i need a friend that's a guy. i jes deno how to explain it.

i also need someone to GET RID OF THIS SHYNESS OUT OF ME i've become so quiet over this past couple of years. cuz i dont wanna look stupid..say ne thin stupid..or make myeslf look like a damn fool. but it's really holding myself bak from havin ne fun. i need somebody to show me how to have fun agen and accept me for who i am. i mean really accept me. cuz sometimes there's moments wen i was bein myself for jes a moment and i get this weird look and it jes shuns me off and that's wha im talkin about..at that moment i jes felt like i made a fool of myself.

i dont kno how to make u guys understand. i'm thankful for my friends and i love them dearly but im only human and there are still things that are "missing".

ok enuf of this emo stuff makin me all emo agen. i hate wen i try tah sort out my feelings cuz then i get a sad feeling.

well i ges thats all. oh and thot of the day: CARPE DIEM sp?! SEIZE THE DAY seize the moment it's wha i learned at church today cuz YOU CAN NEVER GO BAK TO YESTERDAY and every morning we wake up we're GIVEN ANOTHER CHANCE..to DO THINGS THAT WE FAILED TO DO. let this sink in ur mind LET'S TRY AGAIN

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